Hitting rock bottom.....
I have had loads of great advice from you (mostly) ladies, some of which I'm doing already - like withdrawing from my SD16 after the rude & offensive behaviour she shows towards me at times, all of which my DH never sees or makes excuses for.
Now however, I think that things have gone too far. After yet another row with DH (some disagreement yet again about his kids), he took MY BD's bed from her bedroom and took it to the basement where he has decided to sleep. There was an unused single bed in the basement, but he chose to 'reclaim' my BD's bed as it was originally his. New levels of pettiness and an all-time low.
What about my daughter?
My BD16 stays here about 2 or 3 nights a week, something I'm hoping will become even more frequent. However, as I had to tell my BD that DH has taken her bed, she is of course, extremely upset and will not now stay here. In fact, she and her father are coming to take all her belongings back to his flat this weekend.
I am so angry and upset. DH had no right to do this. After all the shit I put up with from his 2, and he never corrects them, but now he is losing me my contact with my own daughter. My other BD14 is now almost staying FT with her father also. What am I doing here?
I don't think couselling is any solution here any more, it has all gone just too far.
I need to be with my own kids, not his.
Sorry, just so shell-shocked with all this - life is just lurching from bad to worse here.
Bottom line, he does not support me with his kids and he is pushing my kids out.
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Ohhhhh, I love that....
I was thinking that she should retrieve the bed and give it back to it's rightful owner (your daughter's room). Buy an air mattress, fill it up and place it where he prefers to sleep...
I like vickiemac's idea better.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
Faith, I am so sorry that
Faith, I am so sorry that you and DH are experiencing this. I just can't believe he would purposefully take your daughter's bed. It just seems kindof immature and hurtful. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but I don't. Please know that I'm here to offer support. (And the idea of getting your daughter a new bed is a pretty good idea.)
Do take care.
making him pay!
Thanks to you all, vickiemac's idea of buying my BD a nice new bed & doing up her room (DH paying) is a fantastic idea! Only my BD is not one to be 'bought over' - she is a genuinely lovely person who has tried so hard to get everyone together, so that I could be happy in my 'new life'. I never imagined that my new life would have such a high cost. My DH has never really considered 'my' kids as part of 'our' family. He says he does, but time and time again, he only allows for his own - he just doesn't seem to consider mine.
I did ask why he chose to take my BD's bed and not his BD's (she was not here either that night.) He was horrified - how could he possibly do that - after all it was his daughter's bed. Just when is he going to wake up and see that my kids matter too.
I think that would be it for me as well
Don't beat yourself up over this. You can't be in a relationship by yourself...it takes two and if one stops giving, you really don't have a choice in the matter...it's been made for you. There have been times when I've actually thought my BS's would be better off with their father than put up with some of the horseshit that goes on in our house but then I give my head a shake and tell myself, "Self, they're my children, there isn't going to be a choice like that in my life so something else has got to give or I've got to go."
Oh my god
There is no freaking way I woiuld tolerate my DH taking from MY kids. I definately say move along. I read your post with my mouth agape. These boots are made for walkin!!!!
My kids biggest cheerleader
ok here's a question...or 3...
What if you make him pay but he retaliates towards you or the kids again or he does it worse? When do the games stop? Who needs to take what steps? Where does it end when you love someone with all you have but they do these types of ridiculous things?
Just curious for people who are in this situation. I know I have been before and it is very frustrating to love someone and not be able to deal with the immature behavior.
Lisa Dawn
Immature behaviour - & I don't mean the kids!
holeekrap789, thank you - you have hit the nail right on the head (pity not my DH's head!)
I do love my DH so very much, but the immature behaviour!!! He so totally misses the point in most things and he still does not realise the implications of his behaviour. He constantly protects his kids and buys them whatever, lets them away with appalling behaviour, etc, ets, the list is endless - always making the most paltry of excuses for them.
He now thinks that because he has returned my BD's bed, that all is supposed to be forgotten. My BD is more forgiving a person than he, but it really is the last straw. How can she WANT to come here, to OUR home, when she knows how he is.
You are quite right when you ask where does it all end. How did you deal with your situation? All I want to do is love my man, but it is not going to happen without my kids with me.
faith....
You ask how I deal with the situation? That's ironic because I joined this site to learn how to deal with it only to find that most of the steps on here are going through the same thing and none of us has a solution that works for everyone. We each have to find what works for us individually. I don't think too many of us has found that but we have found amazing support and understanding. I can't say too much about how I personally deal with it here at home. I made the mistake of not disguising myself and telling my SO about this site. I now have to montor what I say and what I ask. Sooo if you want to private message me I will be more than happy to talk with you. In the meantime if you find a permanent solution then PLEASE let me and everyone else know---lol
Lisa Dawn
below the belt
It is a horrible place to be in with your spouse. Being torn between your children and a home where you are an outsider. It must be a scary place to be in. I would be hoping desperately for some way to work this out with him and the kids. However, his actions, taking your daughters bed, clearly was an attempt to hurt you where he knew it would hurt most. If this is an isolated incident, where his behavior isn't usually cruel and damaging, then I would definitely ask him to go to counseling to talk about how to better manage the family dynamic you are in and how to work together as a couple. Otherwise, I would take this as the sign of things to come. If he demonstrated this behavior more than a few times before, I would brace for worse things to come. That is how abuse etc works. It escalates. You know best what is happening in your home. Please take stock on the health of your relationship with your husband and that of yourself and children. I totally feel for you, this isn't an easy time. Also, can you talk to you daughter about not taking everything away just now. Did you say she was 16? Maybe she can give you some insight on how she sees your relationship too. Might be hard to hear but 16 can be wise. Good luck and let us know how things go. I'll say a prayer for you.