I love my skids. I loved my skids before I loved my husband. But, kids are kids. My skids piss me off just like my biokids do. I come here mostly to vent about BM.

I agree, when you decide to get involved with a man who has children, those kids were there first, they are a part of him, and no REAL man is going to shit on his kids for some woman. A woman is replaceable, the kids are not. It's got to be a partnership, not a competition.

At the same time, there are those who allow their children to dictate their adult relationship, and those who give their children adult-status. You can be in love with a man, and hate the way he parents.

And it sucks when you finally realize you're not going to change him. You've either got to leave him, or understand that kids aren't kids forever and they will, one day, be on their own.... and if your relationship can survive raising skids, you will one day have your free time with the man you love. So if you're in it for the long haul, you might as well suck it up and help him out whenever and however possible.

Glad your Skid is good cause mine sure ain't... we've tried everything and even DH doesn't know where the attitude and hate comes from on SS's part... it's not that I hate him, it's that he hates me and also his SD with his BM... There are a lucky few whose skids have been raised right but for the most part of us the dads are guilty parenting with the bs of "oh poor xxxx he/she has been through so much with the divorce, bless it's heart" EXCUSE me I was a Skid, and I have never acted like my SS does to me.. my parents would have beat the hell out of me if I even thought about acting the way my SS does... Dh is with me on every page except he does not spank, he yells for 2 hours at SS7 for acting the way he does.

My DH does put me first and he has told SS that I will come first and what I say goes.. he even told SS the reason was because in 10 years when he is dating or whatever then dad will be alone if he doesn't keep me happy, and asked him if he wanted that for dad? It didn't matter if SS loved me or even liked me cause he loves me and I will be there when SS is grown with a family of his own...

The blame does lie on the parent.. I love my husband but I could care less about his kid and he knows it.

Same here- I love my SDs very much. I come here to ask for advice in general and to vent about BM. I also try to give others advice based on what improved the situation for DH, the girls and myself.

I also agree that I'd never $hit on my kids for a man. I don't have kids, but I think this is the way any sane person feels.

By the same token, I won't tolerate my kids treating my adult partner like $hit. They may not like said partner. They might feel as though they hate him. That's fine. However, it'll be a cold day in he11 before I would tolerate my kids disrespecting any adult. I would get my children counseling, spend one on one time with each of them, and go on weekly dates with my partner. Nobody should feel neglected. Everyone should feel important. There's a way to build a strong marriage while still being a loving parent to your kids. There's also ways to be close with your kids while still maintaining a healthy child/adult boundary.

Wait until your SS is older. You'll be eating your words. Some people are harsh, yes...but we didn't start out like this. The protective sheath over our nerves has worn thin over the years. It's about lack of control, lack of power, lack of money, lack of respect, lack of patience, lack of tolerance. For your sake, I hope you never lack these things...but some of us do.

Being half of a blended family, I get to see the situation from both sides.

I see Hubby's relationship with my kids, and my relationship with his. The difference between the two is quite obvious.

I DEMAND that my kids respect him. My kids are not angels by any means. Teen mothers, cigarette smokers, a little bit wild, BUT they give Hubby 100% respect at all times. If they didn't, I would bust their little asses.

His DD15 loves me, loves my girls, (sometimes tries to be like them, which is kinda funny)and helps with the grandbabies a lot.

However, all bets are off with Miss Snitchy. She hates me, hates my girls, hates the grandbabies, and even hates her own sister. She doesn't want ANYBODY near her daddy. She whines, screams, pouts, slams, tattles, lies, refuses to be a part of anything that we do as a family.

Hubby works 60 plus hours a week, and every minute he is gone, she is a tyrant. She even calls him at work(he is a COP, for god's sake, his work is dangerous!) and tattles on everybody for "being mean to her". COME ON! All we want is to live our lives! We want to be a family!

She got rid of us once, I left for four months, and lo and behold, the whole time we were gone, she was pulling the same shit with her sister! "Daddy, she's mean to me, she bosses me around, she spreads rumors about me at school, etc,"

Thank God it made him see that the problem wasn't US, it was HER.

With all of that going on, HOW can I like her? How can I love her? She has made it clear that she wants me gone!

I love him enough to accept the fact that he has a troubled child who will never accept me, and I let him be her parent, while the rest of us go on being a big, happy family.

"Maybe if there was more bonding going on between all these step parents and step kids, the kids would behave better."

