I'm beginning to wonder why we ever decided to move to be closer to SD. BM's parental alienation is just too much for me to take anymore. I guess I used to be able to handle it better before when I thought that it wasn't actually working on SD. But now, I don't know, I'm so discouraged, disheartened, hopeless. I really don't think that we'll be able to continue having a meaningful relationship with SD. It's so sad and scary - she's turning into a mini-version of her mother which is my *worst* nightmare.

I just don't know how to deal anymore.

For those of you who know my story, I bet you never thought you'd see this title on my blog, as SD and I have always had a very close and loving relationship. But Friday night I lost it and misdirected my anger and frustration onto her. It wasn't pretty. I hope I've been able to undo any damage. Let me back up a little and explain what happened.

I miss you, my StepTalk friends! So much has happened these past few months and I have barely had time to come up for air. I've been dying to update you, but it seems that once I get a moment to myself, all I want to do is sleep! What can I say? I have a 6-week-old baby who keeps me up all night and a 2-year-old who keeps me busy all day! Not to mention I just started a new job, albeit part-time, because I lost my old one when I was 9 months pregnant!

The lawyer that my fiance met with a few weeks ago got back to him after consulting with her "superstars" in the custody field. Given that we can't afford a lawyer at a minimum cost of $10k, she recommended that we pursue custody on our own! She said we have a rock solid case and there are free legal services at the local universities that can help us wade through it all. She said that money (or lack thereof) does not have to stop us from saving SD. So there's hope! We're looking into what the universities offer and going from there.