I'm done
My wife and I had a massive blow out Wednesday night. My kids called their mom to come get them and they left because of our fighting. My wife said she is going to divorce me and take me for half of everything I have and she wants alimony. I already talked to my brothers law firm and they advised me not to leave the house and close out all joint accounts which I did. I didnt think she could get madder then she was but she is. I moved into my sons room for now and if she doesn't file for divorce next week then I will. She said many hurtful things I don't think I can look past. I'm angry that she used me for my money and wasted years of my life. She admitted to only being with me for my money and that she can not stand me and that she never could. She said I was her way out and a better life for her kids and now she is going to take my money and find someone she is attracted to. My heart is broke but I will survive. Thank you to those that gave me advice. It makes me sick to think I could have wasted more of my life with her than I already did. I'm going to stay in counseling to help get what she said out of my head. I'm terrified she is right and no one will want me unless I pay them or that my only quality is money.
- Gunner's blog
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Stay in therapy. End this
Stay in therapy. End this marriage.
Move on.
I strongly endorse the
I strongly endorse the nannycam idea. Do it today. You don't know what she's capable of at this point. Keep your phone charged and near you so you can record interactions.
You can find someone who will love you for your dry sense of humor, your steadiness, your work ethic, your sense of responsibility, your intelligence, and your loyalty. You probably have many other qualities as well.
Women go through a thing at 22 where they think men only want one thing and will never love them for who they are. Later on they go through a thing where they think men only want 22 year olds and none of them could simply love a woman for who she is after 22. You are going through the male version. With 2 dodgy wives, it's only natural. But when the smoke clears you will find there are many very good and loyal women out there who would love to get to know you.
In the meantime protect yourself from damaging accusations. Do you have a bachelor friend who'd be willing to move in for awhile so you have a witness there for you?
What set off this particular fight?
Oh, and don't wait for her to
Oh, and don't wait for her to file. Do it yourself Monday morning. As soon as you file you are protected from any debts she incurs after that moment. If you play a game of chicken waiting for her to file she could go out and run up all kinds of debts you'd end up paying at least half of. File yourself in the morning.
Yeah. 7 weeks from "my wife
Yeah.
7 weeks from "my wife has issues with my kids" to "my wife wants to divorce me and take half of all I have." What an Evil Stepmom!
I've literally never known
I've literally never known this to be the case. Maybe from the outside it seems that way because not everyone is privy to what's going on in the privacy of the home, but I've never known a marriage to fall apart without months and years of conversations/therapy/trial separations/new counselors/etc in terms of what's happening behind the scenes.
This was from behind the scenes, though...7 weeks from everything is fine and wonderful and we're so in love, according to Gunner himself, to suddenly my wife has this issue with my kids/vacation to total meltdown and divorce and she's saying she was only with me for my money.
OK. Either this is a complete fiction or Gunner is clueless and missed some very big signs along the way.
I think Gunner did what many
I think Gunner did what many SMs do. He ignored the warning signs and red flags because he was in LOOOOVVVVEEEEE :O
You think things fell apart rather quickly. But I'm wondering what took him so long to say enough. I would have been a few weeks ago. I don't care how much I love someone. F with my minor kid and I'm done.
Even if you never bother my kid, if I find out you dislike and/or don't want my kid around, we are done.
Don't get me wrong, step parents are not obligated to like their SKs. But it should be understood that bio parents are not obligated to stay in a relationship with someone who dislikes their kids.
Well, that will be a surprise
Well, that will be a surprise to the thousands of husbands and wives who came home to a Dear John or changed locks or extra-marital hotel receipts. Marriages fall apart this fast all the time. People have been known to say unforgivable things in the heat of the moment many times before. And then, voila, no turning back the clock.
Acra called it long ago, this thing didn't so much fall apart rapidly as the wife found she could hold back her true nature no longer. I have seen many people go from seeming like wonderful to revealed as predators in a flash. Many of us have. Mrs. G held up a mask that he fell for. Not so hard to see why he thought things were fine, she was projecting "fine." Until she wasn't. Projector no more.
He was snookered by a spouse. Happens to many, many, many of us. It is not a failing on his part. He gave his love sincerely. Sing it, Smokey, "When your heart's on fire...."
