So annoyed right now
My SO just found out that after 10 years, he really isn't divorced. WTF. He and I have been together 3 yrs - in that time, I have come to understand his disdain for his ex. Its been known that he and I intend to get married & this past summer, his oldest said to him that her BM told her they need to get divorced first. Supposedly the BM is also going to get married. My SO was surprised; said he doesn't know why she would say that. He doesn't have a copy of his decree so he was going to ask his atty to get one for him. We've been talking about our plans for next year and this morning, I jokingly said to him, you better make sure you're actually divorced. Well, he reached out to his atty and guess what? His ex never signed the paperwork. He claims he didn't know and thought he's been divorced for 10 yrs. He's livid and I'm annoyed. Atty said he needs to refile because its been so long. In our state, this is no quick task. This can drag out for a year or more. ANNOYED!!!!!!!!!! I have no doubts that she will not cooperate or make it easy to get this done. Between the BM and his 17 yr old daughter, they love to make his life hell. I think they actually get off on it.
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He can petition! She hasn't
He can petition! She hasn't lived with him in so long that he can petition for the divorce! I mean they're both seperste and the judge can order it so it doesn't matter what she wants!
How is he been filing the
How is he been filing the taxes all these years? Because if he’s married legally, then he would have to been filing married filing separately. Not single filing separately.
I think he's been filing
I think he's been filing single. I don't really know.....I'll have to ask him. I also told him to find out if she's been claiming his 2 girls cause I bet the BM doesn't even file taxes. She hasn't worked a legitimate job in years and lives off the system. I told him to refile for the past 3 yrs and claim them
Yeah, tax wise he might need
Yeah, tax wise he might need to do some fixing. He doesn’t even know who can claim the girls on the taxes? Sounds like he could really use a sitdown session with all his paperwork and wrap his brain around all of it.
Hope it gets sorted out soon for you guys you can get married.
You're right....we're going
You're right....we're going to have a good talk tonight. He needs to get this figured out.
Side note. DH's ex tried to
Side note. DH's ex tried to prolong theirs for forever... Kept saying she'd pay for it and stalling another week here and there. FOR MONTHS. While saying she could get DH back if she really wanted to basically anyone and everyone. DH finally paid because it had been like a year.
I saw this movie, it didn't
I saw this movie, it didn't end well for Patrick Dempsey...in the end Reese Witherspoon chose her long lost husband, I mean come on Patrick let her pick any ring at Tiffany's!
LOL - this made me laugh
LOL - this made me laugh
What documents has he used
What documents has he used for paying child support and visitation / custody schedules?
Also, he should try to get BM to pay for his attorney's fees since he has to go back to court because she never signed.
In some ways, this is on him...if he didn't see a signed copy of his decree, he shouldn't have assumed everything was taken care of.
He actually just went back to
He actually just went back to court this past summer to get custody modified. He has that new order. I only know that after they broke up, he got with another woman and they had a child & ended up moving across country so he I'm guessing he never gave it a 2nd thought. I wish he could get BM to pay for this but she lives off the system...welfare, etc and won't have money for it.
I’m really confused he could
I’m really confused he could go back to court and get something modified and not know if he’s married or not. There would be no custody court order in the case of a married couple. :?
That's a good point - if
That's a good point - if they're still married, why did the initial child custody order go thru? I think at that time, his son was just born with the other woman and the ex wanted sole custody of their daughters. This summer, he went back to court to get joint custody....I went to some of the proceedings with him & met his attorney. Once done, I had the custody modification in my hand and read it all. So I assumed they were divorced.
I don't think you could have
I don't think you could have modified if he was still married. I don't know.
Sure they can modify a
Sure they can modify a custody order. Why not? They have been living as separated people for ten years. Not divorced, separated. There had to have been a CS and custody order made when they split.
Op states, she, herself, was separated from her ex for 19yrs before divorcing. But I bet OP and her ex had COs about the children.
And FWIW, if this man's wife didn't sign the divorce papers, neither did a judge. The man's lawyer would have known this.
And no, the OP's So will not be able to get his wife to pay lawyer fees for the refile and new request for a divorce. He was as responsible to seeing his divorce through and finalized as she. Sure, a divorce will go through whether his wife wants one now or not.
If I were OP I'd be looking into what else this guy may have 'forgotten' er, I mean "don't know" about.
I don't know about NY but in
I don't know about NY but in my state the CO is part of the divorce. So you can't modify something that hasn't been finalized.
