Nitpicking
We have been accused by BM and her attorney of nitpicking every time we turn around. I am sick of it. DH has a crappy standard visitation schedule that allows him the absolute minimum time with SD8 required by law. Even though the decree states "additional visitation per agreement by both parties" BM will not agree to anything. As a matter of fact, DH had to be out of town for one of his weekend visitation periods. He notified BM more than a month in advance and asked that she pick any weekend of her choosing to trade for the weekend he had to miss, she would not allow him to make up the weekend. Now the Holidays are here and she has decided to interpret the visitation schedule to her benefit, as usual.
The visitation schedule states that BM is to have Christmas Eve with SD8 as follows: "8 am the morning following the day school is released until 9 pm on Christmas Eve." We have no problem with that. However, SD8's school is released on Friday and this weekend is DH's scheduled weekend visitation. Which means DH has the right to pick SD8 up on Friday evening and BM can have her the following morning at 8 am. BM says absolutely not. Because this is the year DH gets more Holiday time with SD8 she doesn't think he has the right to also have this night with her. And before you say we are being petty or nitpicking, let me tell you that DH has gone 4 weeks without seeing SD8 on two occasions over the past three months because of the Holiday schedule but also because BM refused to reschedule the weekend DH had to be out of town. So we refuse to sit back and get walked over again. And more importantly, SD8 has the right to spend time with her Dad without interference. Isn't that what the visitation schedule is supposed to be about?
So we will go to BM's house on Friday to pick up SD8 for the night and she will not be there. Yes, we've been here before. In the past we've let it go - as a sign of "playing nice." But no more. We will file a contempt charge this time. We will. And if our attorney tries to talk us out of it, we will hire a new attorney.
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Sorry but the way it reads
Sorry but the way it reads she does get sd for that time. It may not be morally right if she keeps her away from her dad. However the way it reads bm has the right to keep sd and it is not contempt. It may be his normal weekend time but holiday time over rides that. Been there done that for 10 years now and experience tells me that she is with in her rights legally to keep sd.
Purple daisies, BM's Holiday
Purple daisies, BM's Holiday time doesn't begin until 8 am on Saturday so I disagree. Unfortunately, visitation schedules are so poorly written that it's left open to interpretation and of course both sides interpret whatever is in their favor. And Katrinkle2, S8D isn't old enough or mature enough to know what's best for her and she needs an influence in her life outside of her psychotic mother so we aren't ready to let her go just yet.
Actually, it is rare. This is
Actually, it is rare. This is the one and only time he has ever been out of town for one of his weekends and he asked her to pick any weekend she wanted to swap and more than a month in advance. I think that's more than reasonable. I guess it is too much for me to expect us all to act like adults. My ex and I work out our own visitation schedule based upon work schedules, family events, school events, etc. We communicate very well and my kids have a very healthy relationship with both of their parents. They see the unreasonable and petty behavior from BM and they tell me all the time how lucky they are to have parents who don't act like that. So I'm sorry, but I absolutely don't agree with you. We, as mothers, chose to have a child(ren) with a father we no longer have a relationship with. Why should our children suffer by sitting back and watching their parents refuse to share?
My DD has the same problem.
My DD has the same problem. The Holiday schedule state that they alternate the weekend before Halloween. Halloween itself is not addressed. Just the weekend. Previously Loserdad co-operated and they shared Halloween. Whoever was on the off week would get GD for a couple hours. This worked out just fine.
However Loserdad has found a gf and she has twin girls. So getting all 3 together to play happy families is the rule of the day. So this year Loserdad got GD the weekend before Halloween from the Friday night for the next 10 nights. And no, they didn't want GD to spend a couple hours with DD and her S/Dad and half-brother.
It sucks and it hurts. They then informed DD that Loserdad was was taking his allocated 3 weeks vacation-time between TGiving and Christmas. This is the first week DD has had GD overnight for 3 weeks. Luckily DD visited GD at school for lunch. And GD was in school the ENTIRE time. He doesn't take her in summer when he can plan time off work or even take a week off to spend time with her. No, she was in school the entire time.
DD knows he does this because the parenting plan says so and he can get away with it. But it certainly doesn't help GD. It only is a control issue.
Ok I reread it and yes it
Ok I reread it and yes it does sound as if your dh does have her after school til 8 am the next morning. With that said in my opinion I'd go to the school to get her if I really wanted her. But in the future I would go by the court order and nothing more or less. Bm is not being a nice person and the only thing you can do is go by the co. I wouldn't try to trade weekends with her or anything. She is being too difficult.
And no I wouldn't try to rearrange my weekends with my kids for their dads work schedule either. I would have plans as it is set up that way for a reason. But I'd let it go it's not even 24 hours.
Actually, it's 14 hours and
Actually, it's 14 hours and because DH gets so little visitation with SD, letting go is not something DH would even consider. It's his time. And since you stated you would not rearrange weekends with your ex because you already have plans, what makes you think my DH doesn't have plans for his scheduled 14 hours as it is set up that way for a reason. You're not willing to give up your time with your kids. Why should DH give up his? Because he's the non-custodial parent and its only 14 hours? I can tell you from experience that 14 hours means a lot more to a non-custodial parent than a custodial parent. And I'm sure there are parents right now in Newtown who would give anything for 14 hours with their children. It's all about perspective.
Can I say how discouraged I
Can I say how discouraged I am to see so many of you state that you wouldn't swap weekends with your exes for valid reasons? I am the custodial parent of my kids and I want my children to spend time with their dad. It's not my kids fault we couldn't make our marriage work. And because I am the custodial parent, I see my kids so much more than my ex. So if he has to work on one of his weekends or would like to take them somewhere on one of my weekends, I could never say to him "so sorry, that's not what the court order states. You need to rearrange your life around what some stranger in a robe tells us is best for our kids". He's their dad!!! He loves them as much as I do. He is as much a part of them as I am. And if the roles were reversed, how would you feel if your exes told you that you couldn't see your kids because you couldn't rearrange your schedule? As a mother, I am shocked at the efforts we go to as parents to teach our children to share their toys, even their favorite ones. Then we divorce and allow our bitterness, selfishness, vengeance (or whatever drives such behavior) and not follow our own teachings.