Violent & Physically Abusive Deadbeat Stepson
I married an incredible woman whom I very much love and we've been together for 13 years. We have a great relationship and two incredible, well-behaved children; ages 9 & 7.
It's almost a story book marriage/family with one exception...my 19 y/o stepson...He is a violent, physically abusive, out of control, raging psychotic alcoholic. He's also a big boy at 6'1" & over 200lbs. We've given him everything and I've tried to be a great dad & role model...I never fight with my wife or yell at my kids, He's a high school drop-out, arrested on multiple occasions for theft, violence, DUI...
He is incredibly defiant and even the slightest parenting measures can send him into a psychotic rage. When he drinks, violence is a guarantee! He yells and screams violent obscenities at both his mother and I...as well as towards his friends and girlfriends of which most have rightfully abandoned him at this point. He has physically attacked me on multiple occasions and this week I had to take him to the ground and nearly choke him out to control him as he punched me in the face and head multiple times just because his mom asked him if he had been drinking. He even tried to hit me in the head with stainless steel cookware. We've called the police on 4 or 5 occasions, but my wife keeps letting him come back home. My wife is an insatiable enabler because her son is a cancer survivor and she will do anything to protect & support her son. I actually understand and sympathize with her, but now I truly believe he is going to kill or seriously injure one of us! She refuses to abandon her troubled son, but I'm very worried about the safety of our other two children. I've already had to remove the children from our home in the middle of the night and get a hotel room because of these violent rages, but my wife is in denial and thinks he would never hurt them...he was even charged as a minor for punching his now x-girlfriend in the face, but my wife believes it was accidental.
I'm considering divorcing the woman I love to protect my kids, but I'm afraid she'll get at least partial custody in which case my children will still be exposed to this danger, but without my protection. I cannot let that happen! Any advice is welcome!
Kill him. The next time he
Kill him. The next time he threatens you kill him with a gun. No disabling, shoot in the leg crap, you shoot him as best you can in the heart.
Protection order from the court? It's worth the paper its written on. Hold it up the next time he cocks his fist. Hold your cell phone in your other hand while he rips a kids arm off. It'll go viral on the Internet.
In a divorce, with kids of that age, she will get custody. I've got a hundred bucks to bet on that.
Killing him will probably cost you your marriage but your kids will be alive. Your wife may see the light after a few years so stay in touch.
The authorities in our liberal tilting country do not want to interfere with ones civil liberties (although willing to take them away via Homeland Security) and won't take people like this in until they do something violent enough to be jailed. Most of the mental asylums have closed as a result. Then they go bail and hunt down the ones they hurt prompting the jailing. Oh eventually he'll end up behind bars for a few decades but only after he has maimed or killed someone. It's a question of will it be someone in your family or someone else's?
I agree with the others.
I agree with the others. Leave and take the kids. File IMMEDIATELY for full custody and get a restraining order against SS for you and your kids. I understand you wanting to stay with your wife, and maybe doing something this drastic will open her eyes and she will cut ties with him and you guys will be safe. BUT if she does't, your job as those kids father is to protect them. Do your job!
I can kind of understand
I can kind of understand where your wife is coming from as well. But if I were you, I'd ask her what is the good of him surviving cancer if she is going to enable him to drink himself to death? Or get his ass thrown in prison for a good long spell? Or pick a fight with the wrong guy and get killed??
I would also let her know in no uncertain terms that she and you are going to see a counselor who is familiar with addictions and codependent behavior in order for your marriage to continue. And if it doesn't, you plan on fighting with everything you can to make sure the younger kids don't have to put up with the abuse of the out of control older one.
I can kind of understand
I can kind of understand where your wife is coming from as well. But if I were you, I'd ask her what is the good of him surviving cancer if she is going to enable him to drink himself to death? Or get his ass thrown in prison for a good long spell? Or pick a fight with the wrong guy and get killed??
I would also let her know in no uncertain terms that she and you are going to see a counselor who is familiar with addictions and codependent behavior in order for your marriage to continue. And if it doesn't, you plan on fighting with everything you can to make sure the younger kids don't have to put up with the abuse of the out of control older one.
Wow, why are you staying. My
Wow, why are you staying. My SS18, is a handful but never in a million years has he raised a hand to his mother and myself. If that ever happened it would be game over. He goes or I go. You need to step up and do something about this.
A lot of good advice has been
A lot of good advice has been written here. I don't think killing him is good advice, the court plays the wrong way and you are going to be doing hard time. That is some crazy stuff. You definitely need to document what is happening. Even hand written notes are good.
CPS will also remove kids who witness domestic violence or are in a home when domestic violence occurs. The reason for that is that they become traumatized, especially if they are witnessing threats to a primary caretaker. Trauma is serious and it warrants the removal of children.
But maybe you need to call the police and you need to press charges when he hits you. Then file a restraining order. You can call the cops if your wife violates the restraining order and lets him in. That helps you if you end up in a divorce or separation situation. I am sorry for the spot you are in, your wife is co-dependent at this point. You cant change her. So change what you do, stand your ground, protect your kids and hope for the best with your wife. She has to suffer the loss of her child. Sounds like that sweet little boy she once knew no longer exists. It is hard for a mother when her child has mental health issues that manifest later on. It is like losing a child in a sense. Hopefully she can work through that and make the right choices here, to save her other kids, her marriage and herself.
Your duty is to protect your
Your duty is to protect your minor children, your bride, and yourself. Why isn't he in prison on charges that YOU filed. File them. NOW, NOW, NOW, NOW, NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As an additional safety net get an RO or PO and keep him away from your home and your family.
This is not a decision for your wife to make, it is your decision and yours alone. So make it.
My condolences on your SS being such a criminal worthless POS.