Don't know where to start, but my 23 year old stepson graduated from college last summer, and my dh got him a job at the company where he works for the summer. The plan was that ss would save some money, then go back to grad school in the fall. He procrastinated some things and was not admitted to grad school in the fall and now he's gonna keep working until...next year. We agreed to let him stay here, and I drafted an agreement with him that has only 2 non-negotiable items - keep his space clean, organized and neat, and buy his own laundry detergent. That's it! No rent, no other real chores or responsibilities. He agreed that it was very reasonable. And, as I figured, he has turned his space into what looks like a nightmare of a dorm room with ...well it's a pig sty. He has cleaned it up several times, but I DO NOT WANT this to be MY responsibility to "remind" him, for goodness sake. For the record, we have a very small house - almost a 'tiny house' and we moved here on purpose because we wanted the simplicity. So it's hard enough sharing space - no privacy at all. It is stressing me out, and I'm usually pretty mellow. When I've tried to talk to hubby about it, he said he didn't want a "drama", which was insulting, as all I am doing is asking someone to keep an agreement. There is no yelling, no name calling, no pouting or anything of the sort from me around this, much less 'drama'. The 'drama' is coming from ss not keeping up his end of the deal.

I just sent ss a facebook link to the Japanese book on "The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up" - (he was a Japanese minor in college) - and said, "being organized and neat is life affirming and gives freedom, besides we have an agreement. If you choose not to abide by it, then you need to find new living quarters. Love you, but that is the deal. We will discuss, but those are the terms. No kidding."

I don't want to guilt trip or shame him, just point out that the agreement is something that is just not working for him, and therefore he needs to make some choices. My husband won't be happy I suspect, but I'm really done. Hubby and the bm I think keep 'rescuing' ss and unconsciously compete to be the 'good' parent, but I don't care at this point. I don't get my self-worth from whether or not ss likes me. Which, actually, he does. i.e. he had his first big fight with his first girlfriend, and came to me to process it for HOURS. This is not unusual, he does seek my advice and support.

I just don't know what else to do, and looking for ideas or support from people who "get it" Help!