Rant about lazy SD

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I am writing this here because I am seriously about to take it out on my husband. Just need to rant/vent.

We got the tornado that hit Kansas City (just three blocks from our house) Thursday. We lost about nine trees in the yard but thankfully our house and other personal belongings (including children) were fine.

Friday, BM conveniently picked SD up from school. Thus, she didn't have to come home and help my husband (who had been cutting up trees and hauling off branches and wood since 9 am), BD1's godfather (who came voluntarily to help), my father (who is late 60s), our neighbor and his son, and me. Fine, whatever.

Monday rolls around and husband took some additional time off from work to clean up the yard. I come home at 6 pm, he's outside working, SD15 is on her ASS in front of the TV. Why doesn't he expect her to help?! I even had BD4 out there helping me (picking up sticks and taking them to the brush pile in front of the house) Saturday and Sunday.

Now this comes on the heels of the fact that SD is supposed to wash towels but I have no clean dishrags. SD is supposed to vacuum downstairs but hasn't done it for two weeks and it is filthy. SD is supposed to clean her bathroom but hasn't touched it for two months and it is even more filty. SD is supposed to change her sheets but hasn't done that for six months (not exaggerating, at all) and they are almost walking on their own.

The only way for me to get these things done is to nag my husband (because I'm not "allowed" to tell SD what to do because it always ends up a fight). But if I say anything to him I get the "You are so mean to my child" reaction.

AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Wonder if you get the 4 yr

Wonder if you get the 4 yr old out there helping again today, ask dh if he can ask SD to come out and help as well, seeing as how this is bd4's 3rd day helping out!!

See what he says. How can he say no when the TODDLER is helping.

The sheets

My SD never changes her sheets either. I've stopped even asking about. The most I do is occassionally make a comment about how many bugs must be living in her sheets. She apparently doesn't care.

Its so hard. My DH tells me I just have to remind myself she's not my child. That's all well and good for some problems - like when she doesn't do her homework properly, for example. But when I'm cleaning up the dishes she left all over the living room, then the "she's not my child" mantra pisses me off even more, because why the hell am I cleaning up after her?

grrrr.

i feel your pain.

Since he's big on the "she's not your child thing"

Mention to him that HE is her dad and that you're not the mom so that being the case he needs to get his ass in there and clean up after her.

Ha! I've told him that

I've told him that if SD doesn't do her chores, someone else has to do them and that it won't be me. So, eventually, he has her do them, but it takes constant pushing from me so then he resents me. But I've told him that BDs 4 and 1 shouldn't have to live in filth just because he's too "scared" to stand up to a child. He often does chores FOR SD because I have bitched and he's too whipped (by her) to make her do it. That makes me mad too because then he's "too tired" to help me with other things around the house. So sometimes it backfires.

thats unreal

..maybe you could ask bd4 to ask bd15 if she could help? do they get along?...the situation would drive me nuts...

Rant about lazy 25yr old SS

My SS is 25. He lives with us and does absolutely nothing to help out at home. When he is home he just eats and lays on his bed and watches TV. He helps himself to what ever is in the fridge that he doesnt have to cook. When he does cook, its always fried eggs and potatoes. He does have a job. But he spends his money playing pool or drinking. They guy also smells. If you walk by his room, the funk is oozing through the door. The only thing he cleans is his room (which is always smelly and dirty). When he eats in his room, he leaves the dirty dishes under the bed for god knows how long. SS also stole a box of alcohol and has not replaced it. My wife and I gave him a car that he does not take care of. Something is always wrong with it. He has to bum rides in order to get to work. Sometimes he rides his bike. Car has not been registered or smoged since 2006. He has not gotten a license in our state since he moved here in 2005. He also got a DUI. He acts like he is fat and lazy. He also looks fat and lazy. I could go on and on.

My wife cleans up his bathroom. From what I see, he has does not have to do anything. Its kinda odd, we are always telling our younger ones to clean and do the right thing (13 girl, 3 boy). My wife does not seem to mind that the older one is lazy. I am pretty fed up with this dude. Don't know how I can help him because when I bring up the subject of SS to my wife it ends up in an arguement. I know the answer is communication with wife. On the other hand I know if I bring it something up, my wife will tell me I'm making a big deal out of it and then we argue.

OMG!

My husband is the EXACT same way. I soooooooooo feel your pain! Why are they so afraid to stand up to these kids???? It makes me F-ING sick! I'm sorry....I could go off on this all friggin day because I am in a MOOD about this kind of crap and may possibly even file for divorce over it because I've had it. So I'll shut up now. But MAN, does my blood boil when I read this stuff because it DRIVES ME CRAZY!

First of all...

I am so relieved for you that you only lost trees and not something more precious.

Secondly, I would tell DH that if SD can't lift a finger for the external tornado, then she needs to take care of the internal one she creates in the house.

