wits end with 10 year old SD
Hi I am the stepmom to a 5 kids.. My 10 year old SD has refused to eat unless its junk food or fast food. She eats at her BM house, friends house, but every meal during visitation is a battle. she will sit at the table for hours. Not giving her snacks, pizza etc doesn't work it doesn't bother her. Talking stuff away doesn't work. She was always a nice child but the last few months has been nothing but rude, bratty and disrespectful. My DH and I agree for the most part as its a battle of the wills with her, but right when we are making a point and she is almost ready to eat he says ok you don't have to and that I should accommodate and make her what she wants like I am a short order cook. I make dinner for all of us and it's stuff she eats, why should she get special treatment over the other children.
It's very frustrating. Asking her to do her chore is a battle she doesn't want to do anything or she does it wrong with the hopes of not having to do same. her two sibling say that at their house with their BM and New Stepdad she doesn't have to do anything. she is the stepdad's favorite he tells her that, he pays her money to give him hugs, or "rat" on the other kids.. I am fighting a losing battle with her. she has been disrespectful to me rolling her eyes at everything I say...
My DH response is that is who she is... well its not acceptable to me.. I now dread visiation dinner/weekend cause of her....
I agree with Troll. This is
I agree with Troll. This is her dad's problem not yours. If he wants her to have something special cooked to order for his princess then by all means let him get to it. Not your responsibility at all to be her short order chef.
My SD (10) also has this annoying habit of eating VERY slowly when she doesn't like something. She will usually finish if she knows there is a treat "reward" for eating which also annoys me but I look at it as my SO's problem not mine. I don't think kids should be rewarded for eating. He can get on her or reward her or whatever he wants since she is his responsibility.
Firs off, refuse to cook a
Firs off, refuse to cook a separate meal for her and no snacks if she doesn't eat dinner. Tell DH if he isn't on board with that then he can start cooking the meals when the skids are there. Secondly, she has turned into a monster because it appears her SF is making her that way. She is getting special treatment at BM's. It won't take long for the other kids to start despising her and not want her around because she will tell on them.
But she isn't too young to learn there are different rules at different houses. Stick to your guns as far as no doing separate meals. If your DH wants to cook something else then that is on him. Disengage from that battle.
I find that many SMs and BDs
I find that many SMs and BDs blame BM and SF for SK's dysfunction. Yes, it can often be something that starts/happens there but sometimes these DHs and SKs need to be called on their crap.
What this girl wants to eat,
What this girl wants to eat, doesn't eat, eats at BM's house shouldn't concern you so much, but more so your DH, if at all. Battling about food can lead to other problems with food and eating down the road.
And sitting at the table for hours? People still do this? Is this because you guys make her?
"he pays her money to give him hugs" Yeah, that's not creepy AT ALL.
Yeah super creepy and gross.
Yeah super creepy and gross.
I was thinking the same
I was thinking the same thing. Sounds like grooming to me...
Sounds exactly like he's
Sounds exactly like he's grooming her!
I wonder if the eating issue is part of something bigger.
We had and still do
We had and still do occasionaly have battles with SS over food. The rule is if they don't eat their dinner than they don't get dessert. If they are still sitting at the table long after everyone else is done eating, they don't get a choice and they have to brush their teeth and go to bed.
When I first started dating DH, he would cook normal meals, kids would refuse to eat, and then he would make them ramen noodles or PB&J sandwiches (with the crust cut off).
I refused to do those things. I do all the cooking and pay for all the groceries. If he wanted to allow his kid to throw away perfectly good food, he could spend his own money and time waiting on the royal children.
As a result, the kids will eat almost anything. (unless SS is feeling like being a brat that day)
You should not be cooking multple meals for this child. If you DH won't make her eat her dinner, HE can be her personal chef. Not you.
Yeah - ummmm....first of
Yeah - ummmm....first of all....StepDad sounds like a perv. :sick:
Secondly, if she doesn't want to eat, just let it go. At 10, she can fend for herself.
Simply tell her this is what we're having tonight. If you don't like what we're having, you can fix yourself a bowl of cereal. It's not a mean thing to say or do. You are not a short order cook - end of discussion.
Let it go. Trust me, you will have bigger battles to fight down the road!
All of the above. You don't
All of the above. You don't deal with it at all.
I had/have the same issue.
1) I don't cook more than one meal for all if I cook.
2) If SD doesn't want to eat it not my issue, DH can deal with her.
3) SD didn't like daddy dealing with her so she learned to cook what she wants and make her own school lunches.
4) I don't monitor when/where/what she eats, ever.
5) I don't buy her special food at the store, unless I want some too, i.e. cheesy popcorn.
Example of success from last night:
DH, "I think SD13 would like these peas, they are sweet peas."
Me, "She doesn't eat fruit and only sometimes broccoli and cauliflower - sometimes." (I don't monitor but I know what she's eating at dinner as she sits across from me)
DH, "Yeah, but they are really good!"
Me, "I've discussed her food issues with you before and I'm going to be done with this conversation now."
DH, "I don't want to talk about it!"
Me - shrugs and walks away...
Make one thing you know
Make one thing you know she'll eat, it can be mashed potatoes, garlic bread, or peas. Even if it means that you make garlic bread every night for her.
She only has to eat what she wants but she doesn't get anything else.
She won't starve and she will eventually try new and different things.
I would also have DH have a long talk with her about good touching and bad touching.
I have friends who say this has worked great in their house.
http://denver.citymomsblog.com/parenting/why-we-dont-keep-secrets-in-our...
seriously you prepare
seriously you prepare something just for her... you are enabling this behavior.... stop..
You make one meal, that's it, if she does not want to eat so be it, she gets nothing else and can go to bed hungry.
if she's disrespectful, smile and give her a witch face and say, I'm not your SF or BM if you can't speak to me decently then shut the hell up. yes I will put the living fear in this girl with my stares only...
If Dh should say anything about it, he will be sorry, I can stare him down as well and say, NO she's not a special snowflake, we all eat the same food, no one else has an issue with it, there will not be something special for her... you have 4 other children as well and we will not only cater for 1 understood.
Get the 4 other kids on your side...