I feel this way about SD13. We get her EOW, supposed to get her 50% of summer (not happening this summer) and a week at Christmas.

My DS12 from my XH is with us 100% of the time because his dad is not involved.

I do not feel like our home is SD home. She has her own room and stuff but she completely disrupts the flow of things when she is there.

It's been a long time since the girl skids have stayed with us, but I always felt like they were visitors.

I'm sure when DH had his own place, the girl skids felt like his place was there home when they were there. They basically took it over and were true mini wives.

When we moved in together into our house, for me it was hard for me to share "my" home with kids who weren't consistently there and who I felt like didn't respect me. Plus it was clear from the beginning that they did feel like it was THEIR home with Dad and I as just staying there. :? But by the time DH and I moved into our home, the relationship with the skids had begun to sour. They just felt like intruders to me.

SS lived with us when we first got the house and I did feel like it was his house but we had strict rules for him. Then later when he stayed with us again for 3 months, we didn't even give him a key. He had to be in a certain time or we wouldn't open the door for him.

My BS who doesn't see his dad a lot (except in the summer) says that his dad's house feels like his second house. I have seen texts from his dad to BS that says "I can't wait for you to come home." So they both feel like his home is also BS's home.

I don't feel like skids live with us. We have about 36% custody, so a month in the summer and every other weekend for 4 days. In fact, it irritates the pee out of me that they have their own rooms. I could use that additional space, but we keep it closed off. I mean, we use it if we have guests, but that's it.

Nope, our home is not the skids home and with EOW visitation I doubt it ever will be. They say "what time are we going home" etc. regarding BM's house. They have a room but I still call it the guest room sometimes, it is where I sleep when DH snores or is up late watching TV.

My dogs - DH - me = who lives in my home.

I didn't feel my SD lived with us. DH had her EOWE, and even that was sporadic sometimes, due to SD cancelling on him whenever she felt like it or BM just being a bitch.

School breaks and summer were still EOWE, so we never had her for an extended period of time. DH would occasionally take a few days off of work in the summer and she would come over for a few extra days but that was it.

When we bought a house, she had her own room but it was not just her room (spare bedroom/TV room).

Our niece stayed with us more than SD did, I didn't consider her living there, either.

I don't feel like my Skids "lived" with us, but as their father lived there, it was one of their homes.

I have the opposite situation because my kids are the ones who aren't always here. My SD10 is here all the time. She lives with us full-time, so yes, I do feel like this is her home. My kids are here 50% of the time, and I still feel like they live here. My son has his own room (he is the only boy) and we leave it undisturbed when he isn't here. SD10 sometimes uses his computer or his desk, but she still has to ask.

I think most kids would consider their parent's home as their own, even if they are only there part of the time. I can understand how a parent would be upset if their partner said that it wasn't skid's home. I would be pi**ed if DH said that this isn't my bios' home, as much as SD, especially as I pay a majority of the bills.

This is a part of step life that is challenging for me. I don't feel like our home is their home. They come EOWE and 50% of summer. They clearly feel right at home and take over. It feels very invasive to me, especially when they won't respect the house rules that my bios must follow.

There have been a few times SD15 has dropped by midweek and just walked into the house. It scared the bejeez out of me for a split second until I realized who was walking into my home. DH clearly has no problem with it. It makes him feel better to think of it as their home too.

There was a period of 2.5 years that SD15 lived with us. I did feel that the home was hers too while she lived with us.

Yeah. I feel this way, too. I tried to make the skids feel welcome...did up rooms for them, shared the weekly menu with them, bought food they liked. They still talked about going to "Dad's House" vs "going home." Not their fault and not ours that the young felt that way...so why should o feel guilty that they feel like visitors to me as well?

my view on this....

If it's the skids home, they will do the same as any other person in the house, thus chores, cleaning up after themselves, obeying rules and respect the rules and people in the house.... regardless if they are only there 2 days out of a year or EOWE

If the skids are treated like guests and it's not their home, then why moan if they do not do chores?

