Our visitation is court order through the child support office. We have 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends and every Thur 6-8. When the baby was born, BF was getting SS every weekend and had up until Aug. BM and BF had a disagreement and ever since then she is only going by the schedule.
It has been really hard only seeing him for 2 hrs every other week. I think some of our frustration stems from that. Knowing she controls the situation. The baby (1yr old) has started showing signs from it too. Last night we went and picked him up and went to Mcdonalds had dinner (we live 30 mins away, so by the time we get home it's time to turn around, so we stay in town on Thurs)after dinner we took him to see his Nana and Pap Pap. Well we took him home to BM. BF went inside and SS would not go to her, (this has never been a issue in the last year) he started crying, so BF took him into his room to distract him. As soon as he heard the door open, he took off running to him crying and still would not go to her. So BF left, got in our truck and told me what happen and how it was breaking his heart to leave him crying and upset like that. So I asked him.... what did you say to her? He said nothing..... See that pisses me off!!! He is upset because of him crying, but he says nothing about why he thinks SS is doing that???? WTF??? I said you realize this has never been a problem, him getting upset about leaving or staying with on or the other parent? Right? Yeah.... Ok, I think it is because SS hardly sees you anymore. He said I know! Ok, then why not tell BM??!! I am trying to be nice. Nice? Nice? She isn't letting you see your kid and this pisses you off and I hear about it daily and you are trying to be nice to her? WTF? He said I didn't think about it, and that he would say something to her. So I dropped it. So we rode back to town got in separate vehicles and drove home. Not even 15 mins later he is calling me telling me that the bitch called saying that the baby bit her so hard that he drew blood on her shoulder. She wanted to know if he bites us??? No, considering me and BM had the same conversation not even a week ago. He told her that the baby doesn't bit either of us and he didn't know what to say???? So I asked him, Did you say anything about not getting to see him as much.... that this may be part of the problem? He said No, I didn't think about it. I was so freaking pissed off I couldn't see straight. I was like, we just talked about it no more that 15 mins ago. Yeah??? I said you know what, if you cannot grab your balls and say something, then I don't want to hear you complain about not seeing SS. BF said whatever! So I told him when BM calls to share Mommy and baby stories with him to keep it to himself, cause I don't want to f@$king hear it!!! So we hung up. I got home and took a bath and went to bed. He came into the bedroom and said "Did I do something to make you mad???" HUH? Seriously? I feel like I am talking to myself. It's not like he hit his head and forgot? I told him nope that if he cannot stand up to her and say what he feels about not seeing SS then why should I care??? I am not going to bust my balls trying to get him more time if he cannot say something. He told me he doesn't sit around thinking about what to say to BM. I told him yep you are right, cause you say it to me!!!! I didn't have a kid with you! Nor am I the one keeping him from you! So the next time she calls or the next time you go over there and you have a little story to tell about Daddy, Mommy and Baby, to keep it to yourself!!!!!! I don't care!!!! He told me to deal with it. This is for the next 18yrs and he doesn't want to hear the same shit over and over that he is tired of it and I said DITTO! I rolled over and went to bed.
Stuff like that eats at me. I try not to get so worked up about it, but I do. This is just one of many stories. I feel as if BM is consuming our lives. I should not have to pay for his decisions that he made before we were together. It's not us BF, me and baby, it's BM too. Conversations, plans, running in to her stores, everything!!! I so hope once we go to court that it will get better. I think I am lying to myself, just to get through another day.
What am I to do? I didn't have these problems 2 yrs ago?? We are not married, so I let him handle everything, pickups, drop offs? He handles all phone calls. You know, I started picking him up and dropping him off because the two of them do not get along. So I really heard about it then. Now with what little contact they have I still hear about it. I wish for once he can say it! Tell her how he feels!! Not that it would do any good, but damn to keep telling your girlfriend the same shit over and over and over and over is driving me f@$king nuts!!!!! To the point where I am going to say something and it won't be pretty, it will make it all hardier on all of us. Do you have any idea how hard it is to be nice to someone you can't stand. For BM to say things to you husband/boyfriend that if any other woman was to say, that you would rip her head off and shit down her throat? I cannot even defend or protect my own relationship without it creating a huge problem and BM be able to use it in court. BM controls so much in my life! I didn't even screw the hoe!!! AHHH!!!
Sorry to ramble..... I am having a hard time dealing with the problems from BM and can't seem to get BF to handle it. I feel as if I am being backed into a corner, if they keep backing I am going to do something I will probably regret. Any one else out there feels like this or has experience this? I am at a loss and trying to find new ways to deal with it. All advise is greatly appreciated.
Kim