In an ideal world, you are correct. But what about those situations where the SK REFUSES the "bonding"? How about a world where you, as a SM, have done everything you possibly can to bring this new family together, only to be treated as NOTHING when the SK's are around? They aren't rude of mouth, they're rude of behavior. I can't make them like me, and quite frankly I'm tired of trying. They're almost adults, and I've been in their lives since they were 9. Do you think it's going to change? Doubtful. I ask myself every day if there was something I SHOULD have done differently... but then I think, you know I can't carry this burden all on my shoulders. Respect is a TWO WAY street. With that being said, I think looking in the mirror as you suggested will only solve HALF the problem.

"But maybe if some people took a step back and actually realized that a tiny persons life was uprooted when their parents split up, there are different rules at different houses, and they have to live two seperate lives, they'd realize that yeah sometimes we have to give a little. It doesn't mean the skid is a brat. It means that we are the adults, and we need to be good examples."

There are LOTS of things in this world that will uproot a child's life. My children's father passed away when they were 3 and 5. If this isn't devastating, I don't know what is to a child. To know they will never have their father see them grow up, see my son's sporting events, see them make honor roll, walk my daughter down the aisle? And all the while knowing the "father figure" in their life is a good guy, but will always have much stronger allegiances to his own children.

However, I have taught my children from the very beginning that life sucks sometimes, and it's all in how we deal with it. I have REFUSED to allow them to use their circumstance as a crutch for bad behavior. THAT is the example I set for my children, and will continue to do so.

I truly believe that we all choose our behaviors. Even small children do. And all behaviors, whether positive or negative are also reinforced either positively or negatively. If a child is allowed to act rudely, entitled, and given adult-status, then the child is going to run with that concept, believing s/he has every right in the world to call the shots. But my feelings are this: kids, especially older ones (like my SK's, who are mid-teens) know exactly what they are doing when they act the way they do towards me. They delight in trying to pit their father and I against each other, and then try to get their mom involved just for good measure.

Would I sing SK's praises to the world? Nope. And that's maybe because in the many years I've been in their lives they've done nothing to show me they even acknowledge my existance. I feel sorry for them though, because they are close to adulthood, and I have to wonder how successful they will (or will not) be in the future because they act the way they do. But hey -- I'm just the stepmom. It was made very clear to me from the beginning that I was not to have any emotional contribution in raising another woman's children even though it's expected that I financially contribute to their upbringing. So your statement that "parenting is a team" may be correct on the surface, but in many step cases is totally off the mark from reality.

Until you experience some of the absolutely horrible situations discussed here (and my issues are no where NEAR what some of the stepparents on this site have endured), I do not believe the simple statements of "be the adult", "Look in the mirror" and "Parenting is a team" hold water. Sorry if I pissed you off, but obviously you are in a completely different place than many on this board.

deleting duplicate post

Boyfriend of a year and 7yr old son...so your boyfriend is custodial...hmmm...let's see...wait about 3 years, then remember that you are with the boy the majority of the time vs. eow, which means you and your boyfriend can mold the kid most of the time vs. some other vindictive witch putting things into their little brains for 12days straight and then you try to UNDO it in 2 days...sure...and then they become teens and then the teen calls your boyfriend an AHOLE, a PATHETIC F#$%#$% LOSER because your boyfriend won't give him extra money to go sc#$%#$5w his new girlfriend...and then you see your boyfriend's heart broken because you could see how much he did for this kid growing up who now calls him a F#$%#$%ing loser and stops contact with him unless your boyfriend gives in to the constant demands for money...and then, only then, you can question why some people here hate their skids...

"Living with my boyfriend of a year and his 7 year old son."

That says it all. You have only seen the "rosey" side so far. Call me in the next 3-5 years. I'm sure you'll have a NEW INTEREST in this site and not just to tell everyone how wrong they are for feeling animosity for the children who are allowed to give their dad and stepmom an "IN YOUR FACE F-ER!"

I love my SKids more than they will ever know, or deserve! SD has already done some introspection and is coming out of her 'phase' LOL. SS is still in his for another couple of years. Once the temporal lobe develops there are huge changes in teenagers.
I know we will look back and chuckle about some of the 'escapades' with SD in time. She's been in a secure juvenile detention center for almost a year now and she will be released soon. She wants back into university and her own place, she made 18 last fall and she's a smart girl. She's still a sociopath, however she's learned new behaviors like how to catch more flies with honey! If anything she's MORE manipulative, think SIREN, and she'll always do OK somehow.

