Oh my god. Seriously man up and kick him in the balls. Yes mourning his father is acceptable but it doesn't need to take all day - especially 16 years later. How lame. If he doesn't do something nice for you he is an ass, and if you put a guilt trip on yourself for enjoying your birthday, well good luck to both of you!

Oh and happy birthday!!!

So how does Dh usually handle your birthday? I realize this is the first one since marriage, but what did DH2B and you do to celebrate your birthday last year? Did he do this 'I can't celebrate' thing then?

I do think it's a bit over the top that he can't celebrate a birthday 16yrs after the death of his father, but I don't think I'd tell him to just get over it. People mourn in their own ways. This will be 25 year anniversary of my father's death this year. While I'm aware of that, I can't say I pick any particular day to think about him and/or mourn his passing. Something will come up that reminds me of him and I'll smile at a memory flash and I do think of him , even after all these years. I regularly swing by the cemetery when I'm up in his area. But there's never (except for the first year) that I can remember not living my life as usual on any specific day. Is he perhaps using this to get out of celebrating? does he usually enjoy going out and having a few drinks and dinner with friends?

Would he have been willing to go out tonight or Sunday evening for a celebration of your birthday? Or is your birthday forever to be ignored because it happens to fall on a day with sad memories for him? If he's dodging celebrating, period, even on a different day I'd think it's more of an excuse he's giving you as to why he can't go out tomorrow.

Please don't allow his toxicity drag you down. He needs to deal with these issues and death is a part of life. If he chooses to mope all day, let him mope alone. You deserve to spend your Birthday doing as you please and celebrate with those who appreciate you and having you in their lives.

Have a Happy Birthday and many many more!

Ask him this... Do you think your father would want you to have a happy life or a sad life? Would he be proud of a man who will not celebrate his wife's birthday?

I get he misses his Dad and it will be a bittersweet day. But I bet his Dad would not want him neglecting his wife.

I remember my lost loved ones on their birthday, not on the random day on which they dies. I little sadness is understandable, putting the whole day on hold 16 years later is taking things too far. But it would be hard to pursuade him of that.

My grandmother died on my birthday many years ago, I can let that tarnish my birthday or I can look at it as my grandmother was born into heaven that day. Your husband has a right to be sad that his dad is no longer around but he has no right to ruin your special day.

I would not accept this. You have the right to have a 'happy birthday', With your husband!!

I call bullshit on this, sounds like an excuse to me.

My dad died a little over a year ago and I am still very sad, but we do celebrate birthdays for crissake!