:O
I must be a really bad person. I don't like my step daughter. I don't like her mom. I have tried. and I feel like a completely terrible, hateful person.

She's only 11, almost 12. And I know that a hard age. My dh and the mother were never married. They dated for 8 months, she got pregnant. Here he has a kid. They didn't maintain a romantic relationship at that point. She left to live with her mom 150 miles away where she eventually did marry and has now been married for about 7 years and they have a 6 year old son together. My dh was married for 3 years to another woman and hen divorced.

The kid is pretty and can be sweet at times. Her homelife seems to be good.. she only comes to us on visitation weekends. And my dh has to pick her up & take her home every single time!!!

That's annoying in itself.

Up until just a few months ago.. they stepdad was out of a job. The mom has always been a stay at home mom and has never ever worked outside of the home. Even though her husband lost his job and and they were discussing how terrible things were.
He has a new job now. That has made things better.

The sd attends a private catholic school. Yeh, that's cheap!
Seriously, the mom has taken all the money from child support and uses it toward this school. Then when she was "poor" she told us that she was going to have to take the girl out of private and put her in public bc she was going to need to use the money for other stuff for the daughter. Ok. Yeh, you should have done that a long time ago.
These people think they have a lot of money but they don't. The mom get's some money from a trust fund that her grandfather left her. But other than that she's not rich but seems hell bent on raising the daughter to think and behave like a rich bitch all the time.

Her eating habits are atrocious. The mom was lazy and fed her raw veggies when she was a toddler with very little meat other than "chicken strips".
She still feeds her things like plain white rice for breakfast. Rice.. without anything on it. Not even butter, milk or sugar... not even an egg.
just a bowl of rice. The kid refuses to eat anything. She acts like a brat when we go out to a restaraunt.
Throws fits and cries. It's embarrassing for a almost 12 year old to behave this way.

She smarts off to me. And to her dad. She speaks to everyone as though she is on the same level.... not like she is a kid speaking to an adult. No level of respect to anyone. I get on to her all the time. I can't stand to be around someone that acts like this and not say something.

She has even said.. this is my house. I'll clean it when I want to. Well, guess what? Things have changed. Your world is different now!

My dh does get on to her or chastise her when I point out or say something. I have to say he's gotten a lot better at noticing her inappropriate behavior.

Also, I even commented one night at a friend's house.. my dh and sd were rolling around.. on the couch wrestling. Laughing.. she was throwing her legs in the air. Just acting like it was the time of her life. Well, I realize 2 things from this behavior: either she is starved for attention or she is treated like the 6 year old boy at home and has no idea how to really act like a 11 year old girl.

I'm the oldest of 5 kids, 3 of them boys. So I know how the horseplay goes on. But not when you are a visitor in someone's home and not when you reach a certain age.

She doesn't seem to be able to make a distinction between what is appropriate and what is not appropriate behavior for a child her age.

She acts like a 8 year old....but she wants everyone to treat her like she's 18. Demanding to be involved in all the decision making processes.

My dh will discuss plans with me about the weekend then he will say... oh, let me ask "daughter" what she wants to do. I've pointed out to him several times. She's a kid.. just take her and go with it. Stop asking her what she wants.
She is not entitled to run the entire weekend.

I'm just thinking that I really honestly do not like this kid. And I love kids!!

I don't know how to get through this or to deal with her.
She claims to love me so much. But I just don't see that at all.
She is like a mini version of her mother, who is a clueless, useless and vapid person.
My dh agrees that the mom is just a pain and usually he is the one venting about her behavior and parenting skills or lack thereof!
But I've noticed in the past 6 months that the mom will call my dh, as if he's her best friend in the world and confided her entire life's problems to him.
I told him.. she needs to get a new best friend. All you are doing is placing yourself in a crappy position.
And when you do that it makes me think.. that maybe you wish you could just talk to her all the time. I told him I hope that you don't discuss our life with her like she discusses her's with you!!!!
She confided in him a few months ago that she was unhappy in her life and her marriage.
My dh believes that she is saying all this out of concern for the well being of their daughter.
Because that's how he looks at everything.
But I know.. I'm a woman and I know how things work with women.

Any ideas or ways that I can handle this?? I'm just at a loss for words right now. I love my dh. And for him I can deal with this for 6 more years. I can deal with anything.
But I find myself being a smart ass and being sarcastic to the sd all the time when she's with us and get's on my nerves.
I worry my dh thinks it's just me!!! Because his little princess could do no wrong at all!!! She's so smart and brilliant and just knows everything!!
Barf