We have lived in our home for over 10 years and I don't think any skid has stayed here overnight, and SS was still in high school then. This is obviously not their home nor would they ever want it to be. As they liked to tell us back then, BMs home is much bigger and nicer and that is their true home, where they chose to stay during college breaks and holidays. But if I were to ever suggest to DH that our house is not their home he would have a fit. To him anywhere he is is their home, too.

Meh... it's my house, but... We're home. We're going home. when we drop off the kid, it's You're going home. When we come back from the store and kid is with us, we're going home. If we're taking the kid back, it's You're going home. Whatever...both places are called home for the kid.

Sometimes the kid needs clarification, so he'll as "I'm going to my mom's house?" or "we're going to your house?" but whatever.

Kid has his own room in my home. He really only sleeps there one or two nights a week... so the rest of the time, the other kids can (and do) use the room for some "quiet time" if they need to get out of each others' faces... and we keep seasonal stuff in the closet.

Although - I think it's important to note that the way I've raised my kids thus far - they're aware it's my home - I'm the one who's worked for it, pays for it, maintains is... and yes, they live with me half the time - but it's full of MY STUFF....which means they better treat everything in the home with respect, because it's not "theirs", it's "mine"; e.g: It's not their door to slam, it's mine, so if they can't treat it with respect they will not have the privilege of having one.

Where I chose to live will always be a home base for them - but it will always be my home... it will always be their mother's home... and they will treat it with the same respect as if they were a guest. Just because they're my kids doesn't mean they're entitled to crap all over everything I've worked for...

Also - they're raised that everyone who lives there contributes. That will stay with them wherever they go - whether they're with roomates, a partner, solo... everyone has to help out. Period.

I don't consider this to be my SS's house at all. They have done NOTHING to help with the upkeep, no mowing, no chores. They would just come, trash the place and run out the door when it was time to go home.

DH, however, used to consider this their home too. That all stopped after an incident between OSS/MSS and BS.

BS lived with me FT and only went to XH's house maybe 4 days a month if that. SS's were here maybe one night a week and EOW.
MSS and OSS felt it was OK to go into BS's room when he wasn't here and just trash it looking for things they wanted to take. DH caught MSS trying to steal BS's new jacket and busted him for it. That was the ONLY time that MSS was ever made to apologize for anything.

The next time OSS took BS expensive headphones that BS let MSS use. They were in MSS's room and OSS felt since they were "brothers" it was ok for him to take them without telling anyone. YSS ratted him out.

I became livid. DH tried to claim that OSS thought it was OK since they were all "brothers". I pointed out that if he feels that way then BS should be allowed to waltz up into BM's house and go through the SS's rooms and just take whatever he feels he wants. DH came back with a "but that is the SS's home". EXACTLY DH...and this is BS's Home. NO difference. Your kids are visitors.....this is my kids permanent home. BS can't go up in OSS/MSS's permanent room and just do as he pleases, then they can't come into BS's room and take anything they want. DH finally got it.

We started locking BS's room whenever the SS's were here and BS wasn't. I caught them trying to open his door a few times but they couldn't get In.

Now neither MSS or OSS come over so there are no worries. But when they do come over on a rare visit, I lock BS's door. And he doesn't even live here anymore.

when mom would get bro and i for a visitation, we never felt her residence was our home. our home was the home we grew up in.

since dh is custodial, yup, my home is their home. when dh had 50/50 or more, it was their home. when dh had EOWE he did visitation at IL's, so way back then my home was not their home as much as i welcomed them.

Yes! It's hard to feel like they live with you when you don't see them often. It's the same with SS. We try very hard to treat him like he does though. Still has to follow the rules and do his chores when he's here and gets all the same privileges DH and my kids do. It's not wrong to feel this way IMHO. It's natural.

This is my skids' home. They are here every weekend and various other times. They are my dh's kids. His home is their home.

Until the one turns 18, of course.