Am I the crazy one?
I am a mom to DS 2 and DS 6. I have a SS 10. I think I am losing my mind one day at a time. I have tried to talk to DH about the things I am about to type, but he says I "make something out of nothing."
My SS10 thinks that he is an adult. He tries to be in all adult conversations, asks who is on the phone, and tries to "parent" my DS's. This does not fly with me! He has told my DS 6 that he is doing things incorrectly so many times that DS 6 now says he can't do anything right. This has me madder than hell. My DS 6 is very intelligent and full of spirit. He has plenty of faults, but I receive nothing but compliments from his teachers about his manners and intellectual ability. DH says he thinks SS 10 is going to stop doing this now that they "have talked" but I think it's only going to continue. I am miserable in my home life and do not want my children to grow up thinking they can't do anything right. I take Lexapro daily to help with this and also drink (not heavy) often. Please offer some advice on this. It's feels like I am a fish out of water, drowning.
I'm sorry...I'm confused. Are
I'm sorry...I'm confused. Are you the step mom or the the bio mom? Can you clarify your abbreviations for me? I'm new here.
I re-read your topic, and I'm not clear on what is going on between the children. I get what bio dad is saying to you.
I am the bio mom to 2 yr old
I am the bio mom to 2 yr old and 6 yr old and stepmom to 10 yr old. The stepson tried to parent the 6 yr old and tells him that he isn't doing tasks correctly. (Feeding dogs, sweeping, etc.) Even after I have told the 6 yr old to do it a specific way and that is the way he is doing it. 10 yr old thinks he is an adult and can treat 6 yr old however he wants. I have caught him screaming at him before.
I am sick over all of this. DH doesnt seem to see any of this as he sees no fault in his son PERIOD
Are there other examples that
Are there other examples that have made you feel like SS thinks he is an adult? The example that you give doesn't seem to be a big deal. I know that all of my kids (step & bio) tell each other what to do and how to do it! I think it's a little bit normal!
There must be other things that have bothered you about your SS that have made you feel this way.
BTW...I DO understand your
BTW...I DO understand your frustrations with him butting in to conversations, etc. That drives me nuts too!
Seems that biodad has given
Seems that biodad has given SS10 "adult spousal status"
This needs to be nipped in the bud instantly. I do know that in "intact" homes, the older siblings WILL try to parent the younger ones. But usually in this case the bioparent will step in and put older sibling in his/her place.
Looks like SS has had "equal footing" with daddykins for a very long time and probably SS views himself as "superior" to you. The fact that he has been allowed to butt into adult conversations,etc. by biodad, shows that DH is ok with this and wants to be SS10's "buddy" and not his parent.
I'm sure that DH will have a pleasant little "chat," SS will nod his head "yes," promise not to do it anymore and then he'll RAMP UP the proxy parenting of DS6, you can be sure.
Seeing that it is your child that SS is affecting, you should step in when he starts up again (and believe me he will with a vengeance as his "adult spousal status" is being challenged)
Be prepared for backlash when SS is taken down a peg or two by you. SS will turn into a tattler and go running straight to biodad. "HelplessStep is MEAN to me. . whimper whimper, sniff sniff!"
Then you'll hear ye olde "I don't want to LOSE my son" crap.
For your DH to say you are "making a mountain out of a molehill" correlates with #7 of my personal compilation on how to tell if your man is a "guiltzilla" aka a guilty daddy. SM's legitimate concerns are swept under the rug. . ."don't worry" "relax" "you're making a big deal out if it" blah blah
Oh yes..........the adult
Oh yes..........the adult status. This is classic! And yes, you are the crazy one - we all are here! Didn't you know that?? Just Kidding - but it sure feels that way - right?? I am not sure what you DH is like; but mine is clueless when it comes to princess SD14 - I DO not do certain things around her or any of the BK's.......somethings are just meant for adults; my DH caught on and eventually caught on that maybe he shouldn't do certain things; but then again he slips a lot and says things that I can't believe he would do in front of them. Do what you feel is right!!
I think this behavior can be
I think this behavior can be natural for kids. I know my own DD7 does this with SD5. Its part of her personality, to be bossy and tell SD how to do things correctly. Its fine that its part of their personality, they will make a great CEO some day! How I handle this with my DD is to let her know that her responsibility is to make sure she is doing the right things and the only person she is responsible for is herself. That it is mine and SO responsibility over SD and DD. That we are the "bosses" in the house. She gets it and understands it. This is just a personality trait of hers that needs some checking now and again.
It's unfortunate that DS feels he can never do things right. What I also do with my DD is show her how we praise others for when they do things right, or are a good helper etc. Encourage SS to "lift others up" and even have a little discussion with the kids about each of their strengths and that is what everyone should be focusing on because everyone makes mistakes, and its OK!
Thank you all for the
Thank you all for the insight. SS10 tries to be an adult to everyone he meets. My parents, my grandparents, and my friends all see the way this child acts and talks. A prime example happened the other day. My mom and grandmother were having a conversation about my nephew finally getting a haircut. (He had hair long enough for a ponytail.) SS10 added to the conversation (and I am quoting from my mom "Dad has been trying to get (HelplessStep) to cut Daltons (my 2 yr old) hair but you know how that goes." He is 10!!!! What in the world is he thinking?!? DH thinks it is just great!!!
DH and I have been together for 4 years and things have only gotten worse with SS10. When I try to talk to him about his behavior, school work, etc. he gives me a deer in the headlights look. If he does mumble a response, it is usually some off the wall topic. I don't hate the child at all, but I hate his actions and behavior. I am to the point that I just want to throw in the towel and be done.
Being a step parent is like fighting a losing battle!
No, you're not crazy, and
No, you're not crazy, and yes, it is a losing battle.
Your SS should not be trying to exert control like he is an adult. That is obnoxious and not cute in the least. He is a child and likely wants to feel like he is "ahead" of you in line, so to speak, where your DH is concerned.
I absolutely cannot stand the conversation interruptions. Occasionally my SD9 will bellow out "What?" when DH and I are talking. I just ignore her. I refuse to give her a "summary" of something that isn't any of her business in the first place. Then there is my SS5 who never shuts up! He loves the sound of his own voice, because it is just incessant blabber out of his mouth all the time. He won't stop talking during a TV show or sports event HE picked to watch and then has the audacity to ask, "What happened?" Well, gee, if you would SHUT UP and PAY ATTENTION, then you would know what the f**k happened! He will ask a question, or even make a statement, and then repeat it over and over and over. So sick and tired of this kid thinking everyone has to be looking at him and fawning over him every second of the day.
I really wish I could just say what we all feel: if you need to know something, we will tell you, otherwise BUTT OUT and stop interrupting adult conversations!
^^^^^^The worst part is my DH
^^^^^^The worst part is my DH will stop and give a "Summary" of the conversation. That makes me pure livid! I always comment to DH "I don't remember him being a part of our conversation." I couldn't agree more - I would love to tell the kid to stop being nosey and stay out of grown folk talk. When I was growing up, we weren't allowed to ask what adults were talking about. But thinking back, we really weren't interested.
If I would have butted into
If I would have butted into an adult conversation when I was 10, I would've gotten my feelers hurt! Doesn't this kid have any friends he can hang out with, and leave you & yours alone?!