Meeting with ss23 went great!!!
So, I was all ready to give ss23 my prepared statement from my previous post and stick to my boundaries, etc. etc. Turns out, ss23 was packing up to move back to bm's house this weekend anyway. YAAY! We actually had a really good heart-to-heart, he owned that he got triggered by having to move out and he's working on getting better at that, plus he said he KNOWS he's not easy to live with because he is so messy, and that he is trying to work on that too. We ended up with a hug and plans to see him a couple of times this summer for dinner or whatever. DH is still out of town, so I will ask ss to give dad a call or text him with his plans.
But YAY! I am doing a happy dance over here, I can hardly believe i will be getting my house back in a few days, and that I didn't even have to be a bad ass to accomplish it.
Glad you updated, since I was
Glad you updated, since I was wondering.
For DH's sake, I hope that he sees his son more than a few times every couple of months ... for your sake, I'm glad that he and his facetiming gf are out of your house. Bet your food and utility bills will drop while your enjoyment of your life will increase.
Good for you for actually setting up a face-to-face and having a script. Too many of us are not clear communicators. Then, conversations devolve to hints and eventually passive aggressive behavior. Kudos.
Perfect. The best script for
Perfect. The best script for these kinds of things is one you don't have to use. I always find that if I am prepared for the worst and have mapped out my thoughts and intended words things usually do not go as badly as I am prepared for.
As they say, preparation prevents persperation.
I am happy to hear that it went well. Now.... will he actually move? That is the question. The "in a few days" thing gives me some concern. Some people are masters of the smoke and mirrors routine and telling people what they think people want to hear.
I have no doubt SS will move
I have no doubt SS will move - his room at bm's is being redone, since the plan was for him to move back there June 1st anyway. His things are about halfway packed, and his plan is to load up tomorrow night and after work Friday go directly to bm's house to unload, then on to the girlfriends for the weekend.
He and dh still work at the same company, so they can potentially see each other 4 days a week until Fall, when ss23 enters Chiropractic school, which is just a few blocks from bm's house - which is why he was moving back there anyway. He did all the needed steps this time to get in and was officially accepted a couple of days ago - so he IS learning, just a slow starter.
I am beyond happy this turned out like it did, I didn't even realize how stressed out it was making me until I had this news. whew!!! My shoulders dropped about 6 inches. SS texted dad to let him know, telling him he really just wanted to simplify and have only one 'home base' instead of two, plus going to gf's school every weekend, it was too much moving around. And that totally makes sense. In a way it was repeating the hardest part of his childhood, going back and forth. Which was his idea, by the way. We never insisted he go somewhere else on the weekends (they work a 4 day week, so the weekend is Sat-Mon). DH said he is a little sad, but also happy for SS23 to be simplifying his life and having a new adventure (DH tends to be pretty positive about most everything.
I keep playing it over and over in my head, and don't think it could have gone better. SS23 really expressed evidence of some soul searching and also that he realized we are NOT abandoning him, but that he is aware he gets triggered by things, and he is working on slowing down his thoughts and questioning the stories he tells himself, because he knows we support him. And that he knows that how bm raised him was to make him feel like her (bad) feelings were his fault somehow, and that we have never done that. WOW.
So thankful for you guys - gave me the courage to set this conversation in motion. THANKS.
So glad that it all turned
So glad that it all turned out for the best.
Can I be jealous right now??
Can I be jealous right now?? I could only WISH SS23 had somewhere else to go.
SO happy for you!
He just now left with his
He just now left with his first load to take to bm's house. He said he would be back tonight, and after work tomorrow get the rest loaded up (bike, food, etc.) and head out. He was pleasant as could be. YAY. Hope it works out for you too dadsnewwife - it's taken a while, so patience paid off.