Yeah, I decided on that pretty quickly. I love my SO very very much, he is the best man ever, we have been good friends for quite a while and this behavior never came out during play-dates with all four of the kids, only after we moved in. The BM has had multiple boyfriends through the house-not judging, so have I, but my Bkids have never seen me make out or sleep with anyone, and their dad and I maybe hug or a quick peck, but never any sexual stuff in front of the kids, so she has seen it in daycare or at the BM house. My Bkids have never been in daycare, they are very social though (school, sports, playgrounds, beaches-they have never met a stranger), but they have never seen scratching, biting, shoving, kicking (hard!), constant rage-filled screaming during video games or hurting just for kicks and taking pants off and showing privates to strangers. It puzzles me that the parents communicate "well", but yet never ever address any important topics like "hey! what's up with our daughter and her sex drive" or "where does this violence come from" or "where did she learn to scratch like that". I moved out and cannot even tell my SO how I feel right now, I am literally disturbed by this. BKids have learned to say to the SKids "put your pants back on, we don't do stuff like that" or "why are you yelling/kicking/scratching? that's not ok", but it gets ignored and actually gets worse. They resent anything and anyone that disciplines them, my BKids listen to the disciplining and say "sorry" or "got it" and then it stops. I don't think even after 18 I could be part of that environment...

Thanks guys. I don't mind being a SM to his kids, I really do love them, but I don't want them around mine that much anymore, maybe just play-dates like before, outside parks or indoor parks, but not residing together. So, basically more quality rather than quantity time. I wonder if kids grow out of that toddler sex drive, or is she always going to be like that. Her dad sat her down and said "keep your clothes on and we don't let anyone touch us below the belly button line" at which she smiled seductively at her dad and said "you mean my knees?"-so she knows. Her daycare told me one time when I picked her up that they would prefer if she wore more stuff under her skirts from now on because "she cannot keep her legs crossed", so I think this has gone on for a while, the parents don't think anything about it. BM is pretty open with her sexuality, had naked plays with other women in hot tubs at parties and stuff, so it might either be genetic or learned. The violence is there. Even his 20some year old scares me, he is finally moving out of the house since I didn't want to visit when he is there-cannot start with the long list of anger issues that kid has...Hopefully that's not going to be an issue anymore soon. Whew!

Thank you for your replies. My SO is really really a sweet, good man, he grew up without this new age therapy and communication trend, you went to work and you came home, get ready for next day. He loooooves his kids and mine and adores me, he listens to my advice on how to better guide them, I think he is just starting to see that his kids need help-they are only 5 and almost 7, so they are just starting to show signs of trouble. He thinks that the girl is cute when she is bossy and sexy-like, he is starting to understand that something might be wrong. She is not just curious, she acts like "I gotta have it, NOW!" and when my 5 yo ignores her (because I sat him down and told him to ignore her or look away when she shows her privates), then she rages and turns around and takes it out on the little guy, the 4 yo. That is her mother (because I know her mother), she acts like that-if I don't get "it" here and now, then I am gonna get it somewhere and in the meantime I am going to be mean to someone. These kids have grown in a very sterile environment-no emotions, no talking, no bonding activities, the parents are career people and come home and cook and clean and everyone gets up at 5 am and off to some school/daycare. Wayyyy different than how my ex and I have raised ours-almost 180 from my kids.

Thanks so much! I learned something new. I will do some research. I also work with a child therapist myself, just for my life (we had a highly charged divorce that took 3 years, so I wanted to make sure that the kids learn how to cope with things- my ex has since forbidden the therapist to talk to the children, he does not believe in therapy himself) so I will ask the therapist for more on this topic. In the meantime, no private quarters with his kids and mine, only public places and limited exposure.

Dad is a very warm person, he is like the mother and the father to those kids, he is older and comes from a generation that doesn't talk much, especially about private issues like sexuality and anger, kids are supposed to grow out of them according to that age group. He is open to my suggestions, he even agreed to role play with dolls and see if SD5 has seen or experienced something herself. I just cannot see SD5 growing out of this, especially since her mother is over-sexed and hosts a great variety of men (that are themselves still married to other women) in her house. I am afraid about needing to put her on birth control by 9 already if we were to live together... Also, I am not convinced she wouldn't make up some stories about one of my boys raping her (or making up stories about me, you never know these days) etc. in the future, she is kinda smug like that already. I adore her, but she kinda scares me at times... I have not been able to go back to the house since we left, he needs to spend some time just with them, talk and see where the anger, violence and over-sexuality comes from, causes, roots, events, how to un-learn this behavior...lots of talking and bonding is needed before I can even come back into the picture!