There's basically only one poster I've seen who has such a hang up on SAHM's. She will try to bring it into any topic that mom posts. We all know who I'm talking about, HRNYC or whatever order the letters are in lol.

Just ignore. I wish people wouldn't feed the negative unhelpful comments because it really takes away attention from the posters who are trying to help.

I'm a working SM, with 1 on the way. I will be a working mom. It will be hard. I wish I could be a SAHM. not because it will be easy, but because I would be able to know that my child was safe with me. However, if we want to live the way we do - we can't afford that. I think a lot of women wish they had the option to be a SAHM. I know I do, even if it was just for a year! Lol.

Yep, nobody's business except the couple who decides that that's the way they want to do it.

And what she does and doesn't do as a SAHM is also only the couple's business.

I'm a SAHWM.

I stay physically at home but I'm working my ass off with 3 companies and school AND a part time job.

My money is my money, his money is also my money. Why? Because I spend MY money on us, while he would spend it on himself if I didn't give him some sort of requirement.

I pay for shelter, mortgage, prop taxes, utilities, for all of us. So I ask that he gives me something (groceries and BD's costs) to even that out. So in essence, yes, in our situation (which may not be anyone else's), all the money I make is for my "things" (property) and some of his money is for our "things" (food and BD.) However, in the grand scheme of things, I'm paying for him in some places, he's paying for me in some places.

I agree some people definitely assume too much. It's amusing once you realize it's the same person or people doing it. The psychology of it is fascinating.

If being a SAHM mom is such a great thing, why do so many SMs get upset when BMs and their new husbands decide to go that route? :?

OP, as a SM I can understand your husband's point. He's helping to support your kids. You have the balls to tell him his kids have grandparents who should buy them things. Well that knife cuts both ways . Your kids have two parents who should be supporting them.

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To me, the point is not so much who buys what for whom and with whose money. For all we know, SAHM reciprocates in other ways that are sufficient for DH. I really dont believe he is resenting the money situation. Basically, it is impolite if not cruel to lavish one set of kids with goodies while the others just look on. Add in the step dynamic, and it's a no brainer.

Would you bring ice cream sundays only for your blood relatives knowing that the steps were there too? While the chosen ones are slurping down their treats, would you just tell the others "Life is not fair and this is a good lesson to learn"?

I Wish I could be a stay at home mom, I'm expecting my first in 6 weeks. But with a mortgage, DH student loans, my student loans, 2 car payments, and my shopping addiction, it is vital that I work. Maybe when DH gets another promotion.

I don't care what people choose to do with their family decisions. SAHM or WM makes no difference to me. I've seen judgmental people on BOTH sides of that argument though .. it's not just SAHM's taking the heat ..

I think every family has to do what's best for them. Women, in my experience, show a lot of their insecurities by being catty with each other. Sometimes it's subtle - and sometimes it's very blatant.

I knew from the time I was a little girl that I didn't want to stay home. I've always wanted to work outside the home. Shoot, up until I hit my late 20s, I didn't even want kids. My biological clock must've started ticking too loudly to ignore or something, and I chose to have my first child at 31. The second one - my "bonus" kid - came along when I was 36. He wasn't planned, but he's an absolute joy!

Some people will try to make working moms feel guilty for not being there 24/7 for their kids (my stepson's BM - a SAHM - tried that a few times with me initially, but I ignored it, and she stopped after a while). Other people will try to make SAHM's feel guilty, like all they do is sit around on the sofa eating bon bons and watching TV all day. (Well, that's true in my stepsons' BM's case, but I know that's not the norm.)

No matter what you are - WM or SAHM - life is NOT easy. There are good things and bad things about both lifestyles. You just have to do what works best in your particular situation.

With that being said, I think any partner that chooses to stay home - be it the mom or the dad - that person should be expected to handle the vast majority of domestic chores. My ex husband came home one day and announced he'd quit his job to be a stay-at-home dad. Trouble is, to him, that meant he was free to sit on his ass all day and do nothing. He wouldn't cook, clean, buy groceries, keep kids when they were at home sick from school, NOTHING. I was still expected to do just as much as I was while he was still employed.

No matter who you are, if you choose to stay home, you better be ready to do SOMETHING to contribute. Just my two cents. (Sorry, that's a touchy subject for me, just based on what the ex put me through until I dumped his sorry ass...)