There's a lot of love/hate in a step-relationship. I've found being a stepfather to be pretty awesome on occasion. Lately though, I'm exhausted. My SS14 has screamed at me that he hates me, told his mom that he's been trying to split us up for years, constantly manipulates me to get me to lose my temper, intentionally forgets to do things he's been asked politely to take care of, treats my biological son (9) like an annoyance/unwelcome guest, and is generally just a little A-hole most of the time. I'm really at the point where, though I love my wife, I'd really like to live in a household that didn't include him and his crazy behavior. And the description of his behavior that I just typed out is being pretty nice about it.

This is a "venting" site, not a "non-venting" site after all.

Maybe you could suggest that one of the sections here be for those stepparents who get along fine with their skids.

It would be nice to see that there are actually nice skids.

Venting here helps us relieve some of the pressure.

There are two kinds of venting though, constructive and destructive. The constructive is where you are blowing off steam, then working for a solution to the issues. The destructive venting is where you vent, and instead of it helping you clear your head and be open to finding solutions, it just makes you more and more bitter and resentful.

It helps me to vent here so that I can purge the stress and frustration, then I am more able to look for constructive solutions without the emotions getting in the way.

There is a value to venting - even if you don't understand it yet.
Read and learn, because as others have said, you may find yourself in our place someday.

I have no problems with my two SSs. I'm not sure I can exactly say that I love them. They get on my nerves quite frequently, but I don't have issues with them typically, but I only see them every other weekend.

On the other hand, with SD15, DH didn't even tell me about her until months after we started dating. She's an unfortunately mistake he made as a teenager and he was barely involved in her life. He saw her 1-2 times a year and she lived with her grandmother over 1000 miles away. She was very much out of sight, out of mind. I never thought I would even have to deal with her and I only met her once before we got married.

Had I even known she would end up living with us and making our lives a living hell, I would have thought twice about getting married.

I have no desire to bond with my stepkids. I fell in love with my DH and he has baggage. I feel no obligation to have any sort of role in their lives.

and your point in posting this is? if your life is so grand, why the hell are you on this board? go enjoy your stepson, make cookies with him, spend time alone with him (ummm.. ew)

Wow... I remember thinking just like her the first 6 months of my relationship. BM is crazy, he's going to grow up to love us, I should do everything for him because people ALWAYS return love and kindness and it will be expected of me, my SO is so willing for me to be involved and wants nothing more than to treat me as a team. Anyone who doesn't understand that must not understand what love is.

So I did a little research of my own to better prepare myself, found this site, and realized it's not all rainbows and roses and that the chance of it f***ing up is pretty much huge, especially if the BM is crazy and we don't have custody. Then I turned around and started to see the little things that SO is doing that could potentially spell disaster for our relationship. Then we had multiple talks/fights/sessions of picking out the details and dynamics of how we were going to work.

Let me say this, never did I think she would with-hold visitation, never did I think the courts would be so unfair, never did I think the lawyers for both sides only wanted money and was willing to drag this out for as long as possible, never did I think we were going to make the decision to not see the child until he is 5-6 years old (have not seen him yet at 1 year of age) to save him from the conflicts that would arise between SO and BM, never did I think we were going to come to the conclusion that no contact until he can think for himself would be the best for everyone involved, because BM ONLY CARES ABOUT FIGHTING TO GET TO SO. Never did I think I would hate our situation so much that I was willing to leave him just so I didn't have to deal with it anymore.

I am SO GRATEFUL for the existence of this site, even though I am not in the midst of the stepparenting world yet, this site has prepared me in ways no other can, has prepared BOTH me and SO (who is also intermittently surfing this place), for him to not want to be "that guy", for me to realize that hate is alright, for HIM to realize, that hate, like the one he already feels for the entire situation, is okay, and that what will define us is how we deal with it.

So I also have an SO who cares and loves and respects my opinion, but this, he has sworn, will hold true even if I end up hating or resenting the kid. Does her's? If his love for her is only conditional on the fact that she cares for his child, I can see her singing a different tune when it turns around and she's feeling the repercussions of the world revolve around the child.

Dreamers can never be tamed, but they can be broken.

"Whats difficult in the first year is being the one woman your kid has spent time with since his parents split up when he was 6 months old.

