So this time I’m not writing to vent or ask for advice. I walked into a house where kids were failing, stealing, drugs, dirty and messy, marijuana, lazy, no work, no driving, internet addiction etc. Kids were 20/16/14

I fought with my husband A LOT! And left numberous times, saying ‘give me a cut off date. If they aren’t functioning adults, when is the cut off date for them to move out?’. Couple of counseling sessions where counselor said to him you need more discipline etc.

i pushed and pushed  and yelled for a year and a half, comparing other kids achievements. Saying ‘do you feel proud of your kids?’ Etc really going against my nature and being generally awful to get my point across that none of this was normal. Or maybe the kids behaviour was but the parenting response was not.

so here we are today: 22/18/16 all have jobs. People are showering and cleaning after themselves, everyone is doing well at school. Paying for their own car insurance and mobile phones. Showering, not stealing, doing own washing, emptying dishwasher and sweeping, no drugs we are aware of etc etc

now I’m not saying we don’t still have some issues. 16 yr old has taken to yelling at his dad and banging walls. But DH has really stepped up and taken away electronics, tv. Boy said what if I don’t stop? DH said we’ll then at 18 you have a choice to make. Breaks his heart but wow has he stepped up. 

It was like a light switch went off and he started listening to me and noticing what his kids were doing and saying. We have custody of the kids. BM was getting them every second weekend but now they work she doesn’t see them at all. 

This is not to minimize everyone else’s outcomes that are different. I still remember what it felt like, the hopelessness of not wanting to leave because you love someone but are in an unbearable situation with the kids. And had this continued I would have left. But thankfully it’s working out