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whom to invite ???

pat's picture

Submitted by pat on Sat, 08/14/2010 - 8:04am

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We are making a invite list last night for the wedding to get a head count. Question is, whould you invite your parents and you siblings if they don't like your future wife ? Would that have a effect on uncles and aunts that I invite ?

zuzieq611's picture

Submitted by zuzieq611 on Sat, 08/14/2010 - 8:31am

I wonder if you could reword the invites to say something to the effect of 'If you would like to share our joy on this special occasion' or something said nicely that could actually mean "If your happy for us, love to see ya, if your not, stay home" and then there is always Vegas. This is neither my nor my H's first marriage, so we took all the money that could have gone to paying caterers, florists, tux shops, etc etc etc. and went on a beautiful cruise. She is after all the one you are marrying, start it out stress free.

pat's picture

Submitted by pat on Sat, 08/14/2010 - 8:38am

Zuzie, sounds great, but, we both would like to be married on the beach. She wants to marry her best friend of 36 years and I want to marry her.We don't have stress with each other. It is outside people that throw it our way.

pat's picture

Submitted by pat on Sat, 08/14/2010 - 8:34am

My family never liked her since we were kids. Now that we are in our 40's , they still think of her like that. They never think they ever do anything wrong. My parents and my siblings have said bad things about her behind her back, and still wish I was married to my ex I believe. I told them , my ex treated me like garbage, but, because they still treat my soon to be wife that way, I don't deal with any of them. I love her and she loves me, respects me, and cares more for me then my ex of 13 years ever did. I have tryed to reach out to them on several accounts, but, they really could care less about my happiness. They are not happy for their own son . I know it sounds sad, but, I am going to be happy and don't care what other people feel or think.

Tx mommy of 3's picture

Submitted by Tx mommy of 3 on Sat, 08/14/2010 - 3:19pm

It wouldn't be eloping. Destination weddings are the new thing. Also cruise ships do weddings. Most places have packages and can help you set up for any guests. A friend ofbmine had a destinaion wedding and those who wanted to and could pay went. Then they had a reception at home when they returned for people who couldn't attend the weddig but wanted to show support. That way you could have your beach wedding, invite your family (giving them an easy out if they don't support you).

Besides that though...I just think there are so many negatives about this wedding. Her issues with her own kids, her issues with your kids, then you said she wants to marry her best friend of 30+ years and didn't say the same about her. Weird. I hope it all works out for you though.

pat's picture

Submitted by pat on Sat, 08/14/2010 - 3:41pm

I see there are negatives. She is my best friend and I am hers. That is the point, there are alot of negatives, but all outside. We get along great without all the drama and mess. We just want to be happy together and people just don't or can't see that .

MrsFrustrated's picture

Submitted by MrsFrustrated on Sat, 08/14/2010 - 2:37pm

We did the weddingmoon too, got married on a camping trip and spent 3 weeks camping. We loved it, just us and nature.

Stick's picture

Submitted by Stick on Sat, 08/14/2010 - 2:52pm

Pat - I don't mean to be a downer... but listen to what you are saying and writing. Your entire family - parents and siblings don't like your soon-to-be wife.

Sure, that happens. But in your particular case, I wonder if it is because they see some things as they really are - and not how you wish them to be.

Your sentence quoted here... "I know it sounds sad, but, I am going to be happy and don't care what other people feel or think." sounds more like a defiant teenager rather than a 40-year old man.

I get that family can fall into the ex-trap. I understand that and my DH dealt with that between his parents and his ex for a while.

BUT... this relationship is not steady. Is not on solid ground. I think you both, or at least you, are in love with the whole romanticism of it.

I'm really really not trying to be a downer, but I think you have NOTHING TO LOSE by just seeing a therapist - even for a session or two - to talk about a few things before you make this leap.

And I have to say - don't do this for you or for your FW or for your Ex. DO THIS - SEE A THERAPIST - for ALL OF THE KIDS involved in this relationship. It would be a selfless, not selfish, thing to do, before your proceed.

pat's picture

Submitted by pat on Sat, 08/14/2010 - 3:05pm

I understand what you are saying. My family never admits that they do something wrong. My fw has been nothing but be respectfull to them. I am not a defiant teenager. Things are the way they are because they choose to be that way. Nobody has ever stopped them from being happy for their son or brother. They are very selfish and have never helped me when I needed them. Now , my fw comes to me and makes me very happy and they are not happy for me. Some people are just sad and just don't know how to be happy for someone. Even if I was sad and someone had found that someone special to be with forever, I would be very happy for them if they were a important part of my life. I guess I really don't count. But, I was always there when they needed me. How come they woun't return the same ?

michiel923's picture

Submitted by michiel923 on Tue, 05/31/2011 - 1:32pm

I have a teenage son who seems to feel that the world revolves around him. That people are dispensable when they do not met his needs Thanks for sharing the informative post.
Regards,
Jack - effective discipline