Birthday/Holiday
DHs birthday was yesterday. We got into a big blowup a couple days ago because he didn't get the kids for his bday since it fell on Thanksgiving. SO - he wanted to take them to dinner on Sunday to celebrate. This isn't his weekend with skids - which means that he'd have to ask BM for "permission" which then gives her ammunition to change things adhoc. SS10 is the only one who ever comes EOW anyways...
To me, I never understood the whole "getting the kids on your birthday". In a "first" family - what adults WANT to celebrate birthdays WITH the kids? No one... you get a babysitter and take the spouse out for dinner. But, suddenly in step families it's some bonus to get stuck with the kids on your birthday?! Wtf. Sounds like the worst gift ever, to me.
Anyways... When we were fighting about it, I said "I bet your daughters won't even call/text/facebook or acknowledge your birthday in any way anyways!" SooOOooo... Guess what happened? DH sent them a text in the morning saying "Happy Thanksgiving". No response. No Happy Birthday. Nothing. He never heard from them. They haven't visited in our home since the summer. He hasn't seen them since September when SD16 agreed to go out for ice cream so that she could get HER birthday gift.
I wanted SO badly to say: "I told you so!!". But, he was obviously very hurt. That just pissed me off even more. They see him as an ATM machine and don't care at all about his feelings. I really hope he cuts them off from all the extras now. Minimal Christmas gifts... no paying for trips, accessories, etc anymore. They don't appreciate it. They're SUCH brats.
I'm sorry you're dealing with
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Selfish people suck.
Just so you know, in my "first" and "second" family, I always celebrated with my kids.
You're probably right. I
You're probably right. I don't have kids... and the only experience I have is with selfish, entitled brats. When I think about it, I have many friends that enjoy celebrating with their kids. I actually used to spend every valentines day with my girlfriend and her 3 daughters, whom I absolutely adore.
I guess sometimes I get SO pissed at his kids, that I don't remember that SOME people actually have amazing kids who are enjoyable to be around. Spending a birthday with his kids is like punishment.
Teens rarely want to leave
Teens rarely want to leave their base of operations where all their friends are located.
When my oldest stopped communicating I simply did the same which included gifts and such and waited for him to grow up.
Unfortunately when he did reestablish communication I found a man I didn't like but at least I can say I didn't raise him. His step-father and mother can take that credit.
I'm going to assume you have no children or have custody of yours which explains your failure to understand why a person would use any excuse to spend time with non-custodial children.
I can believe that teens
I can believe that teens don't want to leave their custodial parent's home with friends/boyfriends, etc. However... they won't return calls, texts, emails, or anything. The only time they contact my DH is when they ask for money. This is something he's begun calling them out on. SD16 is getting somewhat "wiser" in that the day before - or hours before she asks for money, he'll get a text like "how are you?". DH and I joke that the bomb is about to drop any second... and without fail she explains something that she just "has" to have.
I am with you on that one! I
I am with you on that one! I would NEVER want or understand anyone wanting to spend time with anyone, including their own children if they were selfish ingrates as your DH's kids are.
I just celebrated my birthday on Wednesday and I always take that day off and so does my BF and we spend the day together until I pick up my son from school. This year my son had a half day so he was out of school at 11:30 and I admit I was bummed and kinda pissed because I had plans to go to lunch and see the new Twilight movie on my b-day with my BF.
I love my son and I am with him all the time as I am a full time mother but I will be the first one to say that ALL parents need and deserve a break from their children. Bios and skids alike. There is no shame in it and if my kid was a total asshat like so many of the skids out there then I for one would make sure I got a sitter or someone to take my kid for a little while so I could enjoy the one day a year that can and should be all about me.
I don't have kids. If I did I
I don't have kids. If I did I would WANT to celebrate at least part of my birthday with my kids. I do celebrate, by choice, with my skids on my birthday. My skids and I don't exactly get along well, but I also don't want them to feel left out. My birthday usually consists of all of us going to dinner as a family and then dropping the skids off with a baby sitter to go out. My DH WOULD NOT go a birthday without his kids. His ex however sees kids on her birthday as a punishment but then again she showed up high on meth to sign off her rights at a UPS store so..... I could see YOU not wanting them on YOUR birthday, but his birthday is about him and even though they are disrespectful little jackasses (as most teens are), of course he wants his kids to celebrate his birthday with him. I hope, as well, that he quits letting them use him as an ATM though. That is the only way that they will ever stop taking him for granted. They ought to be ashamed of themselves.
PS... My skids typically
PS... My skids typically treat me well on my birthday however. It is the one and only day of the year that they do, but they get attention for putting on that show. If they ruined my birthdays, yeah I would probably make sure that I didn't even hear their names on my birthday. I just read the comment above me and agree that he should not WANT to spend his birthday with them based on how they treat him. But, of course, he loves them and so every birthday is going to be the year that they grow up for him.
I think it's important for
I think it's important for kids to spend some time with their parents on their bdays because it's how they learn to care about other people's bdays. It's a natural way of showing kids how to be less self-centered. If they don't want to do something special for their own parent, how are they ever going to learn to do it for someone else!? Unfortunately many parents fail MISERABLY on this. Especially in divorce situations. My exbf is realizing as his kids are old enough to know bdays, that he has not raised them to give a shit about his. They are ALL about their own bdays, but don't even realize he HAS a bday, I don't think! They are 8, 9, and almost 13. The bm definitely doesn't help in that area...if it were up to her he would have supervised visitation because she would like nothing more than to punish him every.single.day. As a sm you feel torn between reminding the skid of the day, or letting the father see how he has failed when the skid has no clue. Because you know if you were to remind the skid of dh's bday, and the skid gets a present or a card, then dh would be all, "Isn't my kid wonderful?" Bleh
Good points! For me
Good points!
For me personally, I would much rather my BF see FIRST HAND what a selfish, ingrate, brat he has and realize that his kid isn't the little darling that he may have thought he was. I realize some dads will continue to keep their heads in the sand but these Disney/Guilty dads need to wake the fuck up already!
My BF was not one of those kinda dads persay but as a parent of course we all like to think that our kids are the best and they can pretty much do no wrong. I am NOT one of those parents and I definitely donn't want to be with or put up with a man that is!
I am sooo glad my BF sees his son for what/how he truly is! May sound harsh or evil but I don't really care. These skids get away with way too much and are barely ever held accountable and responsibile for the bullshit they cause and bring to the table. I know that BM is a POS and she has alot to do with it but skid is old enough (11) to know right from wrong and make his own decisions and choices as to how he treats his own father who has been there for him his whole fucking life, pays a shit ton of money to his mother for his care etc. and is involved in his life.
Just blows my damn mind!!!