To be blunt BM in our case is very uneducated. SS on the other hand is super intelligent, however there are issues of BM not ensuring homework is done. That has been an issue from day one, and as tiring as it gets, SS is worth the extra hassle of us picking up BM's slack.

I just can't see writing him off, because BM is irresponsible. SS is really trying this year to make sure homework is done. He used to forget his books so often, that we just parked when we picked him up.
His teacher last year remedied that, she wanted us to bring him with us for a conference, and instead of placing the responsibility on us, she placed it all on him. She even made him thank us for caring enough about his education and future to set up the conference. Maybe SS teacher could take the same approach, it worked in our case. If you are tired of dealing with it, why not suggest that DH handle all of SS's school issues , to give you a break.

My bioson started Middleschool this year and he has been diagnosed with ADD. I chose the no-meds route and it has been hell. I have the same problem as far as making him do his homework and not to be the little pest in class. Many, many parent-teacher confrences I have been to.

So, if it makes you feel ANY better, last year was really tough on me too (his last year of elementary). He got quite a few discipline reminders and actually got suspended a few days before school was out. I have sat him down a least a dozen times and basically told him to GROW UP!!!!!!

WELL, something just clicked by the time he entered Middles school, I don't know if it was the intimidation of it all or maybe just the growth spurt and he matured a little - I don't know. A good friend of mine said that her son kinda went through the same thing and there was a world of change by the time they entered middleschool.

I just think these boys are just behind in the maturity phases of their life and they need to catch up, ya know? Especially at that age they just haven't quite figured it out yet. But from what I've read, your SS seems like he is a little more extreme because of his situation at his BMs house. I think he needs some much needed attention on that end of it - and there really is only ONE person that can compensate in that department, his own mother.

I know just how you feel, getting my 11 year old to do ANYTHING productive is like.....pulling teeth. Great headline!!!!!

My DH's son is the same way and I am a teacher in the same school that he attends (free to boot as a professional courtesy) so I'm always being told how Precious doesn't do his homework/schoolwork, and I see firsthand his inappropriate behavior. I've asked his teachers repeatedly to stop telling me and to call his father yet they don't.

DH does nothing about his son's horrible grades and behavior. As a teacher, it makes me livid that the parental support is lacking. As a parent (I have a 12 y.o. DD), I can't understand how DH doesn't take a proactive role in worrying about his education. After all, a child's first teacher IS his/her parent.

Regardless, I would suggest some type of weekly assignment/behavior checklist for your SS. Have your SS get his teachers to fill it out on the last day of every week listing areas of improvement or deficiency. If he's too irresponsible to take it to each teacher, then mail them a copy and include a SASE for them to return it to you. Or, if the teachers have emails, do it that way. I wanted DH's son to do this but DH won't enforce it so I eventually came to the conclusion that he doesn't care so I'm not going to fret over it either. If DH's son fails and has to repeat, so be it.

that DH do HW with his girls and I do HW with mine. Every once in a while I help SD with math (because I'm one of those freaky math people that loves math) and that's it.

If they have bad grades, things get taken from them like dance classes, sports activities etc.. We even went to court with BM on this one and now she's on board a little (BM does the dance thing and now it's court ordered if there is a C or lower in grades, no dancing until next qtr report card).

I your situation I'd take the pressure off of you. That's what I did and it was HARD! I'm a strong advocate for education. Grew up with a mom as a teacher and principal and finished college and graduate school while being a single mom (at the ripe age of 21). I first expected the same from SD's as I did my BD then realized they have totally different situations. SD's parents didn't go to college...it wasn't emphasized as being important. Now my DH realizes how important it is but I leave it to him to enforce. I want what's best for SD's but in 5th/6th grade the child has a part in this as well. They should WANT to make good grades! If only it were that easy.

Take the pressure off of you. Focus on your son and let your DH handle the homework with SS. It will make it a little easier