Whats difficult is telling him he lives with you now and only gets to see his mom once a week.

whats difficult is hearing him tell you about how he watched his mom try to drown herself in the bathtub."
---------------------------------------

I'm sorry StepToBe1127, but it's not called difficult, it's called life.

I had to take full custody of my BD(7) when she was 4. Her father was a drug doing drunk who was drinking and driving with her in the car. Was it difficult? No. It was probably one of the more easier things I have ever done. Why? Because it's life. That's what needed to be done.

You think that because you had a difficult relationship that it some how gives you an edge on all of this. It may have made you a stronger person but it doesn't give you a heightened since of what the future holds. I could tell you stories about my childhood that would make your skin crawl. Do I know everything about step parenting because of it? No. Do I presume to know how step parenting works for other people? No. Am I stonger person because of everything I went through? Yes.

Do I hate my FSKids? No. Do I have moments of disliking them? Yes. Can my feelings change in the future? Of course. Do I know if it will be for the better or worse? I have no clue.

What you need to understand is that nobody's lives are the same. We are not all dealing with the same kids. And this I can tell you, if I were to find out that FSD(7) was plotting to kill my child, you bet your a$$ I would hate her. Nobody hurts my flesh and blood. But this is something that you at this point and time in your life will not understand.

You need to get down off of your high horse and realize that you may understand your life, but you can not possibly understand anybody elses. The great thing about having freedom of will is that you can choose to do or to not do something. Example: reading blogs where skids are being bashed on. I'm pretty sure that you can tell by the title whether it's going to be about skids or BMs. So why would you choose to read something that you don't agree with and then post on here bashing everybody who posts that kind of stuff?

I just don't get you.

Well i have read your posts and replies, in some you kept saying how things are good, we are saying they more than likely will get bad, and your response is, that it doesnt mean it will get bad for you just because it did for us. (Yes i am summarizing and paraphrasing)
Your right, it doesnt mean it will, BUT it doesnt mean it wont either.
i have also read where you have stated (paraphrasing again) that you dont believe your situation will get like the ones you have read here. Well of course not. Why? Cause no two step situation is exactly the same! Can they have similarities? Yup. But because these situations involve people you will get several approaches, several different results, and several different feelings about it.
it doesnt mean one was more right or more wrong for their approach, result and feelings.
We all as sm's, do the best we can at the present time with the knowledge and experience we have at that moment.
As sm's it truly is us against the world. We are an elite club. The only requirement for a membership is to be in a serious relationship with a man who has kids. (Sorry, sd's are allowed too of course lol) Our only rule, dont condem another step! You dont have to agree, you will never truly understand (see earlier about each situation being different) but that doesnt mean you cannot have empathy for your fellow sister or brother step.
I truly hope your "situation" will be positive for you.
You are part of the club. No matter if you love the sk's, hate them, dont see them, they live with you, their kids, babies, or adults, etc.. No matter if they are angels, or satan's spawn, special needs, gifted, etc... No matter the situation, we as steps ALL have something to contribute to our club. It doesnt mean you have to listen, should follow the advice, etc... it just means respect the fellow member. They might not be in the same boat, but they are in the same lake without paddles!

So if all is so good in your world, why are you here. Oh, that's right to vent about BM. Why, arent' you and SO a team. Can't the two of you just bond a bit more and work it out.

Look, I agree sometimes the language on this site used to describe young children in particular is way out of line. But before you pass judgement on people you have to have walked in their shoes. You have a right if you wish to say you disagree with a poster saying something you disagree with, you do not have a right to pass judgement. You come across as being very young, very inexperienced and very arrogant. Now I do not know if that is true, but to me that is how you are coming across. To suggest that SM just bond a bit more with SK and the world will be made of cotton candy.....well please, you have no idea of how much so many SM's have tried, sacrificed, worked towards and wanted a relationship with their SK. Sometimes all you can really do is accept that SK would prefer to stick forks in their eyes than look at you, and step back. You do not however have to accept their abuse, physicall, verbal or emotional, and some of us have decided just that. Now, to be fair to you I beleive we have the problems we have because our DH's do not support us, they put their kids first, (just as your SO did when he first dated you and made it clear he was not interested in dating someone who was not interested in his kid), when the kids are put up on a pedestal, when all sorts of excuses are made for their poor behviour, ie: BM is crazy, BM makes them do this, say that, poor kid has gone through a divorce, whatever, when the excuses start and the child is exhaunerated from all blame, then the problems set in.

