Am I making something out of nothing?
I have noticed ever since I can into SD's life, she was 4 at the time, that whenever we are together she is very clingy and overly affectionate towards her dad. In the beginning I felt like she was competing against me for his attention. I pointed this out to DH and mentioned that when skids were here he needed to have father/daughter time. He agreed and I would go do chores so I wasn't around her at that time.
SD is now 10 and the affection towards her dad, to me has turned more inappropriate. During a camping trip SD opens her tent and tells her dad ..as she strikes a pose in her new training bra "my daddy needs to see me in my bra." I mentioned to him quickly, that is inappropriate, she needs to understand real quick.
DH is tongue tied and falls into the whimpy/guilty parent mode as usual tells daughter to shut the tent and get dressed.
Yesterday we went to the movies, I made sure to sit on far side of DH so SD could sit on the other side of him. During the whole movie she as practically in his lap. Holding his hand, hanging onto his arm, kissing his hand and whispering "I love you".
I noticed on a previous camping trip with my daughter's inlaws, around the campfire that evening, SD(7 at the time) asked if she could sit in my daughter's FIL's lap. He said sure and she climbed in his lap and then sprawled out laying on him, she reached up and wrapped her arm around his neck. She had only met him once about a year earlier and I just felt that she was being way too friendly with a strange male figure.
Am I making something out of nothing or am I seeing red flags jump up. A girl friend of mine once told me that SD is what teen boys call an "attention whore."
I agree with this. Have the
I agree with this. Have the talk now.
I hate to ask but is your
I hate to ask but is your SD's BM a slut? I mean if this is how she sees her mom with every man she comes in contact with them maybe she thinks its is normal. Maybe she thinks is the only way to be around men to make them like you or care for you. I highly doubt that SD has any vile or inappropriate intentions...she probably just doesn't know any better or she has serious rejection issues and is doing what she thinks is "normal" to get the love and attention she craves shes just going about it in an inappropriate way and doesn't even know it. I've known a cpl girls like this and if it can be stopped early then teenage years can be alot less dramatic as it will get worse once she is older.
BM hates men...trashes their
BM hates men...trashes their BD on a daily basis. She basically lets her kids do what they want. See's nothing wrong with letting the TV be the babysitter. My SD has been allowed to watch Hannah Montana and several Disney teen shows since she was 5. There is no regard to how she dresses, at 7 she is wearing clothes from the twin sisters clothing line. One year she her mom bought her a 2 piece bathing suit that was a size 4 when she wore a size 7. I threw it away, it barely fit her. BM is stuck on the "little princess she looks so cute in those clothes."
I had the same issue with my
I had the same issue with my BFs BOY (11)! I couldn't figure it out for awhile. When it was just my BF and his son hanging out, the kid was normal. As a normal boy his age, kid said things like "come on dad, don't kiss me in public, come on dad, get off me, don't hug me. You are embarrassing me." BUT when I was around,the kid was hugging his dad, kissing him, wanting to sit in his lap (he is almost as big as his dad), even kept coming into the bedroom every 5 minutes saying he couldn't sleep until finally BF left me to sleep with his kid in the kid's bed. The kid wasn't happy unless he and dad were snuggled on the couch, or dad rubbing his feet or his back while I sat in the chair alone with the cat 10 feet away. Every time my BF hugged me or kissed me, all we heard was "dad, dad, dad," as the kid made of some reason why he needed something. My BF has the guilty divorced dad complex too, so he saw nothing wrong with kid's behavior, only thought his kid needed him more because he was a bad dad. My BF is very affectionate physically with me. He loves kissing and hugging and holding hands and all physical displays of affection. Here is my non-profesional analysis of what was going on in the boy's mind. I don't think kids who haven't reached puberty understand the difference between romantic/physical affection and any other type of affection. To them, you (the girlfriend or wife) are getting affection and the kid wants it. The kid mimics you to get the attention that dad is giving you. The kid doesn't get that dad is sexually attracted to you and not her (or him) and they want what you are getting. I agree that it seems your SD wants attention, and she has probably noticed her dad admiring your figure...so she shows off her new bra thinking that will bring her the attention too. If she has these insecurities, I agree that this will only get worse. Once she has something to fill out that training bra, and she starts to get the attention she wants by flauting herself in front of boys and men, nothing good will come from that. I don't think dad should ignore or encourage this behavior. He has to sit down and talk to his daughter for her sake. Someone has to teach her that her body isn't to be flaunted and that it isn't a tool to get attention (we all know it is, but a pre-pubescent child doesn't need to know that yet). Your man should figure out what his daughter is afraid of, or missing before she gets herself into serious trouble, and if the issue are deep and serious, counselling is better rather than later. As for my BF's son, I am thankful he is a boy, and as puberty creeps in, he is finally becoming a little less inappropriately affectionate. I think he is realizing that once his buddies catch him sitting on dad's lap and holding his hand, he will never hear the end of it. I think a girl would be much more difficult.
Had the SAME issue with my SD
Had the SAME issue with my SD (8). I remember the EXACT instance when the same situation occurred at the movies! It's like hello I'm competing with a child! I gently brought the subject up to my DH (of course when SD wasn't around) and explained to him that it made me uncomfortable when SD displayed "adult" affection towards DH. Thankfully he was open to my concern and took it seriously. He now tells SD (not in a mean or harsh way) to stop doing something that is inappropriate.
This is a touchy subject because obviously your DH is very ptotective of his daughter... There is a thin line you have to walk, unfortunately.
It may be "normal" hormonal
It may be "normal" hormonal stuff, or it may be excessive. It is hard to say with the early maturation curves that many young women in the US are following.
When I was growing up 12-14 was more in line for the type of behavior you describe from your SS.
I guess this is one of those things where you know inappropriate when you see it.
Good luck.