Just as I thought.....SD17 cancels visitation
SD17 moved out and back in with her violent, volatile BM.... so she could finish HS at the school of her choice. She is a senior. We rescued her and moved her in with us and after two months... she was crying incessantly, and announced she has to move back with BM... she missed her friends too much. So BM... had Gpa move her out of our house and back to the pit.
So... the weekend SD moved out... she left on a Friday and returned on Sunday to get her things. Posting all over facebook how happy she is....to be back with her friends. BM is posting her undying love for her daughter. (Sure..sure... after physically abusing her... now you have undying love.....)
The following weekend, she stayed with BM. No problem.
This weekend, our visitation weekend.... I tell DH... do not be surprised if she does not come. Wednesday rolls around... DH says to me... You realize SD will probably be with us this weekend. I need to call her. I say.... Oh, that's fine sweetie. (Knowing full well, she will not come.) So he calls her.... sure enough, she cancels this weekend with us. Now that is 3 weeks no visitation. I ask him if she is coming... he says... "No... she has a big football game Friday night and then some family thing with her mom on Saturday..." I simply replied... Oh ok.
I feel bad for DH.... but.. he claims he told her... "that's fine... you are a big girl and if you don't want to come, that is fine." She apologized I guess.... and that was the end of the call.
So we are free this weekend again. Nice! I am afraid that he is going to be in a for a rude awakening regarding his visitation this last year til she is 18.
We have been discussing moving to another state where my family lives for several months. His big thing always was... not til SD graduates, because I need my visitation. Well, now that SD is a Senior... he is not getting his visitation. So we are sticking around all year... just in case she decides to come.
I understand this... though... it is frustrating for me. We will do our duty, whether she comes to see us or not. But... he is more than ready to move now that it is obvious that she could care less about us right now.
We will see her, when she needs money.... no doubt. She will want to come for the weekend and bring her "list" of items she needs us to pick up for her. Until then, there will be one excuse after the other.
SD wants us to buy her a car. Should we feel obligated, when the child doesn't call, or even come to see us? She only calls when she wants money.
Help?
This happened with my SS who
This happened with my SS who is now in his 20s. When he went to live with BM, we almost never saw him. He never really hit us up for money back then because BM wanted to act like DH never existed so she took care of everything - Cars & Insurance. We did pay his school tuition because there was no CS since the divorce split up the kids. Now we only see him when he needs money for college since she's paying for everything else except School Expenses. He came asking this past summer for summer semester and then let slip on FB that he was going to Europe. So instead of getting the full amount he was asking for (we had some $$$ set aside for other things but deceided to help out since he's going to graduate with over $40,000 worth of student loans for just 2 years of school) I called the school got the real break down and paid the tution only straight to the school. He was less than thrilled I'm sure but he doesn't have a job but has the latest gadgets & phones and a really nice car that she pays for.
Sorry dude you're old enough to start seeing life for what it really is.
No parent should feel
No parent should feel obligated to buy their children a car - it is a privilege not a right. I would start making plans to move because it does appear that your SD will not be visiting much so why put your life on hold for the whim of a 17 year old. In moving you might actually get to see her for a few days if she had to come and see you - if not she has made this decision and I am sure that her mother is helping her and agreeing with her. The flipside of this is that no teenager really wants to be around their parents when they are seniors - your house basically becomes a crash pad for them at night once all their activities are down for the day. I remember in my senior year I had so much going on I would get home at 10pm - do homework and crash and do it all again the next day.
Yes.. we recognize it for
Yes.. we recognize it for what it is. I warned DH a year ago that it would be this way. He said he would DEMAND she come... but now... he sees what I was saying is coming true... and he has just accepted it.
I don't hold it against her. I understand... its just sad for DH. He realizes that we need to move on with our lives and SD needs to experience hers.
I told him.... there will come a time when all this will slow down and she will be ready to reconnect.
Thanks for the support.