20-year-old sd living in my house
Help! My #20 year old step daughter moved in again. She does not work or attempt to. She eats, sleeps and hangs with friends does not help at the house. She is again in legal trouble. I am at witts end! I told my husband we are not helping her. She doesn't even respond if we get after her for something, just rolls her eyes
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So - heres some advice
Give her notice that she is to pay x amount of rent.
Shes not to receive any $$$.
Shes not to eat your food. (locks or combo locks on everything)
Sleep? Oh yeah soooooo sorry, you have to vaccum at at X time every day.
Or better yet, bag her stuff and change the locks.
Is it YOUR house? Or yours
Is it YOUR house? Or yours and your husbands?
If it belongs to YOU, kick her out. If he doesn't like it, tell them to get an apartment together.
If it belongs to both of you... What is your husband doing to get her OUT? If he does nothing, you have a husband problem.
Welcome to the site!
Exactly what Aniki says - at 20 she has been an adult for 2 yrs and needs to get her own life, and her own place to live. If she had a job or were contributing to the household income in some way, her presence would not be so toxic, but she is just a disagreeable leech and a burden on you. If your husband does not see this, he is as much the problem as her.
Ground rules
Sounds like all of you need to sit down with paper and pencil...no .. Tablet and create list of chores and responsibilities for each person. Make sure she's on birth control. Don't they have a 5 year shot now?
When osd 18 refused to attend the second family meeting, she moved out soon after that to live w/ bm.
She wouldn't be living in MY
She wouldn't be living in MY house.
I lived at home when I was 20. I worked, went to school, and cleaned house top to bottom weekly (with minor cleaning/picking up daily).
Why does your husband allow this from his grown daughter?
Well, it is our house but
Well, it is our house but currently doesn't seem like it. We don't give her money, she says she gets it from friends. She eats like no tomorrow. I told her dad (my husband) we need to get on her about getting a job, he says something like why bother she's never going to leave. I said so until we die or move we're stuck?? I think he feels bad because she had it difficult with her mom when she was really young and is trying to make up for it... I don't know. I asked her the other day if she feels bad doing nothing and just living off us and I get no comment. Also we don't pay for her phone her grandma does. I feel like I'm just screwd.
I think he feels bad because
I think he feels bad because she had it difficult with her mom when she was really young
There is no way to make up for that. He is making it worse by not preparing her for life and the real world, which is his job as a parent. Way to go for crippling your daughter, DH (in this case, the D is for Dumb).
He is not doing any better at parenting than her mom did, it's just bad in a different way.
" I told her dad (my husband)
wrong place. my bad.
I feel your pain
I posted yesterday about my SD. I finally got her out of the house back with her mother just before she turned 21. Literally, because the disrespect was so bad we almost came to blows. She has no respect for herself, and less for you and your DH. I am still dealing with crap from her on another level 20 years later. Trust me, it's not going to turn around by her or your DH. WE are the ones that will be forced to make the change. If I were you I'd give her two weeks to find somewhere else to live before you end up with bigger problems than you have right now. And, from the way it sounds, she's very similar to my SD... it doesn't get much better, it just evolves. But get her out of the house.
" I told her dad (my husband)
" I told her dad (my husband) we need to get on her about getting a job, he says something like why bother she's never going to leave"
well honey bunch, if she doesn't...I just might. How's about we set a target date and if she isn't out by it I may start packing.