Interesting stepfamily quotes
"He's the hero to become the step-dad and take on all that extra baggage, raising someone else's children.
She's just the stepmom".
So true.
I was also thinking about something else I read that said something to the effect of "the guy that spends more time with (raising) your kids has another man spending more time with (raising) his" as how father's unequal visitation impacts stepfamilies.
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Stepdads get all kinds of
Stepdads get all kinds of credit and stepmoms are interlopers. Always and forever. Why do skids accept the stepdad 90% of the time but never the SM? Because BM doesn't want them to. I think dads are a lot less territorial.
I think it also has to do
I think it also has to do with the fact that only the man can "do wrong".
Men cheat - He's a bad guy.
Women cheat - Her partner must have done something wrong.
Man beats woman - He's a bad guy.
Woman beats man - Well he deserved it. That's IF they actually believe it because no woman beat's a man.
Woman leaves man - She's so strong.
Man leaves woman - He's a horrible person.
I could go on.
This is all too common. I've
This is all too common. I've read many stories of the woman being the abuser yet the man is too ashamed to report her or is not believed when he does.
My partner was abused and all
My partner was abused and all too often I get asked “well are you sure he wasn’t the abuser.” Yeah because in the whole time I’ve known him he’s never once even raised his voice at me. I’ve also seen the pictures and talked to the coworkers.
I asked him about why he put up with it for so long. Main reason was because he was afraid they wouldn’t believe him. It’s too often in a domestic dispute if the cops are called they take the man. They believe the woman if she makes ANY sort claim even if it’s the man who called and he’s the one with all the marks.
On top of that with his job even being arrested would cause him to lose his clearance / license. I’d heard this in the past before I even met him. Not the same but a nurse I know was arrested in college. The case was dropped but when she went to get her license she was almost denied just for the arrest.
I read this one
I read this one recently
"He's called a stepfather because he stepped up when another man didn't."
Lol, yessss! "It takes a
Lol, yessss! "It takes a strong man to raise another man's child/ren." Sometimes I don't even get "stepmom," I've been called "his new wife" by BM, etc. (We've been married five plus years...)
If she says that in front of
If she says that in front of you, you should say "no, I'm just his wife, not his "new" wife."
Yes!
Yes!
Gross. I've seen this one,
Gross.
I've seen this one, too. Meanwhile, women still do the majority of child care and child-rearing in this country...so how much did he really "step up" to the plate? And how many stepmoms really DO step-up and try to do it all, only to be rebuffed, rejected, and resented for it?
It's enough to make me vomit.
Well it also downplays all
Well it also downplays all the dad's who are still fully involved.
I mean BM over here basically tries to make out like my partner has nothing to do with the kids. Every new man is just the amazing daddy they need.
She tries to restrict his contact with the kids. Control how he parents in his home (while she can't in her own). Dumps them on her other family. I could go on and on.
She acts like she's doing it all on her own instead of giving credit where it's due.
Everything you said fits my
Everything you said fits my situation to a T.
Men have it so much easier
Men have it so much easier than women in blended families. It's a simple fact.
I've witnessed it in my own life and I read about it time and time again
I'd say it's more men
I'd say it's more men ENTERING into blended or stepfamilies. Biodads have it harder than Biomoms and step moms harder than step dads.
From my life experience, I'd
From my life experience, I'd have to disagree.
I realize that I did
I realize that I did something I hate to do and generalized things. I do realize this isn't always true.
I wish it was better for Moms
I wish it was better for Moms and dads and stepmom's and stepdad. The whole thing can just heartbreaking.
I agree completely.
I agree completely.
My younger brother's fiancee
My younger brother's fiancee has a child, so come next year, he'll be an "official" stepdad. He's dated her for about 4 years so he's basically a stepparent already.
His stepparent experience has been COMPLETELY different from mine. The ex and FSIL are no-conflict. No CO. No CS. They co-parent really well and change the "schedule" whenever they want, to best suit the kid + the adults involved (ex is remarried, with another child, as well). My brother is respected as the stepdad. The stepmom is respected as stepmom. No court drama.
Though my FSIL is also a very sweet person. And a pushover, said in the nicest way possible ahaha. AKA: not your run of the mill b!tch BM like the ones I deal with/read about on sTalk.
So while my brother is having the easiest stepparenting experience ever, I'm over here dealing with TWO psycho BMs, drama, drama, and more drama. You know, the same sh!t everyone here is dealing with.
It really is a beautiful
It really is a beautiful thing when families can put differences aside and have no CO and still get along FOR THE STINKING KIDS! I'll never understand the people that can't just let their ex move on. And anyone that can put up with TWO BM's is a hero. I would never consider such a thing! I have been distanced from my H for just one psycho witch, I couldn't imagine twice the drama. Hang in there!
I am not fan of stereotypes.
