New here, Glad I found you all! Long introduction and issues
Hello:) I am a FT Mama to DD9 & DD14 and DH has visitation EOW and Tuesday inc ON with SD8 and SS11. We have been married 6 months, together 4 years. BM is a psychotic witch, hates me and my girls to the core & is currently alienating SD and SS away from DH. (DH is a bad man. He buys his new wife nice things and not you)BM is a religious nutcase, thinks since her and DH were married in a church before God that they will always be married...she is remarried however she hasnt quit calling DH her husband. DH wanted the divorce and I get the blame since i'm the reason they will never reconcile.
Anyhoo- some facts =SD and SS were home schooled until this past year by BM who has barely a HS education. They are not allowed to watch cable tv. They are not allowed around any children outside of their church circle of friends or family. They arent allowed to see any G rated movies that may have "gay references" - They are weird. Period. SS11 follows DH around like a lost puppy, "daddy" is still very much said, and often. "Daddy, play with me"... The kid still wants to crawl in the shower with DH if he would allow it (no way). SS has awful OCD, scrubs hands 10x day, wont let anyone touch him or the food he eats. Asks if we have washed hands after we use restroom etc. Its bad. This kid drives me nuts. I cannot stand for him to walk through the door. He dislikes me. He believes every word that his mother says about me being Satan. He will no longer spend the night here, only stays a couple of hours on his days and wants to call his "mommy" to go home. CO said BM must take him to counseling. She refuses.."God will heal him" Sure... Now SD8 is a little better, still bratty but not as bad. DH refers to her as his "baby girl" she gets the 2nd biggest room w/walk in closet even though shes never here. She never spends the night here anymore either.
My DD's are really laid back, I wouldnt know they were home unless they want to eat lol. They entertain themselves, pick up after themselves and are low maintenance. I raised them to be independent. SS & SD cannot pick up a crumb to save their lives. They are like a tornado coming through when they are here. DH is a great man. He takes care of me and my girls financially and I do not work outside of the home. However, I cannot get across to him the importance of making his kids be more independent. They are babied with their BM, kept in a bubble. BM even still brushes SS11's teeth. What are some ways to make him see my point? He says " they're only here a little while EOW, why do they have to do anything?" I cannot win.
Below is a link to a article
Below is a link to a article on disengaging. When the kids are at your place you simply let Daddy deal with them. He feeds them, he entertains them, everything. When they leave he cleans up after them. They are not your responsibility nor your concern. If they go off the God cliff into insanity its not your problem. Just let the whole tribe be and they'll get along just fine without you I suspect.
http://steptogether.org/help.html
Wonderful article. I am going
Wonderful article. I am going to try to disengage. It will be a chore since DH will not cook for his kids or clean up after them, all left up to me. I suppose by disengaging this will help him "see the light" Thanks!
Good advice. I will plan on
Good advice. I will plan on being out of the house EOW
Fingers are crossed for changes!
Welcome! I'm also married to
Welcome! I'm also married to a man who's ex is a pain in the ass, and who have a daughter whom is much less independent than she should be for her age. BM babies her, and DH just doesn't realize a lot of the little things that she should be doing on her own. He used to give me a hard time ("you just don't like my daughter"), but I finally told him, "look, I'm not going to do anything for her that I wouldn't do for my own child at that same age." He gets it now, and when something comes up, he handles it. I feel very fortunate. I, like you, am a SAHM/SM. I see some parallels in our situations. Welcome!
It's like I wrote this post
It's like I wrote this post and not you. I'm in the same situation except we have 50/50 custody, so they are here all the damn time. No avoiding these little brats. If they were here less, I would probably back off a little bit and just accept what I can't change. Right now, I feel like they are sort of mine.. No matter how much I try to disengage. I can't just let the house get messed up and I have to mediate their fights, teach them right from wrong, etc... But if they were never there but once a week, or a couple hours a day here and there, then I could just shut their doors to their rooms, and have DH clean it up. I wouldn't mediate fights or discipline, because if they aren't really living with you. Just send them to their rooms to cool off so you don't have to deal with it. They aren't your problem....
Thank you to all for the warm
Thank you to all for the warm welcome
BM is delusional, Ive said it for years now. SD had tonsils removed yesterday so BM invited DH to her house to visit SD (of course this is DH's wknd & SD is at BM's, she likes to plan things that way) DH went....made me feel really uncomfortable. Do I start something about it when he comes home? Probably. He has SS with him today, whom im sure is filled with JOY that his parents are together as a family for a short time. Last fall when we married, SS 11 came into the house and took down every hanging photo of DH and I, every picture of my DD's & every "family" saying photo and packed them into a suitcase and hid it.When DH questioned him his response was " of all the ppl you could marry and u had to marry her"... Why?? Because Im Satan thats why! Ugh.
Im going to disengage the situation and see if I can find peace. Im hopeful that if he has to deal with them when they are here, he will start to line them out. As far as the religious fanatic crap...she will never change. Kids dont have a chance & DH says they are too far gone. I dont believe that, they both need away from her but not here..lol