BM has crossed that line for the last time.
OK, need everyone help on this one.
BM and sd14 live in IL and we live in MO. DH up until November worked in the state of IL and would pick up SD14 on Friday evenings of our weekend. We finally got BM to meet him half way on Sunday to pick up SD14 shortly after we were married a year and half ago.
DH got laid off at the end of November and BM mother has been meeting us half way on both nights after he basically told her she would do it or else we would go back to court. Told her she is working and he is not. BM has continued to get her CS (with the help of my overtime and his unemployment).
Well this past Friday night he called her to see if they where on the metro link train and she told him, I am not bringing her half way. "Your daughter is sitting here with her back pack waiting for "her daddy" to pick her up". Now that she got her money, she has moved to a new level of "bitch".
His divorce decree doesn't not stat the pick up or drop off conditions. It does state the time he has to and from. We even drop her off 6 hours earlier on Sunday so she can attend church at the request of the BM not the sd14.
My questions is: Do we need a lawyer to modify decree
Do we even stand a chance with a judge modifing it to DH to drive to IL on friday to pick up sd14 and BM mother comes to missouri to pick up sd14 on Sunday. (BM has never even been to our house).
If we do stand a better chance with an attorney, request she pays half of our legal fees and she retains her own attorney. (she used DH attorney in divorce and he let her, ugh)
Request that she retake the parent first class that is mandatory in the state of IL for all divorce parents. Since she is using SD14 to get back at DH.
And should we wait until the next time she refuses to bring her half way or just go ahead and take action now.
I will not let her continue to dictate our relationship with my sd14 and want to get even (legally) any suggestions would help me greatly.
we got a lawyer,
as DH's decree did not say anything about transportation, and he was doing all of the driving. When we moved a few towns away, we asked BM to share in the driving, she of course refused, so we had to take her to court. The judge agreed that the transportation should be shared, and was not happy w/ BM as she was going to use this to with hold visitation from DH. BM was mad that she had to do 50/50 driving time. So mad in fact, that we had to do drop off's and pick up's at public locations, as BM started making scenes at our home, and I told her she was no longer allowed to come there. It was my house too, so I felt I had the right. ~ Leave out all the rest~
good to know BM
doesn't always win. With DH being unemployed I am hoping expense won't be to bad with an attorney.
You probably don't want to hear this
But my thought is if you moved away, you should do the driving. XH gets the kids EOW and provides no financial support for them at all. He lives in the same town I work in and I commute 2 hours a day. He wanted me to drive home an hour on Fridays, get the kids and drive back a half hour to meet him half way. Repeat the meet half way scenario on Sundays. My argument was that it was his choice to move, I don't get much time to myself since he only gets them EOW, I already support them completely and shouldn't have to use my time and gas to accomodate HIS choice to move away. I have no problem offering occasionally if the situation calls for it, or if I have to be near him for some reason anyway, but I don't think it should be expected. I already have to drive them to every ball game, school play, dance class, and so on. His ONLY parenting responsibility is to pick them up on Fridays and play until Sunday. Just my opinion and I don't know what your situation is, but you might want to look at it from her point of view.
I agree to a certain point.
DH financially support SD14 and shares the responsibilty on driving to and from extra activties of SD14. L
wow serena
that is alot of work on your part. Your Ex should consider himself lucky. Our BM had several DUI's and had lost her DL for a while, so my DH had to do all of the driving, including all the activities that BM would sign them up for, w/o consulting him, and getting him to pay half for in addition to all the CS she got. When she finally got her DL back, we tried to get her to do some of the driving, and no dice. Then the gas prices started to climb....you all remember that.......and then we moved a whopping 20 min. north of her, and she still would not help, and said we could not see the skids if we did not do all the driving, so off to court we went, and won. In our case, it needed to be done, it was not alot to ask. In your case though.....I would not move an inch.....you have already gone so far.
