Christmas & Ex Bio Families Question
SD who is 16 1/5 years old moved in with significant other 5 months ago approximately – IMO this was to stop my SO (her dad)& I living together. SD said she hated her mum and couldn’t live with her anymore!!!!! 
SD chose to live with him and is very dependent on him – he cannot breathe or move without her – it’s not healthy in my opinion but hey I’m only GF of 10 years!!!
SD has to go everywhere with him (see previous blogs if interested.
SD refuses to see her BM and BM doesn’t exactly make time for her either- begrudgingly she may go for tea once a week to BM’s house.
I asked SO what our plans were for Christmas and what was SD doing.
Well apparently she has decided to go to her BM’s on Christmas Eve and stay for Christmas – BUT she wants SO to go to BM’s house on Christmas morning and spend the morning with her / her brother (19 yrs old) and BM because this is their family tradition (Oh please) – I am of course not included in this and never have been.
I am fuming – SD cannot have her own way all the time FGS.
I informed him I don’t think this is the right thing to do – it is only going to make things worse with his daughter not being unable to move on.
I said his children are no longer small children they are young adults of 19 & 16 ½.
SO & BM divorced 12 years ago – they all play at being a bloody ‘fantasy’ family and drives me mad !!!
Is it me being unreasonable? Is it fair to ask him to stay with me Christmas morning as he sees SD every day and she has chosen to go to her mother’s - SD will never get over the bloody divorce!!!!
Thoughts would be helpful – please and thank you
Oh HELL NO! They're both
Oh HELL NO! They're both teenagers, they don't need both of their parents to celebrate Christmas with them like one big happy family! Is he truly considering going?
What have they done the past few years for the holiday?
^^^^YUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
^^^^YUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hello NoDoormat thanks for
Hello NoDoormat
thanks for your comments
I have - he shouldnt do it - they are young adults - they ALL need to get a grip and move on.
Sorry i hit a nerve :O
I seriously think he is
I seriously think he is thinking of going - he didnt even think it was a bit much when i pointed it out to him and i said he had to let them have their own sodding present opening get together - they are no longer a family unitthat ended over 12 years ago !!!!
He has always gone to Ex's house on Xmas morning - he usually stayed at mine Xmas Eve and he had to wait for a telephone call or txt from his daughter telling him they were up and waiting for him - he left my house and would spend 2-3 hours with them all.
I just dont think its healthy - she cannot do this this - she cannot control / run his /our lives - she bloody lives with him now !!!!!!
:sick:
OMG He's ALWAYS gone to his
OMG He's ALWAYS gone to his ex's home?? To celebrate the holiday as a FAMILY even though he's been divorced for TWELVE years? Am I reading that right?
When, my dear, are you going to put your foot down with him? This is bullshit and disrespectful to you as his SO... :jawdrop:
Yup - you read this
Yup - you read this right
Thats what he has done every year for the past 10 years and he wonders why his ex is like she is / why his daughter is why she is and why his son has gone to University and refuses to come visit them all - he has to come home at Xmas as Uni closes (he is the only one with a brain cell and i like him alot
)
My foot is going right down this year }:)Over my dead body is he going to spend Xmas morning playing at 'happy' families and sharing presents with them this year - if SD and ex dont like tough.
Thank you ladies - your are 100% right - it is Bull S*** and yes he is going to have to 'buck' his ideas up or i am off pretty sharpish.
Glad to hear you're standing
Glad to hear you're standing up to this. It's extremely disrespectful to you and I'm shocked you didn't jack him up over this a LONG time ago!
Hi RedWingsFan Thank you for
Hi RedWingsFan
Thank you for your post
Well, lostthewill... if
Well, lostthewill... if you've been "dating" this man for a DECADE and he has ALWAYS done this...you have no one to blame but yourself for being in this mess.
Either at some point you say, "This isn't ok with me. No more. Either you stop or I leave."
Or... you keep taking it/going along with it, pissing and moaning the whole way, knowing nothing will change.
I'm sure I'll get flamed, but gee, ladies...at SOME point we need to be responsible for our choices!!
(And I agree, it's ridiculous for him to be over there. But it was ridiculous ten years ago, too.)
Flamed??? Not by me. I'm
Flamed??? Not by me. I'm with you 100% on this one. I told OP the same thing when I found out it had always been happening. There's no fffing way I'd put up with that kind of disrespect and bullshit. No way.
Hello SF Yes i have only been
Hello SF
Yes i have only been 'dating' this man for a decade s you kindly point out.
Yes it has been my own choice for NOT wanting a blended family or to be a step mother to a very unhappy / spoilt little girl who has thrown temper tantrums for her whole 16 years. I disengaged for my own sanity.
Yes it was my choice not to live with Bull S*** from a BM who is so bitter and twisted and a prime example of a Golden Uterus' and entitlement.
I had my own daughter to think of / my own home / life / work.
I apologise to you for my 'pissing and moaning' as you kindly point out- correct me if i am wrong but i thought i was allowed to on this site :?
I wish i had a perfect life }:)
I just had my first "this
I just had my first "this sounds just like me" moment read what I've posted, my so DID go and is stAying there too my first holiday wo him a d any of the steps.
Hello dtzyblnd Thank you for
Hello dtzyblnd
Thank you for your comments - i agree - i am divorced too (18 yrs) and this has not / would not / never been an issue or discussed for my daughter - but then we moved on and had a good life together - no blended issues and no step issues with my ex husband.
