Ok, so my fiance was physically ill before going to the appointment because he was just literally sick with the stress and worry of it all. After vomiting his poor guts out, he arrived a few minutes late and SD was already in with the therapist and BM was sitting in the reception area taking notes. The conversation that took place between them is classic BM - she blamed this "episode" of SD's on the fact that BF "didn't take SD's therapist's advice (in late summer/early fall 2004) to take it slow with Caitlin." Here we are almost 3 years later and she's still living in a 2004 time warp!! SD has spent a quarter of her life with me in it already and loves the life she has with us, but BM thinks we took it too fast and that's why 3 years later, SD's falling apart. I think she honestly believes this nonsense. She really doesn't see that it's HER behavior and HER non-acceptance of our existance that is making her kid insane!

Another thing they discussed was the fact that we're trying to arrange for BF's daughter in England to come for a visit this summer (which I am SO excited about - I've never met her!!) and BM was SO pissed she had steam coming out her ears. She probably asked 14 times "is Caitlin paying for this?" as if that's any of her concern. Then she went on and on about how she always tried so hard to foster a relationship between SD and ESD (English SD) and that it was BF's decision to abandon his other family, blah blah blah, lies lies lies. The truth? BM was so insanely jealous of BF's first wife and daughter (big fat surprise!) that she couldn't even stay in the same country as them and moved their whole household to America when SD was a baby. She wouldn't even let BF display ESD's photo in their house. How's THAT for fostering a relationship? Anyway, BF brought this up to talk about dates so that SD could stay with us during the ESD visit, but BM refused to discuss dates. She said she'd have to get back to him. This is what she did last summer AND the summer before and I suspect she'll pull it again this time around - we try to discuss dates, she refuses, she goes and schedules a vacation or a class or something fun and exciting for SD to do during that time, SD tells us she wants to do the thing Mommy suggests, end of story, SD misses out, we don't get one freaking extra hour of her summer vacation. This year *might* be different because I think SD would rather DIE than not meet ESD and stay with her the entire time she's here. This might be the one thing she stands up to her mother on.

Ok, work beckons - I will continue the next chapter entitled "SD and BF reconnect" in a bit.

So, after a *lovely* chat with BM in the reception area, which ended with her saying that SD was extremely apprehensive about seeing him and that she had had *so* much trouble soothing and calming her about it, BF was called into the session with just the therapist, SD and him. The moment BF saw SD, he just ran to her, tears streaming down his face, and held her and told her how much he loved her and supported her. She told him how sorry she was that she was mad, and that she was really happy to see him because she missed him. The therapist asked if BF had anything important to say to SD and he told her that he wanted to clear up any miscommunication about the birthday because he wasn't sure if she had heard him correctly. He repeated that he had simply told her that he would discuss the plans with BM and they would get back to her, to keep her out of the middle and that he had never said no to her request. He said that he didn't want to perpetuate the unhealthy dream of Mom, Dad and SD together again so spending her entire birthday like that would be living a lie, but that maybe they could spend the hour of her birth together with just her parents and then bring in the rest of the family, ie SM, baby sister, grandfather (BM's father) to gather together and celebrate SD's life on her big day, much as we had done for her elementary school graduation lunch last year.

Well, low and behold, SD didn't even REMEMBER that happy event. The only events she remembers are the ones that BM rehashes to her over and over and over until what she's remembering is BM's (nasty false BF-bashing) retelling of the event and not the event itself. That said, after BF reminded her a little bit about how we had had lunch all together and we played the "SD Trivia Game" where she asked questions about her life and we all had "buzzers" when we knew the answer, she suddenly *lit up*, eyes all aglow, so excited and said "YES! That was great! It was so nice to have everyone together to celebrate ME! Hehe!" Well, the therapist LOVED seeing Dad and daughter share and talk and interact because she's never seen this, because BM is always in the room.

So when they called BM in to share what they had discussed, SD immediately closed down. She went from bubbly, lovey, all hugs and laughing to quiet, withdrawn, mumbling, stumbling over her words. She haltingly told BM that she had misunderstood her dad about the birthday, that she had thought he was saying no way, no how will he ever consider the idea of spending any part of her birthday with just the 3 of them, but what he was saying was that they'd have to discuss arrangements that would suit everyone. Then, SD dropped the bomb and I'm so proud of her! Knowing that BM is very anti-Caitlin et al, she proposed what they had talked about, that they spend the hour of her birth with the two people who brought her life and then have Caitlin, sister and grandfather join them in the festivities.

First word out of BM's mouth? "NO." And the second and third words as well. She said, "No, no. NO - that's not what you said before. That's not what you want. You said -" At which point, the therapist interrupted and said "why don't we let SD finish?" And SD was so uncomfortable, her eyes darted from BM to the floor, to BM to the floor, she shifted in her chair, she only said "that's all, I guess." After seeing BM's nostrils flaring in fury over the mere mention of my name, I guess SD didn't feel comfortable continuing to express her feelings? How odd.

There's more, but I'm swamped at work! More later. Wow, it feels good to get this all written down and documented. Thanks for being such a captive audience! You all have been such a support through all this. You are a GODSEND.

I can't tell you how much your kind words of support and understanding mean to me. I can't wait to celebrate with you when SD comes to live with us. (I'm keeping a positive outlook. It helps keep stress to a managable level.)