"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand."~ Randy Pausch
You need to take action...if
You cannot do it based on health, financial, and other issues that make it extremely impossible for you from picking SD up. I understand both sides, because I have been on both sides. I tend to agree with Serena that if you all moved away from SD, then he needs to make 'seeing her' happen. However, BM needs to be understanding do especially if time doesn't allow. Now, if you guys can't make it happen in a civilized matter - then take the matter to court and adjust the order. I'm from a divorced family, and my dad moved up to Chicago to be closer to use girls. He got the order adjusted from once in the summer (when he drove up to get us for the summer) to every other weekend where he drove up and got us and dropped us off each weekend. Now when I make that trip, I appreciate the love my father had for me to come up take us back to his house and drop us off everyweekend. So, I know it is tough for you guys right now, but I would try to make it work, and take the animocity out of the equation.
we can base
it on financial situation right now with DH being unemployed. BM has the time she is just doing everything in her power to get back at me. I have done my best to be civilized, both of us have. Cause I don't agree with putting SD14 in the middle of anything. I just feel she is the one who is causing SD14 to be in the middle by telling her "Guess you daddy don't want to see you then". Wish BM would just be fair.
Yeah, thats wrong..
Especially when you had an arrangement in the begining. And for her to use that as a pawn to make SD angry, that is wrong.. Its like the "games are begining".
I would go back to court
I think the BM would be in some heat for withholding visitation becuz of this. And if I were you, I would return SD at scheduled time-not 6 hrs early for chirch. Maybe you could take her to church?
re:
That was the real issue w/ us :TIME. If my DH had continued to do all the driving, he would be late to work ALOT, or late dropping them off. I was driving them around to help everyone out, but as my pregnancy progressed, and BM's additude got way out of line, I stopped. I felt it was up to the both of them to make it work. It was silly that it took going to court to do it. "We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand."~ Randy Pausch
One thing that I agree is unacceptable
is that she didn't even have the decency to tell you she wasn't bringing her. That's ridiculous! I do hope you can work something out. It ticks me off when these crazy mom's drag the kids into it.
Going to court
Is the only way things will work out. Hate to admit it but we have tried to be civil and that hasn't worked.
And to think I have 4 more years of having to to deal with BM.
I'm sorry, that stinks!
I only have 10 years to go. Unless you count college, then I have FOURTEEN YEARS! Holy Cow, I'll never make it. If I make it to the summer, it'll be a frigging miracle!
WOW didn't
factor in college.
8 years to go. Thinking I need to take up boxing!! ;);-)
Our court documents specify exactly this
Only in our situation, BM moved an hour away. SD15 now lives with BM, and court ordered that DH has to pick SD up on Friday and BM has to pick her up Sunday. In other words, the parent who wants her has to go get her. Before, BM made DH pick SD15 up Friday AND return her Sunday.
Our Judgement states clearly ........
"Each party shall be responsible to provide transportation to bring the minor child from the child's location to party's location".
That seems to be pretty standard. If transportation responsibility is not defined in your Judgement then I would file a request for ammendment to get the above inserted in your Judgement.
Depending on your County you may not need a lawyer.
Good luck and best regards,
Get a lawyer to clear this up
and see if you can get it in black and white, on paper, that everyone has to do 1/2 of the driving and specify a meeting place halfway. I don't know if you guys will win, though, because you moved out of state. I would talk to a lawyer to see what your options are. I know that there are some attorneys that offer less expensive advice online. Best of luck.
I did this is exact same thing!
My BF custody arrangement was very vague and the BM used it as a manipulation tool. Our lives were in constant flux b/c of it. Get an attorney, but don't file for a modification!!!! It is expensive. Simply ask for the court to interpret the visitation schedule. This is much simpler and they typically go to the standard guidelines which are fair. Also look for ways to use the existing one to make it inconvenient for BM and use your own interpretation against her. Play her game back. When she is uncomfortable and you are at mediation - the court will require you to go to mediation when you file -and work things out. It took almost a year, but we got a better agreement than what the BF was even looking to get in the first place. It ended up costing around $3,000, but it was worth ever penny for the peace of mind we have now. She can't screw with us at all. Ironically at this point if we decided we are going on vacation we can just miss a visitation. However since she has primary and has to supply the kids at all times, she is in contempt of court if she doesn't provide them every time.
Also - File for Temporary Relief of Child Support
Look into this. His child support should be a portion of his unemployment. It should not require your income at all. File quickly because you will be responsible for everything at the normal amount prior to filing. You should be able to do this without an attorney and get the forms from your county courthouse.