He only needs his kid to be happy.

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My BF and his D8 have lived with me for 9 months now and it's not going so well. He's been a single dad for years and that's all he really defines himself as. He's a good person but really struggles to be a BF except every other weekend when D8 goes to her moms. I find myself becoming increasingly jealous and resentful. Today it just occurred to me that when we put his D8 to bed, the two of them kiss good night on the lips. This doesn't bother me, but I don't get a good night kiss from him at all! And when he's up early to go to work, he gives me a quick peck on the forehead. We've talked about our issues a lot and he recently suggested they move out, but he wants to see me on the weekends D8 is at her moms! He just can't do daddy and BF at the same time.

For the record, we are in our 50's and have raised families already. Seems he should be mature enough to handle this. Is it as hopeless as it looks? 6rPZ

My husband of 2 yrs uses the

My husband of 2 yrs uses the same excuse. Men do think compartment ally but I also think its an excuse to do what they want & not have to be a father & husband. Half the time they're here he's doing chores (that he wants to do), watch football & work (which he enjoys).

set him free. And lets see

set him free. And lets see how it all works out for him.

I am coming from a similar

I am coming from a similar place to you - in my 50's with two adult daughters - DH has two teenage daughters from his first marriage. This may not be mentioned by anyone else, but I think there may be a factor at play which does not get enough acknowledgement for mature SM's - namely that our "lifestage" does not mesh too well with having young stepkids.

Admittedly your BF has issues too - it sounds as though the years of being a single father have made him overly close with his young daughter, and maybe the emotional bond between them is a little too enmeshed.

However, I know I feel a bit impatient (if I'm honest a lot impatient) with having to go through the same issues I was doing 15 or 20 years ago. On top of that, my SDs are MUCH more diffiult and hard work than my bio daughters ever were. Even my DH willingly admits they are difficult. I have a baby grandson, and frankly I would much rather be spending time with him than my very high maintenance SDs.

Kes, How true this line

Kes, How true this line is.....and I think this happens to us all way too much than we are willing to discuss:

My DH's golden child stayed to live in his home whilst the 2nd ball dropping went to live with the mom after the divorce.....I think their relationship became too dependant on each other in a odd emotional way.....

then comes me...and the golden child gets all pissed off cos his father talks with me and not him as much

I also may have became too dependant with my 3rd bio child as he would do things like change all the light bulbs in the house where I lived as a single women....so maybe he is relieved or jealous over my new dh...

very interesting....and possibly the cause of bad dynamics in the new blended step family....

I'm having the same issues

I'm having the same issues and I can say without a doubt this is not about the child taking the wife role in the man's life. My bf hasn't been a single dad that long, he only has eow visitation + one day in the week, and his girls are incapable of making any decisions outside of what the bm or dad tell them to make. The problem is more that they can't (or won't) focus on giving attention to both at the same time. Perhaps it's a subconscious choice that they have to prove to themselves and their girls that the girls come first, are more important, etc...whatever. But it happens. It has negatively affected my own daughter, and since I see it and feel it and see the affect on her and how it makes me feel...I did have my bf stop staying at our house. He still does some, but nothing like before. If you don't like the way it makes you feel, why not look at him moving as a positive thing for your relationship? I have found that living separately is WAY better for keeping things fresh. As a matter of fact, couples who marry sometimes live apart! Look up "living apart together." The thing is, I don't think telling him how to behave is going to change much. Do you?

Sure - you can live apart and

Sure - you can live apart and he can be your BF every other weekend. So long as he has absolutely NO say about how you spend the rest of your time...... }:)

Sure - you can live apart and

Sure - you can live apart and he can be your BF every other weekend. So long as he has absolutely NO say about how you spend the rest of your time...... }:)

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