And here's my final, but most important suggestion. Surely there are people who lost a lot more, even lives in that horrific tornado. I would tell DH that once your trees are done, or done enough to put off later, that the whole family is going to volunteer to help those who lost everything. INCLUDING SD. This is an incredible opportunity to teach gratitude. And even if SD seems disinterested, if you can convince DH to get her there, she will be forever changed by the experience of serving and helping someone else. Especially someone who wasn't as lucky as her family was.

“I never gave away anything without wishing I had kept it; nor kept it without wishing I had given it away.” ~Louise Brooks

I am fighting a losing battle

I totally appreciate all the suggestions. If this were my BD, I would implement them. But husband would never hear of it with precious SD.

In fact, last night, instead of expecting SD to help out in the yard or do any work around the house, he let her run with her friends, then spend the rest of the evening on the computer.

He just doesn't get it!

I cannot...

express to you enough how much I feel your pain. I am in the exact same predicament. Every day. In fact, lately I hate even going home from work at the end of the day. The only thing that keeps me going is my 3 year old daughter...light of my life, she is!

But they DON'T get it, and as time goes on I don't think they ever will.

BTW...I didn't mean to sound insensitive by ranting right back at you. I'm truly glad that no one in your family was hurt in the tornado. Ranting is, I guess, just a kneejerk reaction for me these days. Not a good habit.

I would let him know that he

I would let him know that he is doing a great bang up job of raising a narsistic child. That his child will have no empathy as she continues to develop, and that she will be unable to properly care for herself in the future. That any grandchildren she has for him will most likely be negelcted since she only seems concerned w/herself.

I cant tell you how peeved I am for you.. This would totally make me insane. My skids barely put their plates in the sink.. they have to be told to. When they clean their rooms, they dont clean, they shove all the crap into a corner.. that is cleaning in their eyes. I thank god every day that we only have them EOW.

Even more disgusted today

Does anyone know of a case where a woman divorced her husband just because he was such a moron?!

Last night a woman who my husband and I both know came over with her 14 year old son. They heard we'd had the tornado and had a bunch of trees down and wanted to help out. Isn't that sweet?!

Well, SD15 was there and what did she do? Sit on her butt in front of the computer the entire time they were there. Never lifted a finger to help out. BD4 went out and joined right in (until she got hit in the face with a log and came inside with a bloody nose).

I finally said something to husband after they left about how it would have been "nice" if "someone" had helped out. He said, "Yeah, it would." But he said, "You're never going to change that kid." I said, "That doesn't mean you don't have expectations."

I am so furious. What kind of example does that show for people who help you out that you can't even meet them halfway?

OMG.. I would be MORTIFIED

OMG.. I would be MORTIFIED that this friend and her child were helping out in your yard and DH couldnt be bothered to tell his self absorbed, lazy daughter to help.

I would be FURIOUS w/dh.. You are totally justified in asking that question. OMG.

I wonder if your friend will say something to your dh about how lazy his daughter is. I mean.. REALLY!.

I am so sorry that you have to endure this laziness. I would have ordered her @ss out of the house. I would have hit the remote and unplugged the cable, the computer and anything else distracting.

That's a good idea

Frustrated! Elizabeth is there anyone else that could speak with your DH about his daughter? Sometimes if it comes from someone other than a spouse DH's will actually hear it. It's sad but sometimes that's what it's going to take. Does anyone else close to you and DH notice her behavior as well?

Everyone sees it but him

Problem is, most of them do not feel comfortable enough expressing their opinions about his lack of parenting ability. He does not react well to it. My BD4's godmother laid it on the line for him one time (she was tired of SD's crappy attitude and his constant compensation/making excuses, plus she has a stepdad she LOVES and didn't approve of how my husband lets SD treat me). He likes and respects her, but it basically went in one ear and out the other. He just excused it as "She doesn't know SD like I do" and continued to do exactly as he wished. Mr. Oblivious.

Hi,

I have the same problem with my SD but, what I do when she leaves if I return home on Monday and find anything of her's laying around I call my boyfriend to her room or wherever the item may be, and I tell him since your daughter is not here to pick it up, it now becomes your responsibility. I tell my boyfriend if you don't like it be sure to tell your child to pick up before she leaves this house because, I am sure she find her room and items neat.
The other thing I have explained to my SD is that me and her father work 5 days a week, 40+ hours we don't need extra work at home so, the cooperation is appreciated.

Rant about Lazy SD

Hi,

haha!

The cooperation is appreciated!! Man, I must be jaded. I can't even imagine saying that to my SD.

SD lives with me and DH. She doesn't lift a finger without a fight. I'm sick to death of it. I get so pissed off....here I am, 6 months pregnant, mopping the kitchen floor while SD sits on her but munching on junk food staring at the tv.

But in order to get SD to help, its is (i am not exagerrating) at least a 2 hour fight which will include screaming, door slamming, tears, and laments about how "i wish i lived at my mom's house." its just not worth it.

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Rant about lazy SD