Sorry, but I can see you eating your words one day, and you will regret putting them in writing because you cannot say....you did't say it.

This site is meant to be a support for steparents, not a place where someone other than the sk's get to pass judgement on your poor parenting skills. By the way, we all know parenting is a team work thing, and more often than not it is the steparent who is doing all the parenting while the bio gets to play good guy. Our life is not yours, our partners are not yours, our step kids are not yours, I have 3, 30, 34 and 36, trust me, one little 7 year old would seem like paradise, hang on tight because your 7 year old with the crazy BM will be 17 one day and the same crazy bm will still be around. Little kids little problems, big kids bigger problems, one day you will understand this.

Some of the wording used in relation to SK appalling I do not disagree with that at all, and I have been the first to post that I do not like the name calling, but I understand the frustration behind it. Just to give you brief history as to why you cannot make sweeping statements about people on this site. My husband was estranged from his children when we got together. He told me how wonderful they were, yeah right, they were wonderfully entitled to anything and everything. I did everything possible to gently encourage him to have a realtionship with his kids, then one day the eldest then 20 contacted him, why, because she loved and missed daddy, no because she wanted a new car. Now I'll skip all the bits, but we helped her with her brand new car, but she never forgave us for not buying it for her outright. Whilst he had not seen them and during the time we were together we picked up the tab for her last two years at uni, he had already picked up the first two, so her university education was free of charge for her, no student loans. During the entire time she was at uni, we paid her cell phone bill. When DH got prostate cancer and needed surgery, lost his job and was off work for 7 months we saw SD once, when he lost his job, she came around and asked if he had been given a payout, he said yes, and she said, good, now you can buy me a boat, I have always wanted a boat. Oh, yes she phoned him up once a month, but that was only to keep tabs on her financial plan. Once he started working again, she came visiting daddy again. She has been very open in saying she would like to see her father and I dead, and that she will get our house and all our possessions when we die. Now I have 3 kids too, but obviously, they mean as little to her as I do, none of us exist. Everything is hers when we die. Skipping all the drama she caused despite my bending over backwards, making sure I wasn't intrusive while she was coming back into DH's life, she never spoke to me, she made me feel unwelcome in my own home and made horrible comments about me in front of me. This finished up 8 years of living hell later by her having a child (she is now 30), and telling her father if he wants to see the child he has to leave me. I did nothing to this girl or her brothers, except help then out whenever they wanted anything, including cleaning her new house, because she didn't know how to, helping get her morgage because she and the fiance couldn't do it, anyway a million and one things that I cannot be bothered re-hashing. I did not deserve this, and yes I have given up, only an idiot would stay in a situation where they are being abused, and the problem with my SD is that she has abused everyone in the family for so long that it is as if they have all become victims of domestic violence, they are now too scared to leave, to cut her out of their lives, even the fiance is afraid to leave and I know this because he has come to me privately in tears over her behaviour. So, you see my SD has severe problems, ones that I cannot fix, and ones that she doesn't want to fix, do you suggest that I keep someone who wants me dead around me, because I assure you, this is not just talk or showing off on her part, she wants me and her father dead.

This is his child, it is very hard for him because no matter what she is his daughter, but once again they are estranged and she used her newborn to do it. I am the mother of 3 children and the grandmother of 4, do you suggest I try harder and take a chance with my life so that my family get left without a mother and grandmother, trust me when you have children of your own and find yourself in this type of situation, if you do not "Give Up" you would be a fool, because your children need their mother and your SK who hates your guts should not be given priority over them.

It is not wise to say how you will do things in the future, because none of can see what the future holds. As a stepmother even of adults I loved my husband dearly and wanted him to be happy, I wanted all the kids to be in our lives and we even kept the two lots of kids apart to make HIS kids happy, but nothing we did would make this girl happy. Now she cannot come here anymore and DH did not leave me for her baby, she will not allow her brothers to contact their father and the oldest boy has a newborn as well so my DK does not see that child either. None of this is due to my failure to try and bond a bit better.

