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Eye-roll moment

ESMOD's picture

It's funny, I just had an "eye-roll" moment with my DH last night.

As most know, I have 2 SD's one 19 and the other 22. I came into their lives a couple years after their parents split when they were 5 and 9. They have always been very different kids.

OSD has always been much more reserved and self conscious. She was never as open and really was an odd egg to a certain extent... think "tuesday" from the Adams family when she was younger. I always got this vibe that she was molested or something.. she was just so introspective and didn't like any human contact. (I heard a weird rumor from my DH's brother's wife that her own mom had done things to her... but that was all pretty much heresay and that lady was a pot stirrer) So, while for the most part she wasn't disrespectful or anything, we never really had a super close relationship. Her interests evolved to be around "nice clothes and making sure she looked perfect all the time".. and very little about her intellectual development. She was a great student until middle school and had talent as an artist.. but in middle school she just shut that all down. I always got the feeling that she feels her dad abandoned her and that her parents let her down because they couldn't afford to buy her all the stuff she though she deserved. Of course daddy tried, but his trying was usually below her standard. Even though he pretty much bought her 2 cars and she was supposed to repay some of both.. she never did and he never asked. It wasn't a ton of money, but still, it did bother me that he wouldn't hold her to her promise.

YSD? To her OS's night, she was day. She was bubbly, outgoing, abashedly UN-selfconscious. She marched to the beat of her own drummer. Fishnets and gogo boots for church at 8 yo? Sure, no problem (and her granny allowed it. lol). She was happy to make do when we didn't have much. Always happy to pitch in and do projects and go wherever we went and whatever we wanted to do. She was an easy kid to like. She still is, she just went to visit my Dad with her boyfriend (a 3 hour drive each way) just to visit and say hi. She has always been aware of other people's feelings... a very empathetic kid. She has thanked me multiple times for being good to her and for all the things she was able to do with us. So read her being thankful for what we DID have vs her older sister who always gave the vibe that what we had was never enough.

So.. long story to get to my eye roll. OSD has a baby turning 1. We got an invite to the first year Bday party. We won't go because DH is working out of town and I won't go alone (with BM.. haha NO). But, I did go online and buy a few things to send on behalf of us for his BDAY. So, DH says. "Thanks for sending that stuff for GS I know how you feel about OSD". I am like WHAT? I don't hate her, but I am not all that close to her. Sure I do things like participate in her online pampered chef thing and buy the baby presents on our/your behalf because I know you won't do it... I don't hate your daughter.. she is just not really "my kind of person"..We wouldn't naturally be friends or anything.. so I am nice to her, but she is your kid.. you want to see her YOU plan it. So.. yeah.. ugh.. I don't hate your kid. eyeroll.

Comments

moving_on_again's picture

That's funny, my own DD is "not really my kind of person." LOL. Sometimes that just happens. Although, I am more like your OSD and DD is more like your YSD. Thankfully, we live next door to my mom and my mom and DD are like besties.

bearcub25's picture

Same with my DD. She and my sister are close, and my sis has a DD 3 months older than DD so they were always tight.

ESMOD's picture

No.. he couldn't lol.

I know he was trying to be really nice and say that he appreciated that I still did things for her "even though I don't even like her".. but it still came out a little like a backhanded compliment.

WagiMorri's picture

Yeesh... Talk about a backhanded show of gratitude. Maybe he needs a good dose of it for a while, just to see how it feels when someone else makes assumptions of his feelings and ties it to his actions. "Hey honey, thanks for doing the dishes. I know how you feel about helping out around the house."
"Hey thanks for sleeping next to me at night. I know how much you dislike it sometimes."

When he protests just say "No I mean it just shows how much of a good person you are to do nice things even though you hate doing them." his man mind will be baffled.