Also in my state, you don't sign your final judgment, your lawyer does, and if one party does not show, it doesn't matter, the judge can sign the decree.
I don't think he could get fees, either.
How could the divorce go through now without her signature but not before? That doesn't make any sense.
Now it would be the length of
Now it would be the length of separation and totally living non-connected as man and wife. Even in most states where one need the spose to cooperate , loses that after x amount of years. In my state one party can stall and refuse for only two years when proven they have lived 100% as individual and not married couple.
As the parenting plan can go into effect as soon as one is agreed to. It might not be the exact same as what would be the final plan, but yes, a custody, where kids will live (while waiting for final divorce) and all those boring little things like medical, daycare, blah blah can be in it. It's how the separated couple expects to manage the 'family affairs'. Children affairs can not be left in limbo with neither parent required to play a part. One or both parents 'temporarily' agree to what will be what and that is used until divorce decree and final.
All these thoughts are coming
All these thoughts are coming at me. One time he told me that if anything should happen to him, he wanted me to promise not to let BM come to his funeral. Thought that was weird at the time, but after knowing of her antics, I understand it. He has also made me his health care proxy. Would her status as still being legally married override that? and he put me down as beneficiary on his life ins along with his kids. Not that anything is going to happen.....he's only in his 40s, fairly healthy. Just having all kinds of thoughts.
You two need to work closely
You two need to work closely with an attorney to check everything out and get this mess all sorted. Hopefully BM is keen to get married and doesn’t hold things up unnecessarily.
She would be his beneficiary
She would be his beneficiary unless she "signed off" on something. This is why I was so annoyed at SO for dragging his feet about getting divorced even though he hadn't seen his second wife in years. She is now married to a woman.
Idk if she's actually getting
Idk if she's actually getting married. She talks a lot of BS. Their daughters can't stand the guy. In the 3 yrs that we've been together, his ex has talked about them getting back together a couple of times. That was early in our relationship - to my knowledge, she hasn't said that recently. He told her no f**king way, anyway. She obviously knows they're not divorced since she's the one who mentioned it in the first place to their daughter. Maybe she won't be a pain this one time.....I doubt it though
I AM JUST SO ANNOYED WITH HIM
I AM JUST SO ANNOYED WITH HIM RIGHT NOW! Sorry - I need to vent here though before I see him after work.
In Texas only one person has
In Texas only one person has to sign. The petitioner. If the loser decides to no show, the judge proclaims the divorce and signs the papers and it's over. Takes all of 60 days if there is no fighting. The court mailed nimrod his copy of everything and I merrily went on my way!!
We're in NY and everything in
We're in NY and everything in NY is more complicated it seems
Did your SO check with the
Did your SO check with the county courthouse?
One day, many years ago, BM was trying to get DH to call her so she told his sister that they were not divorced and that he needed to call her. DH went straight to the courthouse to verify that there was, in fact, a valid divorce decree on file.
When he went to court for the divorce, he got a copy of the divorce decree but each party had a certain amount of time to read it over and contest, so it was not signed by either party. Neither contested it so the divorce was granted about 3 weeks after they went to court. He was not sent anything official, though, stating that it had been granted. Which was why he went to the courthouse in a panic!
Just a thought.
Hmmm.....ok, going to make
Hmmm.....ok, going to make him go to get a copy.
He said he remembers
He said he remembers receiving paperwork from the original atty saying it was done. That was 10 yrs ago - he moved around a lot including moving across country so not hard to believe paperwork could get lost. In my line of work, customers often don't have divorce papers from that long ago and they have to go to the county court to get a copy. He had no reason to lie about it to me tho - I wasn't divorced when we first met. My ex and I had been separated for 19 yrs before we eventually got divorced. So it wouldn't have been a big deal if he told me he wasn't divorced yet.
I don't know what NY laws are
I don't know what NY laws are but I just looked at SO's divorce papers and neither he nor BM signed them, their attorneys did.
I see divorce decrees in my
I see divorce decrees in my line of work all the time - in most states, they get signed and filed. Sometimes the copies people get for their records are not signed.
In Missouri, if the
In Missouri, if the Respondent is served, it makes no difference if they show after that. It's a "default" judgment. So those would be valid divorces whether or not the Respondent signed or not.
so he lied to you. for years.
so he lied to you. for years. and now you know it. question is, what are you going to do about it? oh, btw, considering you have a connection to the internet, look it up, it's pretty easy.
http://info.legalzoom.com/visitation-rights-during-separation-27146.html
Very strange he told you
Very strange he told you custody was modified? Without being divorced?
