Do not justify.

Simply answer with
"That question is inappropriate."

If she asks what inappropriate means, hand her a dictionary.

"That's none of your business" every time she asks anything that #1 none of her business, #2 inappropriate, #3 obsessive attention seeking questions. I use it with a 5 and 6 year olds who love to follow my kids and I around asking "what are you doing?" (cooking, cleaning, reading, on the computer, getting dressed, in the bathroom etc) over and over and over just because and they aren't stupid just annoying or nosy the amount of times I've had to say it when they are here has dropped dramatically.

Not good, but I have to say, if he was my ex and he couldn't get a lock for the door, my son would not be visiting. Believe me I know it's difficult, heck, we lived in a rental for 5 mos without a darn door on our bedroom! We just did without...simple, huh? I know...not everyone is like my husband and I, but although I think it's inappropiate for her to be asking such questions, I think it's also innappropiate if you don't have a lock on your door to be sleeping naked or doing anything at all...I can't see how hard getting a door would be. But again, my son would not be spending a single minute of the day with his father if he couldn't lock his bedroom door.

If your door doesn't shut properly, get it fixed. Until you get it fixed, have sex in the bathroom or in another room where the door does shut properly...& lock.

It's healthy for the kids to see some affection...hand-holding, hugs, quick kisses. I don't think that's wrong & it shows them what's invovled in a healthy relationship.

They should not be exposed to your sex life...any of it. By not closing (properly) your door you are allowing them to be exposed to that. They should not know you sleep naked in bed. They have no business coming into your room in the morning, & if you had a lock on your door, they wouldn't.

My guess is that they were not exposed to seeing mommy & daddy having sex & sleeping naked the way they see you & daddy, so my guess is that THAT is why she asks questions.

Her questions aren't to be protective of daddy. They are intrusive inappropriate questions that are none of her business & she needs to be told so. Of course, she's asking inappropriate questions about inapporpriate things she's seen, so you can hardly blame her. Even with that, it needs to be clear that what happens in the bedroom is private, & YOU & YOUR BF need to keep it so.

I agree with herewegoagain-

if you know that SD has this fixation, and you know that they get up at night to "peak" around the door at night to watch you...... Why on earth have you not gotten a latch for your door?

If you know they come into the bedroom to coddle with daddy at all hours of the night/morning....... Why do you continue to sleep naked?

If SD is noticing that your shirt is being changed midday, that implies that you are having sex midday while the kids are home in a room that the door doesn't close..... Why?

You know her 13 yr old friends are discussing innappropiate things with her...... Why is she still allowed to be around those girls?

Get a dang lock for your door ( a hook and eye-bolt latch is $2 at the hardware store for christened sake), and firmly tell this kid its kind of her business... If she continues send her to her room.

WTF??? Why does his 10-year old daughter know what boxers he's wearing...ever??? Does he not wear pants when she's around?

If the girl is THAT observant, why does dad continue to walk around in just boxers?

Dad is either clueless or he's about to set you up to be the evil SM. Instead of dealing with the issues, he's turning his head and allowing you to deal with them.

Once you start addressing the issues (changing the rules that have been in place since mom died) you will become the bad guy.

I have kind of a different take. I think that sex is natural, it's natural for children to be curious about it, and I wouldn't see her asking about it as a problem. I would answer very matter of factly, yes, your father and I enjoy having sex. Grown people who love each other usually do. Or, I might even simply not answer the question, and say, "why do you ask?" and see what she says.... sometimes, they have a good question, or are wondering something.... my daughter asked me a weird question once, and when I said "why do you ask?" I found out it was because one of her classmates had told her about nosing through her parents bureau and finding a dildo..... or if she's asking you in order to shame or embarass you, that's inappropriate, but if you respond as if you're not ashamed or embarrassed, she'll stop. After all, you shouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed- sex is perfectly natural and healthy, and part of adult relationships.

But, that's because I don't see sex as a taboo thing.

If it bothers you, then by all means, tell her it's inappropriate, and that your private life is off limits for discussion. But, if you're going to make it taboo, then keep it private.... don't do things that make it obvious. Don't be naked in bed, or at least put a lock on the door so she doesn't see you naked. Don't have sex in the middle of the day when the kids are home and awake. Don't allow her to hang out with older kids who are encouraging her fascination with sex, and don't allow her to watch movies with sexual content. Tell her that a person's sex life is private, and it is inappropriate of her to ask questions about it. Then, send her to her room when she does it.

When I was little and tried to peak around the door, my dad whooped me. I would try putting something in front of your bedroom door, so it knocks over when someone tries to peak or the door just will not move at all. The dad needs to talk to his children and say they cannot come walking into your room whenever they want and if they do, they will be punished.

People aren't attacking her. She hasn't done anything wrong.

The BF is the problem. He allows the MIL to talk shit about the OP. He allowed MIL to toss her bra out. He keeps telling the OP all the negative things the MIL says. He didn't fix the door prior to having the OP stay over. He hasn't put his MIL or his daughter in their place.

The OP isn't the problem.

I can't even muster a lot of enthusiasm for this thread other than-

The door needs to be closed, at the very least, and the kid needs to knock.

The kid needs to be told to stop snooping around.

I think that covers it.

I don't get why this has descended into who's house is who's, who is wearing boxer shorts when, presumed nakedness, dogs and cats falling from the sky, and whatever else people want to interject in there.

I agree with MichelleA. I think you guys have completely gotten off-topic and aren't even addressing the issue.

1) Kids do ask inappropriate questions. They are kids. It's what they do. It doesn't mean the adults are EXPOSING them anything. If the daughter is hanging with kids a little older, sex is definitely going to be a topic of discussion.

2) At some point in your life, your kids may actually catch you having sex. It happens to alot of people. Even if there's a lock on your door, there might be a time you forget to lock it. Kids have been catching their parents having sex since the beginning of time and guess what, the kids don't turn out to be mentally scarred adults. Not EVER having sex when kids come over may work for some, but doesn't work for most. To each their own.

3) The boyfriend wearing boxers in THEIR bedroom isn't really a big deal. Some of you need to get over yourselves.

The best way to answer it is just like SASX said. "That question is inappropriate".

Michelle, I would simply say "nunya". When she asks what that means, say It means nunya business! On another point, the girls do need boundries, of course, but maybe as a woman in thier lives you could gently begin to teach them about being young ladies. My girls laugh everytime I say "that's not ladylike", it's a joke w/ them, but they DO get the message! Something along the lines of " nice young ladies don't ask questions like that, and I KNOW you're a nice young lady"! Good luck!