In answer to your question, BM ran him bankrupt so we haven't been able to afford a lawyer to close the divorce. It's so ridiculous. 3 years ago, he thought he DID have a final divorce (before we even got together.) He had this very official-looking document that said "consent to final divorce decree" which he thought was the "final divorce decree". They had both signed it and the divorce was essentially granted except for the fact that she, as the plaintiff, needed to "close the precipe" (whatever that means, right?) After 2 years, we understood that he, as the defendant, could "close the precipe" and he tried. Half a dozen times! Without a lawyer, he couldn't get anywhere. He has gone as far as taking off work and going to the courthouse to ask in person "what do I need to do to rid myself of this woman?!?" (maybe not in those words, lol!) and they were of NO HELP. He has been turned away too many times to even waste another moment continuing to try.

Oh and we've tried free legal aide - he's ineligible because he doesn't live in the county where the divorce was filed, and legal aide in our county won't touch a divorce in another county. He can't take out a loan because she drove him to bankruptcy so I was going to take out a loan from my company because they offer (er USED TO offer) interest-free loans to employees. We were so excited to finally have the money to retain a lawyer and close the divorce, and then that fell through. Huge letdown! Well, now we're just going to use my tax refund to retain a lawyer. The day the money lands in my account, he is officially represented and we will get this damned thing over with!

As for SD, she knows the truth. She's just really torn because she feels bad for poor little mentally ill Mommy who has nothing and no one but SD. She is absolutely in love with her baby sister and is really excited about another new baby, but this all "hurts" Mommy so she just feels really bad about it. BM tries to make like SD having healthy relationships with others outside of her somehow takes away from their relationship. In spite of all BM does to sabotage her relationships with her dad, me, her baby sister, my family, etc, SD really does love us and enjoys spending time with us. By biggest fear is that one day all this attempted alienation by BM will actually SUCCEED. And not because SD doesn't know the truth, but because she just can't deal with BM's wrath anymore.

I appreciate you sharing what your daughter had to say when you were getting remarried. You're right - I think it is normal and age-appropriate to wonder why the next marriage should work when Mom's and Dad's didn't. They certainly want some reassurance, and we're here to give it to them! You know, I need to hear stuff like this from you guys so I'll stop jumping to the conclusion that somehow BM is behind it. I hate constantly being suspicious like that! (But, I have to admit, she gives us good reason to be suspicious!)

As I continued reading your post about your lovely relationship with your daughter, a lightbulb went off in my head because this is what BM tries to convince everyone of - that she and SD have this incredible close relationship blah blah blah. She likes to refer to themselves as "the Gilmore Girls" as though they're the best of friends, more like sisters than mother and daughter, like Lorelai and Rory. (If you haven't seen the show, I highly recommend it!) So BM leans on SD like she is her peer, not her kid. She confides way too adult stuff in her, and makes it out to be something more along the lines of what you have with your daughter where you tell her a lot in the name of honesty and learning about life. She thinks she has with SD what you have with your daughter, but the reality is that she is crippling the poor kid! She has driven SD to several suicide attempts because SD can't take all the adult drama her mom lays on her and BM dares call themselves the Gilmore Girls!

The saddest part is, I don't think BM hasn't been successful at convincing HERSELF that they have such a close perfect relationship. If she had, she wouldn't feel so threatened by ME! She would be confident in their relationship and know that there was nothing I could do to change that!

As for your last point about her holding off the divorce as long as she can out of spite and to keep a wedge, yes that makes PERFECT sense and you're not the only one to see it that way! (I love that you asked if it made sense, oh I got to giggling on that one!)

Thanks again. I always love what you have to say!

I'm proud of you too, for taking the initiative and wading through the legal mumbo jumbo to prepare the papers and make it happen, even when faced with the adversity of "a drug deal gone bad"!! (I can't believe she did that! What a horror! How did that get resolved in the end?!)

I soooooo wish he could get the $500 divorce, but unfortunately since there is already an open pending case for them, we can't simply open a new one that we can then close. I really really appreciate you trying to help though! It's the thought that counts!