I just had a major mental breakthrough
In another post, a couple of you posted that if your DH has "extreme hate" for BM, it indicates that he has some sort of passion/feelings for her still.
I constantly get angry with DH because he doesn't HATE her the way I do! I am constantly irritated that when I call her names, flip out over her antics, he just sheepishly smiles and says "I'm sorry she makes you so mad, baby. THAT is why I left her. She will never change". It's like he doesn't care!
THAT is just it! HE DOESN'T CARE! He doesn't hate her, love her, or have ANY feelings toward her. He is as much forced to deal with the crazy B as I am... he's just learned to accept that she's a crazy B.
Wow. I should be more thankful for the little things. I think I just fell a little more in love with my DH over this realization. Hmm... 
Good way to view this. I'm
Good way to view this.
I'm also starting to think that my exBF felt that way about his BM when we were together. He did have an intense hate for her. He claimed it was because of all the things she did to him.
And I'm starting to wonder if that is why he cared so much that she was sleeping around with a bunch of different men? He claimed it was because he didn't want his son to be around a bunch of strange men all the time.
Interesting... DH knew that
Interesting...
DH knew that BM was sleeping around and didn't (and still doesn't) care. He says it didn't matter to him because he had no intension of spending the rest of his life with her anyway. He married her because it was the "right thing to do". **SHRUG** so what was divorcing her then? I don't get it, but it truly does not seem to bother him that she was the town whore. He used to get embarassed that he is the fool that ended up knocking her up (he wasn't the only one, the others (4) encouraged her abort). Now it has been so long, he just cares what happens with SS.
"DH knew that BM was sleeping
"DH knew that BM was sleeping around and didn't (and still doesn't) care."
Hmmmmm, very interesting indeed.
So glad I'm not with him anymore.
Seriously, at first I didn't
Seriously, at first I didn't understand how it didn't make him HATE her... how DARE she embarass him like that... but the longer I am with him the more it would bother me if he DID let it bother him. That means that he still had some sort of feelngs for her, even hate takes effort. He just doesn't give a rats ass... NOTHING... no feelngs.
I am sure quite a few of the
I am sure quite a few of the DH/SO's HATE their ex's but they dont express it the way we do or would. I used to question SO and whether he had feelings about BM, but he swears its all hate. He and I show our hate differently. I am mean, vicious and vengeful, but he will blow up on her, rip her a new one and then be done. He doesnt dwell on it as long as I do. We just show our feelings differently, is all.
It took me a while to come to
It took me a while to come to that. He just doesn't care because he doesn't care at all about her. So now I do my hating to my friends because they'll join in on bashing her. }:)
Isn't indifference nice! DH
Isn't indifference nice! DH doesn't HATE BM. He doesn't ANYTHING her. And I prefer it that way. I don't HATE her either. I don't ANYTHING her. She is not important enough to me to have any kind of feelings that take effort.
Isn't there a saying that the
Isn't there a saying that the opposite of love isn't hate; the opposite of love is indifference?
Logically I know that when I allow myself to get all worked up about BM, she is taking up space in my brain, and she 'wins'. But I just can't help myself a lot of the time.
I also sometimes feel like SO should be more visibly bothered by BM. I think he's more resigned to her after having dealt with her for so many years.
My BF can't stand his XW AT
My BF can't stand his XW AT ALL....he doesnt even want to deal with her! I am the one who texts her and deals with her (she thinks it's him lol) he doesnt ever want to talk to her or anything....he wishes she would, well you know.... }:)
If he wasnt like that THEN I would definitely worry!!!
The.Girlfriend I oove that
The.Girlfriend I oove that your SO responded like that! LMAO!! stupid cow, why would she think he would care, she should be hiding that eye so SO doesnt take the kid away from her! BM's are SOOOOOO dumb!
I like this post and its a very good realization, that I did not have. But your right, the less angry he is it shows he does not give a fuck.DH never mentions her,he doesnt care about her one bit and even if the kids (rarely) say anything positive about her, hes like 'thats nice', shuts it down real quick. I used to go physco over the BS she would pull, how she thought she could speak to him in front of the girls and he would not respond, whilst I was goping mental, then I realised that he would call her afterwards and rip her a new one and then he would be done. he would not seethe or dwell on it, but he sure as hell would put her in her place.
I think men and woman show their emotions different. we would kill viciously for our family whilst men would do it silently.
SO should train and treat BM like dogs as they act like them. We as their SO, should keep the dirty dog out of our house.
LOL!!
LOL!!