Am I in the wrong here???
My BF and I have his D8 full time except every other weekend. His ex calls him constantly about her personal business-especially on weekends when she has the kid and we don't. He used to talk with her on a daily basis about her life, and when I looked at the phone bill, I saw that he was initiating much of the contact. I got on him about it and he stopped, but she continues to call him when she should be leaving us alone. Even when we are on weekend getaways and such, she'll call about trivial crap that can either wait until he picks up his kid, or isn't anything we need to know about anyhow. I've had my fill of her calls and texting interrupting our little time that we have without his daughter.
Today the idiot called to tell him about a job interview she's going on. WTF do we care? But he talked to her politely about it and told her to let him know how it goes. I was really mad about her call but he thinks I'm being unreasonable and I should just "relax". This relationship already is in enough trouble without that crap.
Am I wrong to be upset about this ongoing issue? Does your SO keep in close contact with the ex about stuff not relevent to the kids? He's ready to leave, and I'm ready to help him pack!
IMHO- your SO is not finished
IMHO- your SO is not finished with his previous relationship with the BM and it looks like as much as he wants to move on with his life- he cannot. It seems to be that he wants to have his new partner (you)fit into the way his life has been and not rock the boat and not forging a new way of life with you.
You know that book/movie "He's just not that into you"- read/watch it. This man that you are with is asking you to be along for HIS ride and not wanting to share the roadtrip of life with YOU as HIS PARTNER.
NO, you are not wrong- there is a new person in his life-you and he needs to show YOU respect by backing away fom any previously enjoyed relationship with the ex, with the exception of exchanges about the child.
You seriously need to sit and think about how many other situations you will take a backseat to with this man. Decide for yourself whether this is something you can live with, and have your own boundaries. If he chooses to continue to have this relationship with the ex and you cannot live with it, you may need to leave the relationship. Do not bend all your boundaries to what seems to be a man who is not ready for a partnership WITH YOU.
Thank you-I'm feeling
Thank you-I'm feeling validated that I'm not mad other nothing. He thinks I'm just ridiculous and that I need to chill on the whole thing. I sent her a text this morning and told her to stop calling him on our weekends alone. He was livid about it and called her to warn her about my text and told her to not respond. He left the house and I see on the phone bill that he has talked to her 4 times in the past few hours! I can't tell you how furious I am that they are in contact about me! He claims he can't stand her and I'm the love of his life. I am so through with this mess!
"I am so through with this
"I am so through with this mess!"
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I would be also. Period. That is ridiculous that he has been in contact with her...especially about you. Walk away from him, he is not worth your heartache. My DH is and always has been respectful of my feelings about contacting the ex, ex-inlaws, ect. Just as posted above, he would rather be staked out over an ant bed with honey poured over him than to have contact with his ex.
Wait, he warned herand told
Wait, he warned herand told her not to respond???!!!!
Those are cheater moves!
He's still involved with her. Put him out.
Agree with the above! HE IS
Agree with the above!
HE IS NOT LOYAL TO YOU-HE IS LOYAL TO HER. SHE IS THE OTHER WOMAN.
I read you other posts...RUN
I read you other posts...RUN LIKE HELL from this man. Damn...you are raising BM's child fulltime and both of them want to carry on like they are dating or something, wow! They both want a built in mommy out of you, then to be able to act like you are the one who is out of line...man, they both have balls. I would be out of this situation so fast both their heads would be spinning.
Oh, yes, we are done. We
Oh, yes, we are done. We have fought more than once about this issue. Even on romantic get aways we have fought because she'd call and text about nothing, and also text endless pictures of "their" daughter. And he says she's too stupid to stop, but he's the one who lets her keep doing it while telling me I need to relax about it. I have always felt it was disrespectful to me. Thank you ladies for your insight. He's a good person but has never maintained a long relationship. He isn't relationship material no matter how hard he tried this time.
No, he definitely does not
No, he definitely does not seem like relationship material. I don't care how nice a man is, if he has no respect for me then I am done.
I would text him and BM and let them know they must find a new nanny for their child- you quit.
I think if you have told him
I think if you have told him that this is a dicy area for you, and how it makes you feel, and he continues to have no respect for you or your relationship its time to leave. Have some self-respect and know you are worth more. I will not share my DH with ANYONE, and if I found out he was coddling BM like your SO is... well, there would be no more us. If they want a relationship, fine, she can take his ass right back. Sorry you are going through this, but don't expect SO to suddenly start respecting how you feel.
