SS23...still moving out but I've realized...
I got so much good advice from everyone about SS23 throwing a fit because he has to move out. He is now pretty much ignoring me, even more than usual. Which is awkward. He's not downright rude, and I don't want him 'hanging out' anyway, BUT, over the years I've thought we had a pretty good relationship and a peaceful one. To be honest, I've realized that I just don't actually LIKE him. Wouldn't choose to hang out with him in any other circumstance whatsoever. And that really isn't his fault - and it isn't mine either. I think I do love him, because I can have empathy with him, but mostly, he's just sort of annoying...arrogant, self involved. (we went to a celebration dinner for my granddaughter with my daughter, her hubby, her kiddos, my ex - and current DH, and my ss23 came along. All the rest of us had a good time - my ex, dh and I get along just fine. Later my daughter told me her dad asked her...what is up with SS23? He just sat there acting like he was better than everyone...it's so weird. I have so much respect for his dad (my DH) that I just tried to overlook it!) I've been part of a "blended" family for almost 35 years, and we've gotten pretty good at it, but this is really troubling me.
I know I shouldn't feel guilty, but it's hard not to. Where can I find more about disengaging more effectively? And should I be TRYING to like him more?
Jasper, over the years he has
Jasper, over the years he has sometimes given me cards or the occasional small gift, and has said he loves me. It is more his reaction to anything his dad does that doesn't fit his needs or plans, be trots out what amounts to a script from the BM..."I feel abandoned... I can't be real with you..bla bla. We listen, we have apologized for anything we honestly can "own", try to be super supportive. He parrots the stuff his mom poisoned his mind with for years and it is just OLD. I know he's working through things like we all do, it just hurts to see dh want his approval and have it held out of reach. I don't think he even consciously does it, he just does what he has seen his BM do all his life.
And sueu2. YES, cannot WAIT
And sueu2. YES, cannot WAIT to have my house back!!!!
Yeah - as if he will now grow
Yeah - as if he will now grow up - his mom is re-doing his room for him at her house, painting and refinishing the floor and having ss girlfriend help so he can land there while he goes back to grad school (even SHE said that she thinks he's afraid to not be a student, yet here she is enabling that).. and she can once again be the "good" parent. But, whatever, don't know why it is so hard to let go of wishing they would just stop acting like the victims in a big drama. Workiong on it! I guess I'm a peacemaker at heart.