Why in God's name would you give him the house - if you both paid for it and there is not a pre-nup then get half of the house - don't bite off your nose to spite your face. Either sell the house or make him buy out your half - you live an hour away would it not be nice to be able to buy a condo or small house near your job - also if he has debt let him pay off his own debt.

Something does not add up here - has he ever hit you - you sound like an abused woman who is afraid for your life - if that is the situation then you should get out now and not wait - you ask if you should sneak your stuff out when he is not there - that is what an abused woman who is afraid to get her husband upset and you want to live somewhere that is does not know where you are says - are you okay in the situation right now - there are a lot of agencies that can help you. I am a little afraid for you!

Please don't sell yourself short just to "get out." You are entitled to property. If you don't want to live in the house, then a judge will order him to buy you out of it 1/2 the equity which will go a long way in helping you get another place where you want. If he doesn't want to buy you out, then a judge can order a partition of sale. You will still split the proceeds and again, use that money for something else. He is also responsible for half of the debt. PLEASE don't sell out just to get out. It's not worth it in the long run. Just hang in there, get what is rightfully yours and then move on. You will remember what I am telling you years from now and be thankful you did.

I left my ex, who was also verbally abusive, but he never was physically abusive. When I'd decided I'd reached the point of being finished & had no more energy to put into trying to fix our broken marriage, I did tell him. There were things I needed to say to him in order for me to be able to get closure & move on, & I felt it would be unfair for me just to pack & go one day while he was gone. I felt he needed a heads up so he could get things in order on his end, & that way I wasn't rushed to get my things together & be out the door before he got home.

I just told him I'd had enough. I gave my reasons. I said what I needed to say. I answered his questions. It took me about a month to find a new place. We both had sad days & angry days, & believe it or not, we shared a few of those days looking over our pictures & talking about our happy days. But, not one day did I ever question my choice to leave. It was best.

He was prepared for a battle over things. He wanted the TV, the couch, the bedroom furniture, the computer, etc. I talked with several lawyers & because I helped financially while he was in school, they wanted me to sue for alimony. I had no interest in taking his money. I was just ready to be done. I was prepared to take only with what I came with, & that's what I did. The only thing we acquired together that I took was our photos. Just a couple of years ago I went through those & offered him the duplicate copies, & he was appreciative.

Even being the one to leave, I was sad. I'd loved him & didn't want to hurt him, but I couldn't continue to hurt in silence to spare his pain. We didn't talk for about a year, but as feelings began to heal, we reached a point where we can be friendly when we run into each other. He has a child with someone else, but has not been able to function in a successful or long-term relationship since.

Given the information you posted, if you're planning to stay long enough to try to work things out, I would discuss it with him. Let him know what your thoughts are. If he realizes how seriously you're taking it, maybe in turn, he will take it seriously too. In my case, I'm glad I did it the way I did. I feel like I gave us both the opportunity to ask & answer questions of the other. I feel like it was fair to give both of us a chance to figure out what we needed to figure out in order to go our separate ways, & best of all, we were able to part ways on good terms. By the time I moved out, our feelings had processed & the anger had passed. We were both sad to see our marriage end, but by that time we both knew it was best for both of us. I am glad to be able to say that I don't hate my ex.

It sounds like we married the same guy (drinking, verbally abusive). I stuck it out for 13 years because of my children, and when it just couldn't be done anymore, we tried doing it amicably. We even went to counseling after I moved out. He was very cooperative, we filled out our own documents and filed them. He was hoping he could win me back, but it was a day late and a dollar short. When he finally figured out that counseling and pretending to be nice wasn't going to bring me home, he did a total 180 and completely flipped out, no way he was going to amicable now. He hired a lawyer, filed new documents, and fought everything (even asking for spousal support from me, who was a SAHM throughout our marriage). He did everything he could to make it take as long as possible. It was awful, I had a divorce that drug on for nearly 7 years, even tho I asked for absolutely nothing (no SS, no CS, didn't attempt sole custody, let him keep the big house). I gave everything up, even got stuck with bills he accrued long after I left, and actually owed him some cash on top of it. It was a huge mess!

ExH and I had an amicable divorce, if there is such a thing. He was a verbally abusive alcoholic as well. I walked away from a house, all the furniture, everything with the exception of my car (a judge will make sure you have one of your cars, as you have to have transportation to work), my personal belongings, and my pets. I just wanted out, safely. Having said that, I really regret not taking at least some of what was mine, rightfully. I mean, damn, I even left the food dehydrator, since I would have had to put it in storage! After I moved in with my new DH, I regretted that I had left so many little things behind that I KNOW exH doesn't use. I could call him and get them back, as we still speak occasionally, but it means a pain in the ass for both of us. I just wish I had taken more of what was rightfully mine, rather than just think "well, I'm the one initiating the divorce, so I should be nice and let him have this, that, and the other.....including the maple and slate bedroom set he gave me after 7 years of his crap."

If you are truly uncertain of how you husband might react to your leaving, then one option is to leave him a letter, as I did my ex. We were all afraid of how he would react, as he had hit me once before (I'm all of 5'2" and 95lbs). His own mother knew I was leaving him, and she told me to leave him a letter, rather than tell him in person. THAT told me something. I wrote a 9 page letter and left it for him on the couch. My mom and best friend came that morning, we got a UHaul, and had me out in 3 hours. Best decision I ever made. Be safe. Message me if you need someone to talk to or some advice on the leaving. It sounds like you and I were in similar boats.

One side note here: even if he did stop drinking (i.e. got sober) doesn't mean squat. My DH stopped 4 years ago & is MISERABLE! We can't go to parties/out to dinner, etc. b.c. drinking is going on. He resents it (being sober). I never asked him to do it, he did it after a seizure in a 30 day in-patient program. So I have to sugar coat everything & play nice b.c. he might need a "stiff one" if I just speak what's on my mind. LOL. And even sex isn't what is used to be, he's like 1/2 a man w/o the booze. Sad but so true.