How can I be happy with SD13 trying to make me miserable?
So this weekend we had to spend time together as a family. SD13 hasn't been home in a month because she has moved to a home for troubled youth and we wouldn't let her come home on our weekends because the lies got sooo bad we didn't feel it was safe to have her around the small children. So she was home this weekend and I was sooo miserable. She was defiant, rude, full of BS, arguing, etc. I tried to stay away, but we were together at church and visiting extended family. I don't know how to change the way I feel. I can't stand being in the same room as her. She even stinks but of course I can't say anything because then I will just look like a jerk. She will be moving back home sometime next year. HOw am i supposed to live my life with someone I am repulsed by and is trying to make me miserable? I wish I could walk away from her but not my husband so what do i do???
Ahhhhh~ 13... Must be the
Ahhhhh~ 13... Must be the magic age. I have one too. She drives me absolutely CRAZY! I'm gonna end up in one of those homes you were talking about. LOL My SD refuses to do anything around the house... BUT yet goes downstairs to neighbors and cleans for her!!!!! How bout that?! I complain to my honey about it but he has nothing to say. He never backs me up. God, give all us step-mom's strength:)
Her behavioral therapist,
Her behavioral therapist, school counselor, psychologist and psychiatrist all recommended that she go to this place. I don't know if there are many places like this (we are in Georgia) but it is awesome! Tons of family counseling that is not always fun... but neccessary. She is realizing that there are rules in life not just my rules, but she is bucking the system or course. I am so tired of hearing that she is going to change, she has hit her bottom, etc. This is the crap she says when she backs herself into a corner with her lies. She is never truely remorseful and learns any lessons. She just gets more deceitful, manipulative and bitchy. She has learned bad behavior from other girls that live at the facility. I am having a hard time accepting that this is what I have to deal with for another 5+ years. I don't even want to be in a family picture right now. I don't want this time in our lives recorded in a picture. I am just not fake. I can't pretend I like her!
I was in a similar situation
I was in a similar situation with my SD14/15. She was hostile, defiant and wouldn’t cooperate with even the most basic household rules and intentionally failed most of her classes at school. She was a guest in my home and I couldn’t stand be there because of her. I hated every moment she was there and wanted her gone. She was making everyone miserable and completely destroying our family.
I wanted to send her to some sort of boot camp program and we talked to admissions counselors for several therapeutic boarding schools. I really wish my DH hadn’t chickened out and sent her to one. He was too afraid of the horror stories.
If she had gone, we probably would have ended up out tens of thousands of dollars for nothing. Any sort of therapy only works if someone wants to change and puts forth the effort to do so. SD15 does not want to change and it doesn't sound like your SD13 wants to either.
I did not want to continue living like I was with that brat in my home, so what I told my husband is that either his daughter was going to change or she was no longer going to live with us.
I set up a home rules contract that listed out all of the rules, regulations and consequences for breaking rules. If she was to continue to live with us, she needed to sign it and agree to accept the consequences for failing to comply with it, apologize to me and my son and act like she wanted to be part of our family.
She refused to sign it, so she is now living with her aunt and uncle in another state. It’s been very difficult for my DH, and he’s angry at me for not allowing his daughter in my home, but it’s what’s best for me and my son. His daughter has forfeited her right to be part of our family and eventually he'll realize it's for the best that she not be part of our lives.
Wow. That's awesome,
Wow. That's awesome, frustrated-mom. I admire you for standing up for yourself. I am so tired of the drama, lies and manipulation. she is always "sorry" when she is caught but the behavior and attitude only gets worse. We are hoping the program she is in is going to work for our family. It is ssooooo nice to have her out of the house. I have told my DH that if the behavior continues she might need to go somewhere like a boot camp that does not require weekends home and holidays home. It got so bad that she couldn't be here for a few weeks because we felt she is a threat to me and our small children. DH feels like I am giving him an ultimatum, but I said if SD is causing problems this huge then maybe this is not the right program for her and she needs something more strict like a boot camp where she will be gone for 90 days or more! I REFUSE to let things continue the way they have been. If he won't put his foot down I will call the cops on her, leave or whatever I have to do to find serenity in my home!