GO down to the court house yourself. Ask the clerk to show you how to pull up HIS and BM's case in the state.
No need to ask him anything..........go look for yourself.
Running his name thru the court doc's it will pull up all cases HE filed or cases filed against him.
Not for the faint at heart. Meaning you may or may not like what you see and learn.
Tiger - you old mistress
Tiger - you old mistress lol.......
BM knew she never signed, thus her comment lol..... luckily you 2 found out before you got married...
sorry but I find this very very funny and I'm giggling like a school girl... but I think if you work close with the Atty and he investigates a bit and DH files now, with all the evidence it might not take a year, courts might push it within a month....
Then he can simply stay quiet... marry you and laugh when BM tells him, we are not divorced..
Oh the Reece Witherspoon movie.....Sweet home Alabama.... show it to SO and ask him if this is his plan all along lol
Well, I for one cannot wait
Well, I for one cannot wait for an update.
BM may very well be mistaken and thinks that just because she didn't sign, she pulled a fast one and is still married to your SO. That's not necessarily how it works.
It seems that SO's attorney would have notified him if something held up the divorce, like BM not signing. More money for him, right?
And it is not hard to believe that SO thought he was divorced, when his own lawyer sent him paperwork and told him it was done.
Here's my update: I know
Here's my update: I know some think he's up to something or was lying purposely but that couldn't be farther from the truth. Not all men are dogs. Btw - the atty who looked into this for him was the one who just represented him in the child custody modification - not the original atty who did the divorce for him. Anyway, after work last, he was so upset about the whole thing. His biggest concern was making sure I knew that he always wants to do right by me, keep his word to me, etc. He even asked me if I wanted him to move out until he could get this done (watery eyed) - he feels this is that big of a deal. He said he called the ex to ask her why she never signed and why she never said anything to him. Her answer was that she didn't sign back then cause she had hoped they would work things out. He did some research last night - I guess he can refile himself since they have no joint assets and child custody is already worked out and they haven't lived together for 10+ years.
So, he is sure that they are
So, he is sure that they are really not divorced? That sucks. And I don't believe he intentionally lied about it. It is too bad that nobody notified him that it never became final.
How long were they married at the time they did the divorce proceedings? Just curious because now BM can for sure get his social security if he passes away before her. Which won't affect you but still...
His atty told him that he's
His atty told him that he's not divorced and that he has to re-file because its been so long. I think they got divorced after 6 or 7 yrs.
What I am expecting is that
What I am expecting is that the ex will cause issues because that's just her. I won't be surprised if she tries to get money out of him somehow. I told him NOT to tell her (or his daughters) that we are planning on marrying next year because she will try to delay it.
If BM is living off
If BM is living off government assistance, etc., your DH would be notified because apparently they are still married.
Or is there something I'm not understanding?
I don't understand what
I don't understand what you're saying. He would be notified of what?
If they were not legally
If they were not legally separated or divorced, she would be denied benefits I believe. If neither scenario is official, they may contact your SO to verify status, etc. That's how I understand the process to work.
Something here (my state)
Something here (my state) like SNAP (food stamps) is household income based. Her Dh doesn't and hasn't lived in household for ten years.
Medicaid would not deny the child benefits (remember he went off and moved to different states), but they would (at least, should have) tracked him down for medical insurance and/or nailed a part of BM's CS before she got hold of it.
Separated households can and do receive Medicaid. Not yet being divorced does not equate ineligible . Something like Section 8 housing would also be a possibility.
And that's my point. There
And that's my point. There are things she couldn't get if she was not legally separated or divorced. **shrugs shoulders**
You seemed to have not
You seemed to have not understood what I actually said. Yes, she did and does still qualify for govt. benefits (regardless of not being divorced) as long as the couple remained separated. His income in his household would not be used to chart eligibility in her home. :?
Well, the county is aware
Well, the county is aware that she's on social services and that he is at a different residence. CS is taken out of his paychecks by child support enforcement AND I've seen his checks so I know how much is taken - she claims she doesn't get that amount which tells me that she must owe the county so they're taking their share and giving her what's left over. CPS is also aware as they have come to my house to speak to him about his oldest daughter.