11 days after marriage and the lies return?
I cannot even begin to express how sick to my stomach I am right now. My husband and I were together for 10 years...yes, 10 years...for years he asked me to marry him, we even have an 8yr old son, but because of his ex-mess I never would. Too many times I heard "she comes first"...ie. his daughter. I stayed only because we basically had no problems unless it involved his daughter and ex...and for our son. We have been through so many ups and downs in 10 years...and for so many of those, I never fully trusted him when it came to his ex and da
About 3 years ago his ex lied to courts, they took him to the cleaners at child support, ruined his credit, which in turn meant our joint credit cards went from 8% interest to 29%...his wages were garnished for months, etc...and at the end, the financial burden caused us to have to sell our house, one that we bought together after 5yrs together of me paying all bills, fixing his credit that had been previously ruined by the ex-witch, etc...There are no words to describe what we went through...I have basically used up about 60K of my 401k just to make ends meet over the last year...After all the lies, his daughter failed school twice, she is a hoochie who posts pics of herself smooching w/every gang banger out there every other week a new one...even a pic of her in a bustier...she just turned 15 last month...All of this has been happening since she was about 12...She is just a liar like her mother, a hoochie like her mother, etc...My husband's CS increased to the extent that he said, "no more extras"...no more gifts...OUR SON has done without, he lost the security of a home, the security of my 401k, everything because of the lies of the ex...My major problem with my husband up until that point was that he would tell me that he had not sent the witch a check with his bank account, and then I would find out he did...or that he did not give her extra money, and then I would find out he did...this went on for years...while I had to pay most bills to make ends meet, using my credit cards, my savings (from prior our relationship) just to pay medical bills for our son and basics for our home...
Well, after all this time, after the whole child support nightmare we have tried to make things work. I have really tried to trust him again. Everytime I would say "but you used to..." he would say, "that's in the past"...
So after all this time, I agree to get married...just the 19th of September...less than 2 weeks ago...and today I find out he sent his daughter money for her birthday...he didn't tell me...I found out on my own...his response "well, I'm a father...I felt bad....it was her birthday..."
I don't give a rats behind what the reason was, he lied to me...we had made an agreement...He sends her mother more money per month for her than our son will EVER see from him...
Right now, I truly want to run away and get a divorce and never see him again...
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IMO Being married does make
IMO Being married does make it different. I think that, even though you have been together, to you being married may mean something that DH doesn't see yet. I think there will definitely be an adjustment period.
I would be mad too, BUT I would take the time (it will probably be 1,000,000 times) to explain to DH exactly how his actions offend you and exactly what you expect from him now that you are married. To me the first year of marriage was very hard and I have read similar things from others. To me it is a much deeper commitment and will take time to define in a way that is right for you.
One more thing I would do to nip this, is make the rule that, even if you have separate accounts like we do, that he needs to give you his money when he gets paid. That is the only way I will be with my DH now because he is equally irresponsible and I just can't take that. There will be things that he must agree to or he is out, in my book.
It will be ok. HUGS
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Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.
William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2How did his ex ruin his
How did his ex ruin his credit? Did she have cards in his name or something?
I'm so confused. Why were you bailing out your boyfriend to the detriment of your son? You weren't married... you didn't have to give him anything. Your income isn't factored into child support so I don't know how his obligation would take away from what YOU could provide for your son.
I am sorry you're hurting. I think you are right to consider walking away. You want him to give them nothing above the court ordered obligation and he will never do that. He won't. He's proven it. Time and again.
I'm sorry to hear he's not a good husband/boyfriend to you. I'm sure there is someone else out there much better suited to your needs.
His ex ruined his credit
His ex ruined his credit because before they were legally divorced, he would pay the credit cards they had together and she continued to purchase more and more on them...because he allowed her to stay in the house (he's an idiot), he was an idiot to think she would actually pay the bills and she never did...by the time she got out of the house, she had a live in boyfriend in HIS house and the house was about to go into foreclosure...Even after she remarried, she continued to keep my boyfriend's last name and took out credit under THEIR name...
As far as my credit? He had no decent credit forever because of the ex...After being together about 5 years, and having a son together, living together, I put his name on my credit cards...that meant I needed his social security number...When his ex lied to the courts telling them he had never paid her child support, the courts ruined his credit...Then because his social/name was on my credit cards, the interest on them increased...
As fas as his child support obligation, if we are living together, if we have a son together and the courts garnish his wages for 5+ months because of the lies of the ex, it was me who had to pay 90% of the bills...he basically had garbage left after the garnishment...plus because of the increased interest on the credit cards, I ended up paying even more for my cards...How could I in good conscience kick him out of the house we bought together, and do that to our son?
He is a good person...I know it sounds weird...but as far as the lies, as far as the ex and daughter, well, he just says "I didn't think about it..."
His check is direct deposit into our joint account...but he takes out an X amount every month into his own account because he's in sales and in the street all day...so he has to have money for gas, food, etc...during the week as he never knows where he will be at...
I honestly didn't expect anything anything more of our marriage than I expected of him for the 10yrs we lived together...It has always been like a marriage without the papers...We have talked about this numerous times, how it will be the same...which makes me wonder what type of commitment he had before...