^^^^^^^^I hear you
^^^^^^^^I hear you :O
OMG - I can't even imagine
OMG - I can't even imagine how your SO thinks this is okay.
Hello oldone - thanks for
Hello oldone - thanks for your post - i hope you are well
I can they all live in disney land }:)
They are a very dysfunctional family - and NOT my responsibility thank goodness
Hi sueu2 - Thank you for
Hi sueu2 - Thank you for taking the time to read and reply to my question
''I suspect there is a reason you have been his girlfriend for 10 whopping years. I question that you know what putting your foot down means and question more that you have the nerve to do it''
Yes there are numerous reasons why i have ''ONLY'' been a 'girlfriend' - i have replied to another poster re reasons below - see my reply to keekeedee
How old is SD's so? I know
How old is SD's so? I know this has nothing to do with this but I hope he's not a grown man.
I think your dh is wrong, because his doing this isn't helping his kids move on with their lives. I was a kid of divorce too. I'm grateful that my parents did separate holiday celebrations right from their divorce. It was hard on us all at first but I think it helped me to accept it and move on.
SD is 16 yrs and 8 months old
SD is 16 yrs and 8 months old !! My SO is 48 years old.
I agree with you he / she (ex) are bothg wrong - both the bio's are stuck in a time warp and ptetend life is a disney film - his ex has not dated anyone in 12 years because she is a catholic and took her marraige vows very seriously (yes she still says this) and her children come 1st - crazy *hit !!!
Sorry to hear you are from a divorced family - my parents seperated (never got round to a divorce) when i was 41 years old - they should have done it when i was 4 or 5 years old we would have all been happier i'm sure.
Thank you keekeedee for your
Thank you keekeedee for your understanding post.
Yes you are right there are reasons why I have as another poster said only been girlfriend' – been 'dating' for 10 years. Too long to go into but I had and still have a very difficult time with family - it was very overwhelming and was a family 'secret' for over 30 years - my family won't acknowledge it and have cut me off. So yes I suppose I have been a little co-dependent & have huge abandonment issues. I also did not want this affecting his children.
I have been only the ‘girlfriend’ for 10 years because I have worked very hard to have my own safe & peaceful home and provide a good life for my daughter and myself. My daughter is older she is 28 years old & has now got her own life and I am very proud of her. I did NOT want a blended family for her. I also did NOT want to be a step mother.
His 16 ½ year old daughter has always been an issue – she has ruled him / his ex-wife and his son and to an extent his extended family – this was NOT my doing or problem. So I suppose I protected my daughter and me from this dysfunction.
Believe it or not I have not really had an issue with him spending time on Xmas morning with his kids over the years especially when they were young. (Probably wrong but it didn’t affect me or upset me)
This year my patience has run out because of the situation I find myself am in now – and that is his daughter moving in with him because my house went up for sale in April this year and we were going to sell his as well and buy one together because his kids were growing up and should have their own life. This is what has pissed me off – our plans have gone down the swanny.
I have informed him over the years his situation with his ex-family is not healthy (as you did) – I have stated very clearly he and they all need to move on and they don’t live in a Disney film where they pretend everything is OK. But I am not his wife or live in partner – this was me / my decision and I didn’t want to be part of this crap – I was disengaged.
I am not into giving ultimatums – but this year things have changed for me – issues now get under my skin – I have lost it with him and I am seeing him in a new light – not a good one either.
I have said my piece to him re my issues with Xmas morning and the pretence – it is up to him now – I can and will stand up for myself. Thank you for your last couple of sentences:
‘You are worth it! Treat yourself the way you would want your daughter or best friend to treat themselves. Be your own best friend’.
It means a lot.
I was very ill (serious
I was very ill (serious medical issue not just a cold) last Christmas. We had a meal at my sister's home and then came home (1/2 mile away) and I went to back to bed.
DH picked up SS and they had a meal at our home while I was asleep. This was our first Christmas. I didnt' think much about it but now I am wondering if DH went to BM's house to get SS and how much time he spent there.
The whole DH/BM interface is a very SORE spot with me as he still loves her.
SS does not drive so DH picked him up somewhere. I guess I'd just assumed that it was at his apartment not at BM's home.
I will so be on the alert this year. Because I do not trust DH to ever be around BM. He loves her and she's a ho.
"The whole DH/BM interface is
"The whole DH/BM interface is a very SORE spot with me as he still loves her. "
:jawdrop:
He says he is not "in love"
He says he is not "in love" with her but that he loves her very much. He divorced BM and later married another woman for almost 15 years (that he also still loves very much).
Why did I marry him? Good question. I am in my late 60s and the pickings get slim.
All of my friends say that I am crazy to dwell on this as he obviously is very much "in love" with me. Neither ex wants him back permanently but I think both still revel in the fact that he still "loves" them.
I guess the answer to the question as to why I married a man who still loves two other women is that I am a pathetic fool.
I get that "pickings are
I get that "pickings are slim," but I would much rather live alone with my dignity intact that suffer like you.
Wow, I don't know if I could
Wow, I don't know if I could put up with this for 10 years but I respect how you feel and why you've done so. That daughter of his needs to realize that daddy has a new life now and she needs to adjust to it and respect that you are his mate now. Spending Xmas like it's one big happy family day is ridiculous, if he wanted to be one big happy family then your bf and bm should have stayed together. Put your foot down and make him respect you... if he's not willing to do so, there is always better out there. Don't allow this man to continue to walk all over you honey, you deserve better!