Stupid evil ex wife
Hey everyone. I'm new to this site and I think it is a wonderful thing for step parents. Anyway, I have been married to my husband 9 months now, and it is wonderful(so far) our only issue is his ex wife. In the beginning of our relationship, everything was fine. I would hang out with her and all that fun stuff, but as soon as she realized I wasn't going anywhere, she then showed her true side. She started calling me names and harassing me. I left it alone, and didn't get involved anymore. As soon as we got married it became 10 times worse. I was about 4 months pregnant at the time of my wedding, but that's not why we got married. However, that was the reason my husband and his ex got married. She was jealous I had the perfect wedding with the dress the cake and the guests, that and he asked me to marry him. She forced him to marry her. Now that my daughter is here, she continues to threaten me. She has even gone so far as to tell me that her and my husband are sleeping together. She is going thriugh her second divorce and thinks that my husband still wants her. She cheated on my husband and her second husband,and is trying to do the same thing with her current boyfriend. I really don't think that it is a thing she should be teaching her children. She wanted to marry her cousin who is in prison for bank robbery, while her husband still lived at home. And if you ask my step daughter, she'll tell you that there is nothing wrong with that. While all of this is happining, my husband just stands back, and lets her do whatever she wants. What I need to know is, how do I talk to my husband about standing up for me and my daughter, with out rolling over and letting her do what she wants?
I don't know if there's a
I don't know if there's a good way to bring it up without ruffling his feathers, you know how men are sometimes. But I would pick a time when you know you won't be interrupted and just tell him how you feel. Don't be accusatory, approach it like you need his help with something. Just tell him that you've been married almost a year, have a daughter together now and that you would like to set up a game plan for dealing with children and ex issues. Ask him for his help in deciding how certain siutations should be dealt with, if they arise. That could be your springboard for opening up the discussion.
Early on in my second marriage, we had an issue with the ex and I just went off and said, "Well, I'm sorry she feels that way but we're going to do _____." My husband got his toes stepped on a little because I just got mad and took over. Next time it happened, I said, "Well, what do you think we should do about this?" As it turned out, his way of dealing with it was the same as mine. He just wanted it to come from him. We've been together long enough now that we both know how we will deal with his ex-wife, their kids and whatever situations arise.
As far as the ex goes, neither one of you will ever get her to do what you want her to do. You simply don't have the power or even the right to make her live the life you want her to live. As long as she is not neglectful or abusive, there's really not a whole lot you can do about her poor judgment. I wouldn't waste a second trying to figure out how to straighten her out. Better to spend your time on the kids, providing them with good role models, showing them how healthy relationships are supposed to work and correcting their behavior as needed. You guys make the decisions for your family and, if she doesn't like it, well, she can either accept it and get over it or not. But keep her at arm's length.
Point out to your husband that deciding in advance how things will be handled can eliminate a lot of confusion, miscommunication and arguments later on. Boundaries are important for children to grow up feeling safe and secure and they are absolutely necessary for second marriages to survive.
~ Anne ~