I'm new to this group and have trouble keeping up with Blogs and things like that. So, if you don't hear from me for days ... don't worry.

My biggest problem right now isn't so much my SS4, but rather his BM. A bit of history first ... ironically my husband and I both left our former households on the same day; however, we didn't meet until 30 days later, and were married 6-months after that. Quick I know, but ... love at first sight doesn't leave much room for time, and he's in the military and was in the process of getting ready to deploy to Iraq. Shortly after BM met me, she said to my husband that "maybe we made a big mistake." Husband didn't care, moved on with life, and that was that. Problem is, she now holds it against him.

She is the most difficult person in the world to communicate with. SD constantly asks BM for more time with daddy, but she denies it. Even worse, when we do get extended time (Spring Break, etc.), she makes SD believe that he gets more time with daddy cuz mommy said it was okay. She completly manipulates him. I am a Guardian ad Litem and deal with these kinds of issues every day ... what she does to my SD is borderline parental alienation.

Something as simple as wanting to enroll SD in soccer or gymnastics requires time in the middle of the week. We have offered to pay for everything, and she won't give husband the extra time. Instead she says "find something on your own time." That's impossible and she knows it - or close to it (we have found ways around it). She can't even put her son first and say "well, I don't want to give you extra time, but if you want to pay for it still, I'll take him ..."

We almost moved down to her area ... we are about 45 minutes away. Found a house directly behind SD's daycare ... asked her if we rented this house could my husband pick up SD from daycare early when possible, and she could just pick him up from our house. Her first response was "why should I give you extra time?" I was shocked! Everything is a battle for her.

Even swimming lessons. She bought a used boat last summer (even though she has nothing to tow it with, so that makes no sense), and she has an above-ground pool - SD doesn't know how to swim. We took him to the ocean over Spring Break, our hotel had a pool, and we tried to teach him some basics about how to swim ... he screamed like we were beating him to death. When we got back we relayed the situation to her and recommended swimming lessons. We even did the leg work on where, when, and how much. We offered to pay for the swimming lessons. They were twice per week, so we offered to take him both days, or just one day if she wanted to take him the other day. Her response was "you don't have to do anything, my boyfriend will teach him." My husband was irate.

I'm hoping as new problems arise that this group may be able to provide some insight. My profession provides me with a lot of contact with mental health professionals, and they all say there is problably something chemically imballanced with her. I tend to give her the benefit of the doubt as they are only hearing my side of the story. But it is like a cycle with her. Another one said she sounds very controlling and narcisistic, so we approached everything with how it benefited her, instead of SD ... that didn't work either. Nothing we try works ... even leaving her alone, or responding with one sentences responses ... doesn't work. If we leave her alone, she finds something to complain about. I know this professionally as "holding on with hate."

A couple of weeks ago she spent 20 minutes bitching at my husband telling him what a horrible father he is (this couldn't be further from the truth). He asked her for examples, and she kept coming back to money (this is typical), but she also said something that was totally enlightening. She said "ever since you met Katrina, you've changed." Well, that said it all ... she wants what I have ... she wants her ex-husband back. She resents me for making him happy and for loving her son. SD loves me very much too by the way ... it's so dang adorable.

So any advice or input that you all can give me woudl be greatly appreciated ...

Cheers!! ~ Katrina