At this point he has fallen off that pedestal that he was in...I look at him and see a stranger...Our amazing connection has just disappeared as if it was all a dream and I have no idea who this person is...He says he is the same person...I told him that in his eyes he might be the same person, but in my eyes he is a stranger...he is not the person I thought I married...
You're putting a lot of
You're putting a lot of blame on her for doing what he allowed her to do. He could have cut up those cards, taken his name off the house, etc. He got screwed, no doubt, but he let it happen.
And you chose to let him bring you down. I understand why, totally... cause when I'm in a relationship I give 100% even if it's stupid to do so. But come on, he knew what he'd do to your credit and he let you do that anyway. Not really the right thing to do, IMO.
As far as the CS obligation, how could she lie to get it increased? Are you not in a state with a calculator? They legally can't take more than a certain amount of his pay because he has to have money to live himself. Does he have an attorney?
How could you in good conscience kick him out? If you allow yourself, the only financially responsible parent his has, to go bankrupt, you are doing him a disservice. You have to protect him, at all costs. You are the only advocate he has. The only capable one, anyway.
Why is he getting cash? This guy who is showing himself to be so irresponsible should be accountable to you. Receipts for every transaction, documentation for every dime. You guys need to be on a budget. WTH is he doing thinking you are some sugar momma and the money tree is out back growing hundreds? F that.
i thinkk you are a nasty
i thinkk you are a nasty person squill. you havent been on steptalk long and you are a stbxsm??? why the hell are u here? u think you know it all but i think you are just a bitch.
Was this a question? "you
Was this a question? "you havent been on steptalk long and you are a stbxsm?"
"why the hell are u here?"
Because I like it here.
"u think you know it all but i think you are just a bitch."
And?
Was it a lot of money? Or
Was it a lot of money? Or just an average birthday check? And if ya'll weren't married, couldn't you have gotten a child support order on him for your son together? Wouldn't that have affected what he owed BM at least a little?
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
I blame him 100% for being
I blame him 100% for being so stupid to allow the ex-witch to ruin his credit. We have discussed this many times...
As far as him brining me down...here is what happened...While he was alone, she wanted her money through the courts...After we got together, and she knew it was serious, she began constantly harrassing him every single friday if she did not have her money that day...We all know how the CS system works...So everytime he would pick up his daughter we constantly her not just her, but the daughter asking him for the money, although she knew it came out of his check and it was out of his control. She then told him that if he didn't want her harrassing him every Friday, then he needed to begin paying her directly ON THE DAY he got paid. I was against it, but of course, he sided with the witch because he felt that she was putting their child in the middle and he was sick of having to tell a 5yr old that he would talk to the witch or whatever...So, after about 5 years of this, we buy a house together...she is ticked off obviously, and HER NEW HUSBAND owes child support on two cases, they lose their house to foreclosure because she did not want to sell it and have to pay HIS ex's their due child support...so instead, she goes to the Texas Attorney General idiots...and tells them that she wants child support from him and in order to garnish his wages immediately she tells them that HE HAD NEVER PAID HER DIRECTLY...otherwise, it would've taken longer to get his wages garnished...so not only did she get the regular child support from him for months, but 1/2 of "the arrears she claimed he owed"...it took more than 4 months to prove to the idiots in Texas he didn't owe anything...
So at this point, that is why it ruined me also...not because he did anything in particular...he had copies of all checks, etc. to prove to Texas...but they didn't care...they took her word for it and ordered a court date for almost 2 months later and didn't fix the garnishment mess for another few months...
As far as me getting child support, I tried...the idiots in Texas told me that as long as we lived together, I could not get child support...even if we were not married...aholes they are...
As far as how much he sent, it's really irrelevant to me...I am angry that he lied. Yes, the money is ridiculous when she already gets more than enough...she has ipods, laptops, Hollister clothing, goes to the movies every weekend, she goes to the salon to get nails and HAIR DYED (she just turned 15 two weeks ago), etc...and he had promised that from now on he would not send her anything extra...It is the lie I am so upset about...
I got so sick last night that I lost it...I told him, well, you want to see your daughter, you want to be a father? He claimed that he's only done it once, because if he did it everytime she asked him for money, he'd be broke...which goes back to the witch and how they don't want any communication between them except through text messages asking for money...that's it...
I showed him all the pictures on the internet of her french kissing with every disgusting gang banger out there...in her bustier...she looks like a hooker...she is 15...she is in 7th grade!!! I told him that I'm sure she would be thrilled to receive the money to get another bustier to look like the tramp she seems to be on the pictures...His jaw just dropped...he said nothing...I just don't care anymore...
Idiot? Stupid? Well why
Idiot? Stupid? Well why did you marry him?
29% interest? I hope you're not charging anything - in fact don't even have a card to use. Cut all of them up.
It is a small lie but it certainly is enough to earn your distrust. Tell him if he wants to keep this marriage intact he brings his paycheck home to you. He gets an allowance each week and he can spend or save it anyway he wishes. No questions and no explanations needed.
It will be difficult for many males but not all, to do that. If he can't then you'll have to consider your alternatives.
Your husband and his ex
Your husband and his ex sound like the;re made for each other.The're both liars.What makes his daughter so much more entitled than your son.He treats you more like his safety net than his wife.Cut your losses and get out of that situation ASAP!!!!