Well, you're welcome to think
Well, you're welcome to think that, of course...but you're only seeing the things I'm frustrated about here on this forum. Money does end up being a point of resentment for me...and I think it would be even if I wasn't out-earning DH because I bring no kids to the relationship. However, I actually have gone through a period with my husband where I wasn't earning much if anything, and he had no issue supporting me until I figured out what I needed to do next. He's also very generous with me when he is making money...and he's clearly crazy about me in many ways. I'm sure if I lost my job tomorrow, DH would be the first one by my side, telling me it would all be fine.
My DH is simply terrible with money...and money isn't motivating to him as it may be to others. He's so big picture he's kind of dumb about details...all that is very true. He's also bad about talking about money, though he's gotten better through my insistence. I used to think he wasn't that bad with money and was just playing dumb so that I'd handle it all...but over the years I've realized he just isn't money-minded.
Say all this to say...I understand where you're coming from...but you're incorrect.
Remove the step drama and
Remove the step drama and sounds like you and your husband have the type of marriage most people hope for.
Well...yes. And if I could
Well...yes. And if I could have my own child...that would be big for me. That's really the only thing that makes me have regrets. The money only matters to me for what it symbolizes...I want to feel like we're totally on the same page, and we just see this one issue so differently. I also used to feel like the skids wants came before my needs, but I don't feel that way any more. Not sure if I got better at explaining my needs/expectations, if my DH got better at listening to me...or both. However, my mom says that I've relaxed in many ways since meeting my DH...and she thinks that he's brought out a happier, more go-with-the-flow side to me that doesn't have to account for every penny.
I don't think I have as much drama as most here. Not even close. My skids are mostly good and DH has become a very good dad. He expects a lot from them and doesn't coddle them at all any more. He coddles them less than I do, most of the time.
I should also mention - DH is an incredible networker and one of the part-time jobs I currently have I got about 6 years ago through an old high school friend of his. It's easy work, I'm able to travel/do it from anywhere...and I wouldn't have this income if it wasn't for DH mentioning my English PhD. to his friend who was looking for some curriculum development help.
You're probably right about
You're probably right about this. This is my first marriage...so it would take a lot for me to think of ending it. All my friends who have lost a marriage...who I've talked to and who I'm basing my experience on...they were all first marriages, too, where both spouses were really trying. I can see how a second marriage with no kids together would be easier to ditch.
then you haven't met Asshat
then you haven't met Asshat or me. He went to Australia on a 6 week engagement and came home telling me he wanted a divorce. Seems he and Money-Ka had fallen in loooooooove whilst on said engagement.
I had no idea. so, yeah - marriages can go to shit in less than 7 weeks.
Oh give it up. You're one of
Oh give it up. You're one of the few that thik that.
Your harassment is getting old.
Gunner, forgive me for saying
Gunner, forgive me for saying this, but your wife sounds like a spoiled brat. Everyone who has gone through a divorce has thought, "No one will ever love me again." You will find love again. Buy your focus needs to be on your children, who have gone through a lot, and working on yourself in therapy. File for divorce and only look forward.
What the hell is your fkn
What the hell is your fkn problem? Knock it off already!
Then don't go on my blogs...
Then don't go on my blogs... Jesus. .. you can see it's mine, don't bother with them if you don't like reading them... simple solutions, lady... seems easier than reading them, then talking trash about me every chance you can...seems you thrive on trying to be a pot-stirrer.... grow up.
then why not ignore her?
then why not ignore her? Methinks you doth protest waaaaaaaaaaaay too much.
Good luck to you, Gunner.
Good luck to you, Gunner. Worry about getting you and your children out of this before you worry about any future GFs.
There's a lady out there for you somewhere, you just haven't found Ms Right. Spend time focusing on you, your minor children and just living life. One day at a time. Date (after the divorce), and just focus on enjoying life...you don't have to be in a serious relationship to be happy. Broaden your social life to include groups and clubs with people who share your interest, learn some new hobbies and expand your field of friends with similar and new interest.
There is nothing 'wrong' with you, you just haven't found the person who appreciates who you are.
So what you're saying
So what you're saying is...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1ZJiBHh-Yw
Bahahahaha, I've worked in
Bahahahaha, I've worked in many bars, some of them stripbars and it is amazing how attractive a man with a big wallet is!
I know women who won't allow their men in stipbars saying they are afraid some stripper will steal their man.
Let me tell you, strippers will not give a man the time of day unless he is one of three things.
