bio mom never home

Forums:

Skids told DH that their mom is now attending college in a town 100 miles from where they live. She isn't coming home Monday thru Friday. Skids one is 12 the other 16 are staying with the boyfriend. Boyfriend leaves for work at 4:30am leaving skids to get ready for school and catch the bus. 12 year old has to stay at school till 5:30pm in an after school program. My DH concern is there is nobody close if anything were to happen. 12 year old was sick for three days last week and was home alone during that time. We don't fault her for going back to school, however DH feels the kids need more from a parent then a weekend. We live six hours away. Get them once a month but are thinking maybe we have a chance at having them full time since she is not available to them five days out of seven. Can anybody give us insight on if we stand a chance?

I'd ask a lawyer in effect

I'd ask a lawyer in effect she has abandoned them to a non relative. Maybe yoy can work out an arrangement to switch custody till she finishes school. I'm not sure how it works but leaving them with a non relative for 5 days at a time I'd think you could force something

If I were your DH I would go

If I were your DH I would go get the kids and file for emergency custody. BM is just using the kids to collect long term prostitution services payments in the form of CS. She is not even home to parent her children and lives 100 miles away. There is a big difference between her BF watching the kids for a few hours in the afternoon and evenings while she is in class but living 100miles away 5 days a week is something else entirely.

Nope, bring the pain down on BM for being the idiot she is.

IMHO of course.

Here Here. Go get them.

Here Here. Go get them. Charge her child support. And relax for you free babysitting days if she ever wants to have them visit. Time is of the essence

I wouldn't be okay with a SM

I wouldn't be okay with a SM or GF watching skids 5 days a week 24 hours a day when a bio parent is available I'd call bullshit on that double standard. It's one thing if BM or a BD were home in the evenings but in this case that is not true are there full time SM'd because BD has a job that takes them away and BM has either dropped out of the picture or is not a safe environment? Sure again not the case here. There is a bio available and wants the kids they should have that right to take it to suggest it to BM or take legal action.

Duplicate

Duplicate ..........................

Interesting. I changed

Interesting. I changed schools 4 times between 5th and 9th grade and went to two different high schools. My younger brother had changes at the same times I did.

Our son changed schools 4 times between 2nd and 8th grades and went to 3 different high schools.

We all have done quite well both my brother and I are executives and my son is doing great in the USAF. Your premise is flawed IMHO. We moved frequently and there was no catastrophic upheaval.

Mom abandoning her children 5 days a week for years, the kids being away from their father and under the care of BM's boy friend is commendable in your opinion? Really? :?

Not one person has mentioned

Not one person has mentioned the fact that the BF could get tired of dealing with the kids and decide to leave. What happens to those kids if that happens? I applaude any person who decides to continue his or her education, but why didn't the mother consider moving her kids with her while she was in school. Sure moving is tough, but kids need contact with their parents, not the parent's S/O. This is coming from a SM.

I absolutely applaud this BM

I absolutely applaud this BM for pursuing her education. I do not think abandoning her children with an unrelated boyfriend the right way to go about it. My own bride was a single teen mom full time college student. However she had SS with her through the whole process. The thought of abandoning her son to an unrelated boyfriend would never have even entered her mind much less been acceptable to her. Even for only a temporary period which in the case of college studies could be years.

Besides, since when do children (even teens) get to dictate or choose where they live? Parents make those decisions not children. Countless families move all of the time for any number of reasons with no significant adverse effects on anyone. Even families with teen children. Part of the issues our nation faces with declining education and work performance is due to parents abdicating their own adult responsibility to their children. Children do not raise themselves. Parents raise children. At least the good ones do.

Thanks for your input. I like the exposure to various philosophies.

Sincerely,

I can certainly understand

I can certainly understand the fathers concern. His kids staying with some man 5 out of 7 days a week. Do I understand the eldest is a girl? Even more to worry about.

Changing schools is to be avoided but its not over-riding all other concerns. I'd ask mother if the kids can't be moved to my home until mother is out of school. If she refuses I'd go to court as a "boyfriend" just doesn't have the commitment to the kids a parent would have.

Absolutely!

I am in no way slandering BM

I am in no way slandering BM for going back to school, heck when I was 36 I wish I had done that too. BUT not at the expense of the kids. She constantly tells us that everything she does is to better her children's lives. Well ok fine. What she is going to school for will take her until her 12 year old is a sophomore in high school. What about the other son? The one who is in high school right now? The one who is failing 2 classes? Or the 12 year old who is having hella issues fitting in at school. Who has no friends? Who is sad and doesn't understand why kids don't like him? What about RIGHT NOW? Who is there for them right now? Who is there for them so they can do a sports activity or who is there for ANY need they need in the NOW???? I like her boyfriend. I think he is a great guy. HOWEVER he is not their father. And leaving them to be raised by him 4 to 5 nights a week is BS. My DH loves his children and we do everything we can to have them as often as possible. It is hard for him to try to be a parent to them over the phone when they call us upset and their mother isn't home and well BF just doesn't understand. This woman states she moved 6 hours away to better her kids lives. So she could go to school. Ok fine again. BUT as we see it she isn't doing this for her kids. One has already graduated. One is a Sophomore and one is in 7th grade. She is attending school that takes her from the home 4 to 5 nights a week. She won't graduate from this program until the youngest is a sophomore. Tell me how is this benefiting these kids? It is benefiting her and her only. And hey more power to her for having the drive to go back to school and the determination to succeed. HOWEVER.......... at the cost of the kids in the RIGHT NOW? I am sorry but she is being selfish. IF she wanted to better HER life she should have waited until her children were grown. She could have gone to school closer to ALL her family and DH family so the kids had some sort of a support system OTHER than a BF. It is that simple! What she has chosen to go back to school for we have the best rated college that is 45 miles from DH. She chose to go 6 hours away because she is selfish.

Absolutely. She should

Absolutely. She should reduce her course load. She is being NEGLIGENT. Take custody and enjoy higher CS when she gets her degree. Win/Win

This is funny. His custodial

This is funny. His custodial time is one weekend a month, that puts the mother at 3 weekends a month. But he would get custody? The kids would be transferred midyear to a new town and a new school, to a parent with less than EOW schedule? The father who was parenting from a bigger distance than the mother is now, thinks that the mother can't parent from a distance?

It's really confusing how

It's really confusing how anyone can be abandoned for 5 days out of the week. What is that, serial abandonment? It's ridiculous, and not close to the legal standard.

The mother is closer to your stepchildren at 100 miles away than your DH at 6 hours away. Why don't you and your DH move closer to your stepchildren?

Can't the mother change her schedule for the next semester to have fewer days away?

You are here