Well, we went to the counselor, and this time together (a different one than he saw alone, someone highly recommended by our pediatrician/friend and a couple of couples we know and trust.) She was a lovely woman, calming and very fair. She suggested a few more visits when I joked, "Are we cured yet?" LOL.

Anyway, as good as I felt about it, I'm a little resentful of the money we've had to spend because my husband needed someone other than me to tell him: 1) You MUST discuss all dilemmas, money issues, and plans for short trips with your wife before making a decision, 2) You are enabling your ADULT children by not making them remotely responsible for themselves, 3) You MUST be a united front with your wife on ALL parenting issues - with respect to your children together and your adult children.

Basically, he was told that to put me in the position he did regarding his DD's plans to move out (when it was a lie) was just not responsible...To allow his adult children ever to disrespect me w/o defending me was not right, nor would it be right to allow our sons to do the same.

For me, I was just told that it was the right thing to do to allow her to live w/ us on a temporary basis. Like I thought, any discussions regarding a move out date and obligations around the house should have been done w/ the three of us present and from the start. And, the counselor feels a July 1 deadline for SD to gain independence is a good target. We'll see what happens...

It was certainly a step in the right direction. We have many, many issues that have taken their toll on my feelings towards my husband. I don't know if I'll ever get back to where I was in my heart, but I do think this therapy is a good idea - I'm just angry that despite our money woes, we need to pay for someone to tell DH that he shouldn't lie/deceive me and that continuing to pour money into adults who have been afforded every opportunity in life to succeed on their own is just not helping them...esp. when we didn't have property tax money and had to borrow it last month for our fire-damaged office building...

Dana