A story about me...a bit long...but condensed...

For the last 12yrs I have dealt with the craziness of an ex, in-laws, skid that is beyond belief...I too have a "great" and "sweet" DH, whom I love very much. Almost 10yrs ago I became pregnant, while I was in the process of calling it quits. It was an oops because I had been told I had a tumor in my pituitary gland that would never allow me to become pregnant. When I found out I was pregnant, I was not happy. Not because I wouldn't love my baby, but because my plan was to leave. My DH was very excited and so was everyone around us. I decided to stay in the hopes that things would get better. I am here to say that 10yrs later, things are not much better...but my soul, my finances, and everything else that made me so successful before are now gone. Not things that made me a millionaire, but things that gave me security.

The first years it was the constant fight of DH giving in to BMs request for more money & extras. Then even after our son was born, he did these things. While I basically supported our household...paid MY mortgage in full, had good credit, paid for everything for my son, myself & DH...When I was short on cash I would ask for money for milk...but he never had any...he always did seem to find the money when the crazy witch or skid needed it.

Then we moved out of the country. I had finally gotten to a place financially that I thought we could make it. I helped my DH find a better job. I paid for his CS while he was out of a job. It seemed things would finally turn around when my son was 3. By age5, it was downhill again. BM lied to courts saying DH had never paid CS, they garnished his wages, ruined his credit, our joint credit cards where hit with outrageous interest rates, etc. DH of course was the "victim" in all of this...My son was diagnosed with autism.

During this time I worked full time (a job I had had for 15yrs), had a 401k of over 100K, no debt except mortgage and car, savings, etc...Because of the financial hit from the crazy witch, we were forced to sell our home and move again. I did, as I thought maybe this would help ease the financial strain and help us make it.

Two years later I had no job. I had to take care of our son full-time and had to spend almost 1/2 of my 401K making ends meet. I do not go to get my nails done at salons, or get my hair dyed, I have 2 purses both of which are about 12yrs old, I have maybe 3 nice dresses and the jeans I have I bought at Costco over 3yrs ago. I do not overspend.

My DHs income went down over 35K after CS was increased by crazy...he works in sales...bad economy=bad sales...he was still top performer in his division, but not the same income. I attempted to get him to re-file for a reduction, but no luck. He has claimed he tried but they always told him no.

After two years of that he told me if we moved back to where we were before, he could make more money...THEN he could take care of me...but that it was I that wanted to move and the reason his income had decreased. I agreed to move. By this time, most of our financial problems caused by crazy had been fixed...although mostly due to my 401k...but I saw it as worth it for a fresh start.

Last year we moved. It was a nightmare. For months I had no cell signal or internet. He ignored paying bills, he never budgeted anything, etc...there were weeks were we literally had 20USD in our checking account and no food in our pantry. This even though I was still taking out money out of my 401K. When there was money, he'd buy lots of meat, steaks, etc...and invite his crazy family to eat...when we didn't have money for food, they would offer us white rice and a chicken wing...Our cars that we bought for 5-6K each, we now owe more for...because he was too busy to keep track of insurance, make payments, etc...so they tacked on additional income, refinanced them at higher rates, etc...we are deeper in the hole.

3 Months ago I got what seemed like an insect bite. It was stap (ie. MRSA). I was in the hospital for a week on very strong medication. I continuously told him he needed to help me clean the house, etc...because I didn't want to get sick again...I didn't want my son sick...He did sometimes and others complained that I asked for too much. This while living in an apartment, this while him never paying the bills, letting our credit go down the hole, wasting money every single day without even looking to see how much money we had in the bank, etc...

When I left the hospital I told myself "no more...he couldn't take care of me before, and the stress of this crazy life has destroyed my immune system"...He promised he would do what he could...my son now 9 of course doesn't understand mom's frustration and instead tells me to "leave his daddy alone". Well, here I am again with MRSA in my body. Taking medication which makes me very sick...When I am not sick, I wake up at least an hour before DH and clean ALL DAY long, in addition to homeschooling my child and cooking for him...Once again, now that I am sick, he complains that I expect too much.

Now I want to leave...I am tired...I am weak...I worry that if I stay my son will get sick also, I worry that if I stay he will not truly be there for me when I am sick...he will however make everyone around us believe that "he takes financial responsibility for us, that his wife is a stay-at-home homeschooling mom, etc"...but I have no more 401K. My credit is ruined. I have so much debt I don't know how I can possible pay it off. No, we didn't go on nice trips with the money, we didn't get expensive cars...we paid for therapies for our son (which didn't last long) and paid medical bills...

My DH seems to still be the "victim" in all of this...and I now face the possibility of not recuperating from this nasty MRSA and not being able to be there 100% for my 9yr old autistic son. The one I saved thousands over my career to ensure I could take care of...

I leave you with this...

"In Germany, they came first for the Communists,
And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist;
And then they came for the trade unionists,
And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist;
And then they came for the Jews,
And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew;
And then . . . they came for me . . .
And by that time there was no one left to speak up."

Martin Niemöller

And if you may wonder why this has anything to do with me, I will tell you. You see, when the mess impacted me just a little, ie. crazy witch, I accepted his excuses of not his fault...then it impacted my son, and I made up excuses that his daddy loved him and was best if he was around than any money he could provide...and then it hurt me financially, and again I thought no money was worth my son being in a home with mom & dad...but now it's hit my health. Now, I may make it through this MRSA, but my weakened immune system from years of stress might give up...and I won't be there for my son...and because I did NOT demand it to stop or do anything to leave, now I am left with a mess and not many choices...

Please, please, please...move on if you are thinking about it. Do NOT move on if your only problem is your DH likes you in heels and you like flats...or your DH loves purple and you like orange...but if the ex, in-laws, lack of concern for YOUR financial future, for YOUR sanity, etc...are an issue, please take a good look and know that you will mostly hear of the ones who "stayed around"...because those people are still here...but many others have said "enough is enough"!" and moved on...and now have better lives.

Bless each one of you. And I'm sorry this was so long.