This is just my story, there are a million others out there just like me, there are a million others out there who have tried and there are a millions of us who have been rejected. But if you think that if you try long enough and hard enough all will be well, I an assure you, that in a perfect world would be right, however this is far from a perfect world. You cannot make people like you if they do not, and if SK' have made up their mind to hate you till you're dead, then there is really no to much you can do about it, and trying till they put you in a grave doesn't really give you much of a life does it. I am 60 now, if you think that I am going to keep this hatred around me for the rest of my life, you are seriously mistaken. I have what 20 - 25 maybe if I am lucky 30 more summers, life is far to short to waste trying with people who don't want to try. My SD will never "realise the error her ways" and respect me as you suggest, because she firmly believes she is right. I am standing between her and dad's wallet and she hates me for it, end of story. Nothing and no one will convince her otherwise. I honestly hope things stay as they are for you, I hope that as your SS grows his love for you will grow, but if it does not, if he goes off the rails and you have bio kids that are being affected by his behaviour, if he becomes threatening and violent towards you and them, are you going to protect them or just try harder with him. Look sorry I am not trying to be mean to you, but you just don't have enough experience in this to be judging others and no matter how you word it, that is how you come across. Even the comment you would never stop trying is
implying that somehow the rest of us have failed. It is judgemental and we have all been throug enough.

Ripley, you're right.

I love my SS, I knew he would come along with my SO. Things become SO frustrating when he comes back from BM's house with an attitude and all kinds of emotions.

I've been reading this for a few days, I guess I don't know what to say really. I just keep thinking "Walk a mile in her shoes". I care about my skids very much and I know that at least some of their behavior is due to how they have been parented by SO and BM, however it does not change the fact they are obnoxious, liars, disruptive, destructive and are violent/abusive to my children and animals. I'm sorry, I've put up with sooooooooo much over the years and when SS8 punched my not yet 1 year old in the face for no reason and left a mark and acted like it was no big deal and showed no remorse for his actions that was it. The child is no longer allowed in my home at least until his behavior changes, he's threatening to kill people at school, like chop their heads off, stab them to death, rip out their guts, threw scissors at his teacher and pretended to shoot her with a gun made out of lego, it's just out of control, yes they are being seen by a doctor but it seems like it's taking forever to get to the bottom of it all. Even CPS has advised me NOT to allow them in my home or around my children until they have been seen, issues have been addressed and they show improvement. If I do and something horrible happens to one of my children because of the skids I could find myself under investigation for putting my children in an unsafe situation. It's tiring and yes sometimes I feel like I care about their well being more then either of their parents but it's really not my place, I've been told many times, you married him NOT his kids, and that they are not my responsibility when they have two able bodied parents. Or I've heard the "You know what you were getting yourself into" No, actually I did not. His children were a handful back then but they weren't unbearable, their behavior has progressively gotten worse over the years and I'm just at the end of my ropes. SO understands and agree's with me actually with a lot of what I feel when it comes to his kids and he is just as frustrated.

I've seen some nasty language use directed at some skids on here, I chalk it up to those people feeling as I do, and basically just venting off their frustrations, I do not call skids any names on here other then the use of "gremlins" because really that's the way they act and actually SO was the one that came up with that name generally for his daughter in the first place because she is obnoxious, quite annoying at times and never stops, she goes and goes, bouncing off the walls, she has carried on crying for more then 12 hours before for absolutely nothing, it's terrible at bed time trying to get her to go to sleep and when she does eventually fall asleep she is only asleep for a few short hours before she wakes at the break of dawn, sometimes before (as early as 4am before) and trashes my house and get's into EVERYTHING. I've maybe used the word brat before too, can't remember, but hey, any kid can be a brat! Even mine at times! lol

But yeah, like others said, the love for your own child is a world different then any other child that is not your own, you will know and feel this the first time you hold your own flesh and blood. It's just so different. You will understand when you have your own.

I so wish I had the life of someone who has such a well behaved skid.

It is Grand that you love your SS and your situation has worked out for YOU! That does not give you any right to assume that some who are not enamored with their Skids are the bizarre ones. You have absolutely no idea what goes on in other households where the skids are GOD awful little needy, whiney, vindictive brats and some have turned into needy, whiney, vindictive ADULT BRATS. Don’t judge and here is a news flash...it is possible to love a man and not feel any connection to his children he has had with another woman and it is equally possible for said children to act like shit to anyone their Daddy is dating or married to....I personally don't feel the need to kiss ass or love anyone on command.

I met my now husband's daughter when she was seven. We hit it off instantly. Yes, there were many issues and hard patches, with her, her mom, and her father, probably me too. She is thirteen now, and we love each other fiercely. I am not her mom, but she is my little one. How many of you bio moms have a thirteen year old who actually wants to be around you? I do. Good luck, steptobe. It will be hard work, but you are not the only one.