I did happen to get the stuff straightened out with my certification and it looks like I will get what I worked so hard for. The state is helping me with it all. Thank God.

As far as SD's birthday, it went by without incident. No calls from her and no calls from us. The next day I felt so much better and I realized what my issue really was that was bothering me that day. Having it be her birthday left that day open for her to try and make contact and possible mess our little day up again. I learned its 2 things that have been bothering me all along in this disengagement.

1. the fear of her coming back into our lives and that fear was heightened since it was her birthday and I am sure she would want money.

2. The guilt I have because I even though I did love her, have grown to hate who she is today and for that I felt guilty because its DH's daughter and when I married him I knew he came with children and therefore I went head over heals into this family with complete acceptance.

DH told me to "scratch both of those out of your head" He again reassured me that it isn't going to ever be a thing where she shows up and is all nice and he just lets her into our home, it will be a long time of proving she has changed before she is welcome in our home.

So that brings me to counseling. I had my first session (decided to go back but chose a different counselor) with a Christian counselor that was recommended by my pastor. All I have to say is I love her already. I really feel she will help me. She says we are going to work on emotionally detaching me from SD19. Being a Christian counselor she even mentioned that she hates using the word but in this case she will, that SD19 is just too toxic for me! I for the first time felt like this counselor will be able to help me. She is using the cognitive behavioral therapy on me and she explained it in a way that I understand.

So anyways last week sucked big time with all that was going on BUT this week is much brighter. It also helps that I made a good friend. I love this site! Learning so much. I wish I would have known about this site years ago.