SD told no for transferring electronics between homes
Xmas was ok and SD12 got a few good gifts. One was a $10 mouse from Walmart for her laptop at our house. I missed a call from BM then got a text about a minute later. It was SD asking if she could come by and get the mouse. I text back and told her no, I'm not home and that mouse is for our house anyway. I know we'll never see it again if it goes to BM's. Besides, instead of driving to our house, she can go spend $10 on one like I did! SD says "K". That reply drives me up the wall! Maybe if SD said hey, SM, how are you? But I know that'll never happen.
Idk if she talked to DH but I don't care. She also lost a $100 bill from Xmas 3 days after. The kid is 12 but can't keep track of squat. And she wants a phone..
Edit:
I text DH to tell him what happened and he says "I'll take the mouse to her and we can buy a new one for our house." I told him SD will survive at BM's without a flipping mouse. She's using a laptop and it just helps her play the video game better, it isn't a necessity.
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Honestly I wouldn't read to
Honestly I wouldn't read to much into the K because that's just normal. I'm not saying it's ok but do you know of any 12 year old who actually engages in meaningful conversation with an adult, let alone a step parent.
They barely do it with their peers.
As for the mouse, damn right it stays at your home. She needs one at your home. It's that simple. If it goes to BM it MIGHT cough cough will cough cough be left there. Than what will she do?
Kid can earn her own phone or use the family phone when she's at home. There's little to no reason she needs her own except we seem to forget that children survived just fine without only 15 years ago. Heaven forbid they be out of instant contact for 5 minutes.
We bought her a tablet and a
We bought her a tablet and a very nice mini laptop that she almost never uses. She's been given multiple chargers for her tablet and still doesn't have a charger when she comes over here! I know it's only a $10 stupid computer mouse but I won't bail BM out so SD can be entertained over there.
It's not just a "$10 stupid
It's not just a "$10 stupid computer mouse" though.
I'm sure if it were just that then it wouldn't be a big deal.
It's that is ALWAYS a "$10 stupid computer mouse". It's a $20 pair of shoes, it's the new jeans you just bought, it's the winter coat, it's the basketball jersey.
It's that BM needs to support her own kid too. You guys have your own home to run and it has it's own expensive. Why should you subsidize BM's home. She is an equal parent after all.
BINGO!!
BINGO!!
That was my thinking. I got
That was my thinking. I got involved and I told her no. DH being his guilty daddy self just wants her to be happy. Nope. I don't care. I'll be the evil SM today.
But yet BM allows SD to
But yet BM allows SD to transport SD's laptop from BM's house to yours?
3 Nov 2017:
"Usually SD brings her laptop for the weekend but apparently she's grounded."
Why does SD usually bring her laptop if she has one at your house? If you don't want things to go back and forth and don't want SD confused about the rules of no going back and forth, stop letting her bring the one from BM's to your house.
I'm not saying you should send the mouse, but I can see why SD thought it ok to ask. You said 'no', so that's the end of it. She won't ask again. She said 'ok' and didn't argue. That was Dad saying it should go in the text.
I am confused. Just few weeks
I am confused. Just few weeks ago you had no money to buy food or pay bills and used your mom’s 100 bucks to buy groceries and now SD got all these gifts and has tablets and laptops you got her?
Also just in November she had no electronics at your house and was carrying laptop from BM’s house and when she was grounded by BM she had no laptop.
So how all of a sudden she has all these electronics at your house? And why were ok with SD carrying laptop from BMs house EVERY weekend yet you are upset over $10 worth mouse?
I'm with you on this.
I'm with you on this. Something seems off.
On 11/20 she was “maybe”
On 11/20 she was “maybe” getting laptop at OPs house “next year” and a month later she has laptop and a tablet at OPs house and now even has a mouse to go with that laptop that she may get next year? So confusing....
Mom allowed a laptop to go
Mom allowed a laptop to go back and forth. SM is saying no to a mouse going back and forth. As a result,BM is the "bad guy". :? :? :?
Hmmmm...my thoughts on gifts
Hmmmm...my thoughts on gifts is that if the gift is actually for someone then that someone gets to choose what to do with it. It sounds to me as though the mouse was actually a gift for your household and not for SD. Nothing wrong with that as long as that is made clear when the item is presented. I know of a similar issue involving a friend's grandchild. One set of GPs had bought a gift 2 years ago that they said had to stay at their house. This year, child asks other GPs to buy a similar item that child could take home. GPs did buy the item and now the other GPs are upset.
While I get the thought
While I get the thought process that if it's a gift, they can do what they want with it, everything we gave my SD that she took home, her brother destroyed within a week. So, it was either stop buying her gifts or keep them at our house so she could actually have them for more than a few days.
If we let the kids take home
If we let the kids take home every gift they are given from our place than they would have nothing to play with when they are with us.
Maybe I am buying gifts for our home instead of the kids or maybe I don't want to depend on BM or the kids to pack a bag of things for a weekend. We all know how well that works. I also don't want the kids to be forced to carry a big bag of stuff to school every other week making them more 'different' than their classmates. It's just easier on everyone if the kids have everything they need at both places.
I don't have to present each item with the disclaimer, "you can't take this to your mom's" because by now they understand. Sure every once in a while we need a small reminder but that's just being apart of this kind of home.
As they get older and gifts get more expensive / easier to carry than maybe things will be different. I don't expect a kid to have 2 cell phones, 2 tablets, or 2 copies of every video game they like but a mouse? That's an item that shouldn't have to move from home to home unless it's packed with a laptop.
ANYTHING that went to BM's
ANYTHING that went to BM's house basically never came back... Her SM finally gave me bags of crap... Going through it, DH, his mom and I had bought nearly everything (excluding some underwear that were three sizes too small...) So I understand getting sick of stuff going over...
Even when she sent them back, they'd be in ill-fitting clothing and she'd keep what they wore over so she wouldn't have to actually buy them anything. It gets frustrating! Especially since we are tight on funds... Initially DH sent the girls with a TV and Xbox to have at BMs since he knew how she parented. She claims it got "lost." But he delivered it there... And you can't just lose a 55" TV. So we're pretty sure she sold it...
We always made sure to send back what should be at her house, but we never got ANYTHING back. And things start adding up... A few $5 things not making it back... Turns into like $100 worth of stuff being gone... So we drew a line and NOTHING went to BM's. Softball equipment? I took it to every game and practice. Toys? NOPE. Because we had hardly any by the time we drew the line. Their tablets? One never came back, so he!! no. Basically it just got to the point that we were sick of providing for two households, she already wouldn't pay a penny towards anything for them... We didn't need to be providing everything for TWO houses too. So on principle it got to the point where we wouldn't let the girls bring ANYTHING there (excluding their blankets they can't sleep without, but THEY made sure those came back).
So it might be more on the fact she can't trust them to get anything back and they've lost so many things to the black hole that is BM's house that they're frustrated...
My SD's are grown now, but
My SD's are grown now, but when they were younger, it was sort of a mix regarding what was allowed to be brought back and forth.
Let's say we bought them a TV and VCR for their room at our house... obviously that didn't go home with them because it was bought for the express purpose of them having their own TV when they came to stay with us. Or, we bought them some muck boots or a barn coat... again for specific use at our farm place.
But, if we bought them general clothes or a handheld device, those we generally allowed them to take with them. If they lost things, or broke them, we didn't replace them though.
RE the mouse. If this mouse is to go with her laptop that is from her mom's house. I see no reason to not let her take it... but, I wouldn't replace it if it broke there or was lost at mom's.