I am not fan of stereotypes. Every family is unique and different. Both intact and blended. Although there are common tendencies and patterns, stereotyping and generalizing doesn't accomplish anything.
I agree completely. I've had
I agree completely. I've had a psycho SF who happens to be my baby sister's dad. I was just commenting on the norm that we see here on steptalk.
I absolutely cannot stand
I absolutely cannot stand "when a woman is with a man who has children,they automatically should be treated as though they are her own"
I agree. Just because you
I agree. Just because you marry someone with kids doesn't mean that makes you the new parent. They already have a mother and father. I also hate when people tell you that you should love them like your own. This mostly happens to the woman more than the man. I do think men have it a little easier than woman do in this step life.
I agree also. And what
I agree also. And what another poster said- maybe because men are less "invested" and laid back than women as stepparents. We are all damned if we do, damned if we don't. We can't be too motherly and try to replace BM but we can't sit back and let dad parent because we don't care enough. It gives me a damn headache.
Before I met DH, BM's
Before I met DH, BM's boyfriend (who moved in with her and my SSs three months after BM kicked DH out) pushed one of my SSs in an argument. The child was 8 years old at the time. DH said something to BM. Her response, her boyfriend "is a beautiful, beautiful man and our children are lucky to have him in their lives."
Meanwhile, I arrive on the scene two years later. I work in education, but when I go to a parent conference with DH, at his request, he receives an angry bunch of text messages saying how dare he bring "some girl you're dating" to the conference (we were getting married a month after the conference) and how I'm not a mother, so what could I possibly know about children or education. She then later claimed that because I don't go out of my way to be her friend, there's a good chance I "might be a child abuser."
That same woman has also said that I should drop everything and pick the kids up at school, because I'm "supposed to be their stepmother". Anytime her boyfriend does that, he's presented as incredibly generous to be doing things for the children.
Pushed an 8 year old yet he's
Pushed an 8 year old yet he's a beautiful person? I didn't even push 8 year olds when I was 8, let alone as a grown adult! Disgusting. Our BM withheld SD when H told her that she didn't have to meet me to make sure I was "safe" to be around SD. Truth is- BM was jealous that SD, 6 at the time, preferred to hang out at dad's because we treat her as a human being and not an object. No BM, a 6 year old cannot be your best friend. Good thing it came back to bite her. Now that SD is older, BM doesn't think it's so cute when SD has the attitude she has been allowed to have her whole life.
I think she thought that by
I think she thought that by telling DH her new boyfriend was "a beautiful, beautiful man" would make him jealous, sort of put him off guard, so he wouldn't make a big stink about how this man pushed his child.
If I ever even bumped into one of the children by accident, BM would have a fit and probably try to report me to CPS.
-most women get physical
-most women get physical custody
-most men get limited visitation
-courts/agencies enforce mom's CS. there is a Child Support Enforcement Unit
-courts do not enforce dad's visitation. there is no Visitation Enforcement Unit
-most BMs gravitate toward a beta male with no children as their next partner (a PAS accomplice, walking ATM with no strings attached--what's not to love from the BM and skid's perspective?)
-mom has the bulk of time for influencing the children (to denegrate dad and SM)
- Child abuse agencies are more interested in "low hanging fruit" than actually tracking and prosecuting ACTUAL abuse, which is far more dangerous, costly and time consuming. a perfect vessel to harrass dad and SM with wild and false, injurious accusations.
I love when Chef said he "stepped up to the plate" as regards my DS. DS didn't fully come into Chef's life until DS was 24!!!! And DS's biodad passed on when DS was 16. All the parenting had been done by then. Plus I technically am still supporting Chef while he is on the CS gristmill. The most Chef ever did was encourage DS to join the Air Force--that's it. But Chef is more than willing to take credit for all of DS's achievements. LOL
Thank you thinkthrice. -most
Thank you thinkthrice.
-most BMs gravitate toward a beta male with no children as their next partner (a PAS accomplice, walking ATM with no strings attached--what's not to love from the BM and skid's perspective?)
This is exactly what my situation was. However babydaddy #2 never contributed to the PAS. Quite the opposite. He didn't say a word and just lets BM walk all over him like she did my H for years.
It is very sad that your H sounds more proud of your son than his own children. Very sad.
Also the courts not enforcing paternal visitation. So true.
Shortly after DH and I got
Shortly after DH and I got married his grandmother,(MIL's mom), posted the quote on my Facebook about DH "stepping up to the plate that another man left behind."
I left the post up, but then commented that "my children are certainly lucky to have DH in their lives, but that their father is very active and very much still a part of my girls lives and he did not leave anything behind!"
I was so angry. My ex and I have split custody and get along pretty well for the most part. Yet, I'm a terrible stepmom because I exist and I'm expected to love SS like my own and cater to him, which I don't. All DH had to do was marry me and he's a hero, gag.