Its hard with the recent post being gone so I typed up this blog and just posted it in the general spot because I would really like some feed back. Thanks ladies for anyone who has ever commented. I feel very grateful for all of you!.Thanks

So I posted a blog about how I was leaving and I am woman hear me roar type stuff and I am still in this crazy relationship. I called around to get a place and um...well my credit isnt amazing so I need to get that straightened and also I love him f*** I hate that part. Well yesterday was mediation for custody. Right now we have the boys full time and she only gets one hour every other week supervised. She now wants joint custody and no supervision. I thought that was bonkers. She is crazy if she thinks she is getting right. I mean if you dont know my story BM is a drug addict and cant keep a job. She doesnt pay child support and she shows up late to her supervised visits and leaves early. I told my SO that we need to get documentation of everything and present it to the mediator so that we didnt look unreasonable with not allowing her more visitation. My SO is not a dumb guy but man sometimes I wonder. She did all her drug classes and all her parenting classes. She also had the person that supervises her visits write a letter on her behalf. By the way I told my SO to have this person write us a letter obviously that did not happen right?? God he irritates me. Then the mediator really took her side said she did everything she was supposed to do. My SO says that she is a drug addict that doesnt stop just because she went to a couple meetings. Literally the boys when they were younger the oldest was five and the second oldest was 3 they literally left their apt while my SO was at work and she was supposed to be taking care of them. They left the apt and walked to their grandmas apt which is down the block all by themselves!! When they got to their grandmothers she called my SO and told him the boys were their by themselves he called her and guess what SHE HAD NO IDEA THEY HAD LEFT!!! So now we are just supposed to give her visits I mean I felt like he didnt try hard enough. He told me the mediator said all of that was in the past and if he had anything current. He said on Monday 4/18/11 (this past Monday) she showed up 30 minutes late to her one hour long visit. She didnt call to say she would be late she just showed up 30 minutes late. This visiting sch has been going on for 2 years. Why didnt she call?? Now we have to give her four kids (which is a massive amount of work) to watch and she will be able to watch all four and be on time and be a responsible adult..........Mediator said that being on time is asking for perfection....she went from being a drug addict and trying suicide to doing what she needs to do and just being late. Do you think I am being ridiculous and that I am asking for perfection?? I feel as though my SO and everyone including myself wants me to raise these kids. I enjoy it because I love them. Its very hard and sometimes I question myself but I really love these kids. They deserve a great mom and I think I am doing the best I can. Everyone wants me to raise them but when it comes to serious situations such as custody and their safety I am supposed to sit back and let it just fall together?