There are a couple of issues I'd like to address, so I will try and keep this as unjumbled as possible.

I've only known my boyfriend for 9 months, and got pregnant shortly after we met. We get along really well and I can see us being together for a very, very long time. He has a son who is 8 years old. His name is Dexter. Dexter was born when boyfriend and biomom were young, 18 & 19. Boyfriend is a devoted father, and though I haven't observed her mothering skills, I'd say she was a devoted mother. Dexter is spoiled. He will interrupt, pout constantly when he doesn't get his way, and is very lazy - expecting everyone to do everything for him. I blame this on both of them. I know how boyfriend treats him, and assume biomom is doing the same, if not worse. At the same time, Dexter has a big heart, he's very loving and understanding. He has many good qualities and I do love him as I would my own child. But the things that are negative about him drive me nuts.

I addressed the issue subtly with my boyfriend, letting him know that threatening him with a consequence and never following through will not result in respect - ever. Also, saying yes to every request is not healthy either. Babying him every time he pouts only condones immature behavior. My boyfriend has realized how right I was, but since there is a custody battle between boyfriend and biomom, it seems his mindset is Dexter will not like him as much as his mom because he doesn't get what he wants. I was a good kid, and I wouldn't have been if my mom allowed this behavior. I have seen the results of parenting like this, and that scares me for my step-son. I truly want the best for him, but there is no structure. Dexter show me more respect than he does boyfriend because I give him boundaries with me, he knows I do not tolerate disrespect or pouting, especially from an 8 year old. Of course, I don't address this behavior in a mean way, like I said, I love him as I would my own. I talk to him in a respectful tone, and try to make him see his actions and the results. I know 8 year olds will throw their fits, just like any kid, but he does it constantly, and says things to make his dad feel guilty, because step-son knows it will get him attention. I just don't know what to do.. I guess I am looking for those who have been in the same situation that can offer kind words and support.

Another issue I have, and it could be an irrational fear, but I fear that my step-son will always be held at number one, and the baby on the way will be seen as second. It kills me, because I give more leeway to my step-son as I am not his mother, than I would my own son. There are things my boyfriend says and does that makes me feel this fear is a possibility. Of course, the further I get along the more my boyfriend mentions Felix (I am 30 weeks - 10 more to go! Felix is the name we chose for him). I'm excited that my baby will have an older brother, and I know my step-son will be a great brother even though he doesn't seem too interested in the idea right now. Anyone else been in this situation? Is my fear irrational?

Sorry for the long-winded post. I have been holding all this in for so long. It's a relief to get it written down.