This man has problems with
This man has problems with boundaries! I sense that these problems will just get worse because he refuses set boundaries. She is too invested in her life and he is too invested in hers. Next he will be asking if she can come along on a camping trip so you can be one big happy family. Sorry, but it's F'ed up! No man is worth the step mom drama in the first place let alone this crap! Leave while you can and don't look back! No man is worth it! There are more fish in the sea.
Problem is not that she calls
Problem is not that she calls or texts. It's that he loves it and enjoys it way more than you. Bet she gets more sex than you too.
Even dating a married man (bad bad thing) would be better than this sicko piece of crap.
sorry beenthere, but A) you
sorry beenthere, but A) you should not have texted her it only showed her she is getting to you. That being said I fully understand how frustrated you must have been to do it.
He is the problem, not her. He has committed himself to a relationship with you not her, He is supposed to listen to your needs and be faithfuly to you, not her, and He is supposed to not be talking and texting another woman on a regular basis all be it his ex unless it is regarding the child - Not Her. Why text HER when the real problem is living in your own home.
I cannot believe that he actually called her not once but 4 times, and on at least one of those occassions, told her not to respond. Translated that says to her, he does not care what you think about this situation, he will call and text you as much as he likes, and she in his mind is also free to call and text him as much as she likes. In doing this he has shown complete disregard for your feelings, he has completely disrespected you, and he has made a complete fool of you to her.
So, why do you want to be there.
I am done, done, done with
I am done, done, done with this relationship. Never ever again dating a man with kids. Or an ex still so active in his life. Guilty daddys are the pits!!! And, at 54, I'm not going to play second fiddle to an 8 year old princess or a 27 year old BM. Done with this 50 year old mid-life crisis fool. Lesson learned!
He's 50 and she is 27, now I
He's 50 and she is 27, now I get it. She really is an ego builder for him isn't she. She will play him like a fiddle and he will gladly go along with it because she makes him feel like a man......okay now we all see him as a fool but that is not what he sees right now. Let him wallow in his own mess. You are right at 54 she is young enough to be your daughter, why should you play second fiddle to a child, or anyone for that matter. Two young women in his life, one 8 and one 28 are two young women too many coming before you.
I am still shocked that he rang her and told her not to respond to you. I would have shoved the phone down his throat for that one.....in tiny pieces. Good luck, you deserve better than this crap.
I have to say I like the OP idea of sending him a text telling him to get another nanny, (cook and housekeeper) you quit. I wouldn't bother sending her one though, none of this is her fault, he encouraged her and let it happen, and I would not give her the satisfaction anyway.
You probably should've
You probably should've figured out he was not relationship material before you moved in together. Why do that to a kid?
To my.kids.mom--I feel
To my.kids.mom--I feel horrible that a child is involved. I wanted our relationship to move more slowly because of that, but he felt everything would be perfect if he moved in. I even told him he could wait till the end of the school year to move, but he wants to do it now. She'll be going back to her old school so she'll be ok. Although her and I have a good relationship, she has always been jealous of any attention he shows me so I know she'll be just fine. if it can't last for the next 10 years, we should cut our losses now before any more damage is done.
He's looking for a place and will be out by end of Feb. He told me today the whole thing was avoidable, if only I would chill about the EX calling. Geesh, he still doesn't get it!!! :O
OH, it's your fault is it,
OH, it's your fault is it, how surprising is that. Nothing to do with her or him, just your fault. Yeah he gets it, it's all your fault. I hope he finds a place long before the end of Feb. But in the meantime, please, get some respect before he goes, no more texting back and forth in YOUR home. He will probably think it is okay now because he is leaving, stuff that. If he wants to text back and forth and make and receive calls, at will, then he should do it in his own place not yours.
I truly am sorry this has happened to you, and I applaud your courage in ending this, you should be very proud of yourself. This guy needs to grow up. The Karma bus is coming for him soon, and it will be driven by a 28 year old woman. Just as soon as she finds a younger guy with a good paying job.
He looses u gain, what a
He looses u gain, what a total idiot who the hell does he think he is. To be honest i think he does no what a fool he has been but he wont be able to turn it around she wont take him back and to be honest dont think he wants her just the conection with a younger woman well u hold your head up and u will end up being top trumps on this please dont judge all men by the way he was as i do believe there are honest men out there with kids just a down fall that he wasent mr rite im sure u will find mr rite and then u will be thankfull that u did not make a misstake with this bloke good luck its hard yes but im sure u will be ok not so sure about him though xx