OT- even bio family can suck!
I know we come on here and vent about our step situations... but my BIO one really got me angry this past week.
Background: My 89 yo father lives alone about 2 hours from me. My younger brother lives about 2 hours from dad as well. Younger brother is a former drug addict... but is now married and has been clean for over a decade. Brother has always sort of blamed our upbringing(parents) for his mental issues and problems.
So, last week, my DH and myself had a trip planned to the Dominican Republic. We left Sunday and were returning Friday. His daughter and a friend were joining us for the first several days.
The Friday before, we talked to my dad and he said he had the 'creeping crud'. We kept in touch through the weekend... but he got progressively worse. On Sunday, he sounded really worried about his condition... so on Monday, he was so weak he couldn't get dressed. Now, when he seemed worse on Sunday, we called my brother to give him a heads up that we were heading out of town and that my dad may need to see a doctor. Well, monday came and my dad ended up needing to go to the doctor (my dad has not been to a doctor in over 30 years except for one visit for a twisted knee a few years ago).
It turns out he had the flu and they admitted him. So, there we are in a foreign country with poor cell service. My brother said we shouldn't try to come home early...that he thought it would be ok. But then as we would try to get info out of him about my dad, he would get really impatient and short with me. Apparently other people who were friends of my dad were "bothering" him too and asking lots of questions and he was just soooo overwhelmed.
In fact, the last communication I had with him was after they released my dad on Friday home. My brother said we better get there ASAP on Saturday because "he was out of there". Never mind that we didn't get to bed until 2 am after a delayed flight. And when I tried to ask him some questions about my dad's status and information for the "hand-over".. he told me to "leave him alone" then he went on some bizarre texting rant with all sorts of irrelevant questions like I had been pestering him for no reason.
That is the last I have heard from him... I mean, I'm sorry he had to drop things and go take my dad to the hospital.. (though he told my husband he spent 90% of his time in the hotel room). I'm sorry I had questions about my dad's condition. I'm sorry my dad's friends cared enough to want to know how he was doing.. but it's not like anyone planned any of this to try to get at HIM.
My dad doesn't want to be sick and may have to have more help at home now.
I didn't want to be out of town while my dad may have died.
My husband is staying with him for the next few weeks and honestly, with my husband going to work half way across the country in a month.. for 7 months straight.. it's not like I wanted to spend time away from my husband either.
Honestly, I think this is going to be a final break in my relationship with my brother. He has always been overly sensitive. It was already difficult to tip toe around speaking to him to not say the "wrong" thing. It's clear that all that mattered was that HE was inconvenienced... He would have been fine with texting ME.. but apparently I am supposed to read his mind and know when HE doesn't want to be texted. So.. I'm pretty much done with him. Having a relationship with him is exhausting.
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It has been such a relief
It has been such a relief since I have cut ties with my addict brother. The drama that comes with having any sort of relationship with him was too much. It's OK to disengage from toxic people, even if they're blood.
I had only recently
I had only recently reconnected a bit more with my brother.. even after he got clean.. he then had this "born-again" type of attitude that he somehow knew the secret to life.
He lectured me about the dysfunction in our family and was always making superior comments about the "right way". Honestly, he was almost more fun when he WAS an addict (when he wasn't sponging money off my parents or being unreliable..lol).
I think we will most likely go back to a more distant relationship. It's a shame because I really like his wife and his son adores my husband. But, all the mental BS is just not worth it. I mean, I get that he was stressed by the situation.. but he got pretty crappy with me on several occasions in the past week and I brushed it aside because I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. But not once did he come back and say "I'm sorry I got a bit short with you.. but I was overwhelmed". I was the one trying to talk HIM off the ledge.
My brother is still an active
My brother is still an active alcoholic/user, but I have known more than one sober addict with the "born again" attitude and I can't stand it. Oh, You're sober now? Good for you. But the preaching about good choices is a bit too much coming from someone known to piss themselves every time they drank, who racked up DWIs and terrorized people at gunpoint because of meth. Or the "devil made me do it" folks who are now bffs with JC and think all is forgiven because they "found" God? LOL No.
if we all have to admit it
yeah I have a sibling like that as well, high maintenance, having tantrums if things are not going their way, sponging of parents, always complaining, have the best things, are the best person in the world, makes the best food, you will do as they say blablablabla
I recently told my 48 year old brother, oh dammit stop it, why should parents check in with you daily, who the hell died and made you king...
he's still not talking to me after a month lol,
Sometimes having a mirror put
Sometimes having a mirror put in their face isn't very comfortable. Honestly, my brother has always been sensitive, selfish and self centered. I accepted that and have never really tried to set him straight.. because honestly, it wouldn't really work. He is what he is. My solution was not to be around him a whole bunch..lol.
I feel sorry for his wife. I see him with her and he is all fine about making little comments about her weight and all but one time when she makes a dig at how much HE ate at thanksgiving and he is all mr pouty monster. It has to be very trying to be around him.
I've been through this as a
I've been through this as a mum with two kids- a daughter who has triumphed over adversity and now has a comfortable life, and one useless lump of a son who has committed his life to worshipping the god Cannabis. It has been so hard for my daughter, and yet life has been somewhat kinder to my son, except he is at permanent war with society and would never admit he's had it easy compared to his sister.
They no longer communicate except through me- recently my ex was in hospital and it took two days for my daughter to find out through a text sent to the wrong person. Luckily, my ex was ok but it could have been a genuine emergency and he could have died too. She lives half a day's travel from them so to be fair my son is the first on call for his dad- but my daughter deserves to be treated with more respect. It is hard. I hope your dad is better soon, and good on your DH for looking after him too.
I know what you mean. My
I know what you mean. My brother has also led a fairly charmed life and despite being an addict up until his late 30's he has a great job making 6 figures, a nice wife and an adorable and smart boy. He drives luxury vehicles and lives in a very expensive and fancy home.
My husband and I have had more struggles and health issues to deal with. I never got to have children. Sometimes it feels really unfair. And then to have him act all superior about his life.. it is aggravating. lol
Now, I also have a great job and make good money. Those other trappings aren't important enough for me to want to put my money there though.. My DH and I do more experiences vs possessions.