A Greek god, a Rockstar, or super rich and willing to shower her with gifts and money!
And once the money train stops, those girl jump off so fast it will give you whiplash! No if he's a Rockstar, she'll start trying to get pregnant the moment she's introduced to him.
Tell her do not let the door
Tell her do not let the door hit her in the arse....and, start over.... Never let your kids witness this again....you could lose your visitation. They do not need to be around it for their own mental health. I have read your posts and it all adds up to---- this lady is a serious piece of selfish work and you could do better with just about anybody else..LOL
She can only take so much, but whatever it is..it is worth it to get her out of your life... She, on the other hand ,will only be looking for somebody else to use and abuse. You will find a real partner...take your time and be selective, I think you will learn from this situation what you need to do next time. Good luck moving forward.
Disregard posters who are non supportive.... you came here for help and support, some people come here to criticize the posters... Nobody is here because they are living in an utopian state.
my response would have been
my response would have been the same regardless of gender. Stupid is as stupid does, dear.
So your prostitute wife is
So your prostitute wife is trying to convince you that no one would want you? You are the one with character and resources. She is a money grubbing whore. You will be fine. She will be prostituting up her next John in a matter of days. You didn't know she was a whore. Give yourself a break. Take care of you.
Dupe.
Dupe.
Or it can simply be that both
Or it can simply be that both have access to it but only one contributes. Since Gunner did not have access to the vacay money, my guess is she did not contribute much if anything to the "joint" accounts and kept most of her earned cash in her separate personal account.
Gunner - you knew this was
Gunner - you knew this was coming, she already told you once before it's her way or no way......
At least your nightmare will be ending, stay cordial and do not fall for any traps, what you wrote about your wife, she's trying to manipulate you and well she's abusing you emotional. Stay with therapy Sir, you do not sound like an evil man, more like a walk over. Get some self confidence and stop believing no one else would love you in the future, learn to love yourself and set up some boundaries with your Ex... and bio kids.
Even if she comes back saying she's pregnant, do not belief it for one minute until the DNA tests says it's yours.
You are not going to like my following advice, talk to your children and say, you are divorcing her and until the time it's over they can not visit anymore, nor sleep over, you can see them out of the house and skype... but spare them coming over to this hostile house. Give your stbEx half of the joint accounts, but through a lawyers office... it should be on record.
If I recall you are living in your own house, simply ask your lawyer if you can give her notice to vacate your home.
She can have everything in her kids rooms, even if you paid for it, and well your bed as well, but make sure it's documented what she takes...
good luck for the future and somewhere out there will be some one suited for you
File first. That's my only
File first. That's my only advice. You want to be offense. Not defense.
Yep and they NEVER comment on
Yep and they NEVER comment on posts containing outrageous, criminal, overt behaviours by skids(because their kid IS one of those criminals)that could NEVER EVER be explained away by "putting kids first" (TM), "dad walking away from his kids" (TM) blah blah blah
Don't forget 'real men' (TM)
Don't forget 'real men' (TM) who put their kids (aka their GUBM ex-wives) first!!!
Stay in the house Protect
Stay in the house
Protect yourself: http://www.twcnews.com/nys/rochester/crime/2017/06/23/opening-statements...
File first
Get as many attorney consults in the area as you can; that will weedle hers down to nill due to conflict of interest
Gunner, I am a woman that
Gunner,
I am a woman that makes probably as much as you do. Please stop thinking your only commodity is money. Thinking like that will consistently attract women who are only interested in your money. Stop looking for women who are "out of your league". Look for someone who is an equal not an accessory. I am smart, accomplished, hard-working, independent and 46 plus I have a enormous heart. If I thought my only commodity was money, I would use that as a lure. But I am so much more than my bank account. So are you. You say you are in therapy. Take some time to find yourself. Look for a partner - not someone you think you can boss around because you control the money. Look for someone who values you and not your money - someone you value equally as a person and not because you are looking for a trophy.
BTW, I forget who said
BTW, I forget who said marriages don't fall apart this fast but I just remembered a very famous and recent case. Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise were photographed holding hands and looking happy and just a few DAYS later she pulled off her surgical strike coup switching out body guards. It was something like 2 weeks later that their divorce settlement was signed!
It is well documented this was all a giant shock to Tom. So from his perspective his marriage went from hot to disaster in the space of about 30 seconds when she crossed the room from one security team to the other.